My life has completely fallen apart, I feel like I should kill myself

Nala

Nala

Well-known member
I've failed Uni (no chance of going back), my boyfriend has left me, I have absolutely no friends in real life, no job, my depression has gotten worse, and I'm at the lowest possible point in my life.

I have no real reasons to stay alive. I don't think therapy can help me anymore, I'm too messed up. I'm soon 30, my life should already be on track. But I'm in the same position as I was when I was 18. I thought my life was getting better when I got my first (and only) boyfriend, but now that he left me... I don't know. I don't think I have a chance of finding anyone else who can tolerate me.

I'm just so hopelessly sad and worthless. Every time I'm driving I'm considering driving straight into a truck to end it all.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I'm sorry you're in such a low place, Nala.

Sometimes trouble piles-up, and when it finally topples over, it makes a huge mess of things. You've had a lot taken away from you all at once, I know I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes.

I hope you have somebody to talk to, please don't isolate yourself at a time like this.
 
Nala

Nala

Well-known member
The only one I can talk to is my ex, since we're still friends...
I've been considering going to a therapist, but I'm afraid they'll lock me up if I reveal how much I want to kill myself.
 
J

jc972

1
Nala said:
I've failed Uni (no chance of going back), my boyfriend has left me, I have absolutely no friends in real life, no job, my depression has gotten worse, and I'm at the lowest possible point in my life.

I have no real reasons to stay alive. I don't think therapy can help me anymore, I'm too messed up. I'm soon 30, my life should already be on track. But I'm in the same position as I was when I was 18. I thought my life was getting better when I got my first (and only) boyfriend, but now that he left me... I don't know. I don't think I have a chance of finding anyone else who can tolerate me.

I'm just so hopelessly sad and worthless. Every time I'm driving I'm considering driving straight into a truck to end it all.
Click to expand...

You still have your health. And think of it like this, you can get another boyfriend, there's guys everywhere :) and when you think things can't get any worse, you have nowhere to go but up.
 
bcsr

bcsr

Well-known member
Too many people seem to think that a boyfriend/girlfriend is going to solve everything, but that just isn't the case. You can't be truly happy with someone, if you can't be happy with yourself first.

Yes, you are in a low place at the moment. There's nothing wrong with seeking help, and if that means you were referred to a mental hospital... is that really so bad? Don't be afraid to get the help you need.
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
If it's any consolation, I'm in my early forties and my life is in shambles as well. At least as far as society is concerned. You are not alone.

And finding a girlfriend at my age in this area is like trying to do the impossible. Really it is like trying to turn water into wine. But as others have said, .bf or .gf don't guarantee happiness anyway.
 
Odo

Odo

Banned
You don't want to end your life, you just want to end your pain. But pain isn't supposed to be easy. It helps to do as much as you can handle, one thing at a time.

It is good to get help but I would also be pretty suspicious of that sort of thing-- if you end up in a hospital for psychiatric issues that kind of info might one day make it back to a potential employer. Those are, unfortunately, the times we're living in.

On the other hand, a visit to a good psychiatrist could do you some good.
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
bcsr said:
Too many people seem to think that a boyfriend/girlfriend is going to solve everything, but that just isn't the case. You can't be truly happy with someone, if you can't be happy with yourself first.
Click to expand...
^This is very true.

You can have a fulfilling life while being single.:)
And relying on a partner to make you happy can end up putting you in a dependant and dangerous state in any relationship.

It sounds very risky to run your car into a truck as you mentioned, because if you did not pass away, you would have to live with injuries and scars for the rest of your life.

Nothing lasts forever, circumstances always change.
You don't know what may happen in your life next year or the next. It sounds like you need to talk with someone and get some support.
Is there a family member you can confide in? if not maybe even a therapist would help, they would not put you in hospital for just telling them you are feeling down. Don't mention the suicidal feelings until you develop some trust with them. Try and find someone who can support you through this bad time. Hang in there.
 
Ransfordrowe

Ransfordrowe

Well-known member
I dont think you should be driven alone if it can be helped.If your having suicidal thoughts then you really need to speak to family,friends and your doctor.

Things always seem terrible at first but you need to find the positive things in your life how ever small to focus on.The first few weeks are always the worst but things normally slowly get better.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
I will echo others that have replied and say that talking to someone is a good idea. You don't seem to have anything to lose, and you don't want to drive into a truck and die, so you need to try something. I think discussing what your issues are to a trusted psychologist is a good idea. I hope you get the help you need.
 
Nala

Nala

Well-known member
I can't talk to my family or anyone, since my mum has said she believes depressed people are just lazy, or they don't have enough stuff to do, etc... She'd probably tell me to get a grip or something equally useless.

I guess my only option is a psychiatrist :/ Which is going to be "fun" because I have a speech impediment and my speech sounds abnormal and stupid
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Nala said:
I've failed Uni (no chance of going back), my boyfriend has left me, I have absolutely no friends in real life, no job, my depression has gotten worse, and I'm at the lowest possible point in my life.

I have no real reasons to stay alive. I don't think therapy can help me anymore, I'm too messed up. I'm soon 30, my life should already be on track. But I'm in the same position as I was when I was 18. I thought my life was getting better when I got my first (and only) boyfriend, but now that he left me... I don't know. I don't think I have a chance of finding anyone else who can tolerate me.

I'm just so hopelessly sad and worthless. Every time I'm driving I'm considering driving straight into a truck to end it all.
Click to expand...

Nala, don't hurt anyone else. By driving into a truck, you could kill or injure the driver..........Sorry to make you feel worse! But, I understand exactly how you feel! I'm basically in the same boat.

Maybe you'll find a guy who can relate to you better. So, you failed Uni, maybe it's just not for you. Forget about being on track and keeping up with the rest of the world. Even though I've been through hell and back and back again and again, I have gained incredible self awareness and compassion. By lowering your expectations and not trying to adhere to a cultural standard, your depression will be a lot easier to manage. When you feel like your life is ruined and there's no hope, that's when anxiety really kicks in and your depression will then nose dive.

Take a deep breath, try to relax............hang in there. :)
 
FeloniousBum

FeloniousBum

New member
Staying alive is always more fun than being dead. Dying is ****ing boring. If you're depressed or bored or anxious just be a glutten and fill your life up with all the best things i.e. food, sex, drugs, music, tv, whatever just go for it do all the best things with no moderation.
 
B

BlueWeepingRose

Well-known member
Please talk to a doctor as soon as possible if you're having these thoughts. I'm 31 and I haven't done much in my life either: I can't even go to college right now cause I'm dealing with Depression and PTSD from when I got abused by my ex boyfriend. Trust me you're not alone, you can pick yourself up again. Things may be really rough right now but please don't give up in life. Keep holding on. If you ever need someone to talk too, please don't hesitate to send me a message.
 
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