My SA is effecting my family

Rainbows18

Member
I really feel like shit right now. I’m 18 and I’ve had social anxiety for about 3 years, but its been pretty bad. Not only am I afraid to be around strangers, but I’m also uncomfortable being around my own family. I try to go to most of the birthday parties and family events, but its really hard. I missed my nieces birthday party the other day, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Anyways, I got into a fight with my dad today and out of no where he tells me that it was very rude I didn’t show up to my nieces birthday, and that everyone was asking about me, and that they think I don’t care about them anymore or don’t respect them or something. I explained to him what I was going through, even though he already knows my problem, but instead of understanding, he kept saying that’s no excuse and that if I cared about them so much I would start going to everything. Now I feel terrible, I don’t know what to do or where to start. I want to fix things. I want my family to know that I do care about them, and I want them to know I have social anxiety so that they stop thinking I don’t like them. I just really don’t know where to start or what to do, for the past three years I haven’t really spent a lot of time with my family, and we used to be somewhat close. Now I cant even look them in the eyes and I feel extremely uncomfortable and awkward just talking to them. I also have the blushing issue along with my social anxiety, so that makes it worse because that’s another thing that’s hard to explain and makes me look weird. Any advice?
 

Richey

Well-known member
exact same scenario happened to me, i found so many excuses to get out of family birthdays of my cousins and everyone else, the reason is because my cousin usually invites twenty of his friends and they are so close as a group that its almost sickening being there if you are in any way quiet, my cousin then said to my sister "what is wrong with your brother" because my sister goes out alot and drinks with them so even when i do show up i feel on the outter of the conversation anyway because they will start chatting about their little inside jokes, they finish each other sentences, its actually a daunting experiance that is very challenging to come to grips with as an outsider ...

then i just started showing up to everything to make sure i respected the occasion and because its family even if i'm not the best of company, when i drink i tend to relax a little ..

i too have anxiety around family because we arn't close nor do we share similar interests, i visit my parents and they spend the majority of the time nagging and its always negative and i try to lighten up the mood and stop them when i believe they cross the line, so its usually this stressful process when i see them, i just stay calm and argue calmly and rationally and they lose the plot and lecture me about the slightest difference in opinion ...

my sister i have potential to become closer to her some day, but we just never talked to each other all that much and i respect her a great deal but living in the same house for such a long time we just grew apart and got sick of each other ..

family parties are usually stressful because i feel like its an interrogation and its never much fun, its definately better these days then it used to be
 

Angel_Of_Death

Well-known member
I understand exactly how you feel, and I can definitely relate to you. The only difference between me and you is that I don't want my family, or anyone else for that matter to know about my social anxiety.

I'm 24 years old now, still live with my parents and also my sister. Our family is big, both on my mom's and dad's side. I come from a traditional family where "family values" are important. When I was a teenager and also in my early 20's, I often got into arguments with my parents because I wouldn't attend family events or occasions. But in the last couple of years I feel they finally got to understand that I don't feel comfortable in family situations or with strangers, so they kinda let me be myself and accept that. Sometimes I try to make the effort, but it's so hard.

To tell you the truth, I have a great family, I have so much remorse and regret about not being able to be the best son, the best brother, the best grandson, the best cousin, the best nephew and the best uncle I can be...But the most important thing is at least I know it's NOT my fault. I didn't choose to have SA. My family is what's the most valuable thing to me, and I love them more than anything else, but the sad part is that in my family I'm considered as someone who doesn't care and also maybe selfish. But who can blame them for thinking that ?

All my focus right now in my life is to improve myself, and somehow find a way to beat the social anxiety and eventually be a better son, grandson, brother ect....
 

proudmummy

Well-known member
I can definetely relate.

I spent less time with my huge family when I was younger though, i'd just close my bedroom door and stay in whilst my family when on big days out, fun evenings at eachothers houses or going to big family parties.

I'm almost 21 and I spend more time with them now, due to having a baby and wanting to get involved with family again for obvious reasons BUT my anxiety is worse NOW I would say, as I'm more aware of it now and its hard living everday knowing that I have a massive problem which only my boyfriend knows about. I push myself to what I look at as extreme social interaction but I panick through the whole thing and dwell on it if am paranoid about something I did/said. Everyday is hard.

I also have to drink alot most of the time.
 
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