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Old 10-13-2012
 

I was always a loner. I never had any friends, except one in high school, for a little while. I used to hang out with my sister's friends when they were at the house, and they excepted me and didn't mind me around.

My life was OK, until I started getting depression in juniour high. I was bad in high school. I wouldn't go out of the house, except school and sometimes to go out with my parents to the store or whatever. In 2009, I got my drivers licence. I force myself to go out a lot. Even if it just driving to no where. It's better than being on the house all the time.

I tried to make friends since junoir high, I couldn't. In high school, I started doing stuff to get attention, to get people to like me. So, I did random stuff, like show people how to hack the soda machine. It never worked, but I was able to get into the debug menu. In Grade 10, I startred skipping classes to try and hang out with people. I got cought skipping classes, which made it harder to do that, so I stopped.

I was part of “the learning center” a classroom with people with special needs and learning disabilities. I had one class there a day, since elementary school. The staff there kinda kept tabs on me once they found out I was skipping.

I did make one friend in junoiur high, but I think it only lasted a couple of months. She would actually hang out with me for awhile. One time in gym class I was sitting out, and she came though to gym, for something and seen me sitting there, so she came over and sat in talked with me for a little while. That is one of my favorite memories. No one else ever did that.

On-line whenever I try to make friends, I usually get unfriended or blocked, and have no idea why. I never did anything to them. Likes things could be good, then all of a sudden without warning, I'm unfriend or blocked.

I think about suicide all the time and my parents, no one understands. My parents just brush it off, like it's nothing. They ignore me or don't understand when I poor my problems out. They think it's just a faze.

I thought about doing drugs, but didn't go down that road. I'm 24, and still have it bad, but it's not really from bullying, I don't get bullied much, dispite having Autism and being different from everyone. I do get bullied on-line sometimes. I don't have good communication skills, people understand that quickly and when I speak my thoughts, or put in my opinion of something. They throw me flat on my back, and twist my words around and stuff. In one forum, they admitted to doing that, later. I'm slowly changing for the better, like keeping my mouth shut and leave things be, agreeing to stuff, I disagreee with, to avoid an urgument, that sorta stuff.

I try so hard to fit in, to make friends. A lot of times, I cry myself to sleep. Not a day goes by, I don't wish I had a friend to hang out with, someone to understand me, a girlfriend etc. Not a day goes by, that I think about what I should've done different with my life, correct my mistakes etc. I wish I normal, but things are what they are. I gotta live with it. I ask myself a lot, what did I do to deserve this, but then I realise, that it's not just me. A lot of bad things happen to good people.

I wish I was normal, that way, I could communciate normally, see and understand things like everyone else. I hurts when I see people with their best friends, that have everything that would make my life perfect (friends, social/communication skills etc).
Foxface is offline  
Old 10-13-2012
 

Quote:
One time in gym class I was sitting out, and she came though to gym, for something and seen me sitting there, so she came over and sat in talked with me for a little while.
I remember a girl in junior high who did the same thing, but I ruined the moment. She came up to me with some girls , but I was too socially anxious to talk to her so I ended the conversation quickly.

Quote:
I don't have good communication skills, people understand that quickly and when I speak my thoughts, or put in my opinion of something. They throw me flat on my back, and twist my words around and stuff.
Sometimes I get mocked for saying something that does not somehow satisfy other people.

Quote:
I'm slowly changing for the better, like keeping my mouth shut and leave things be, agreeing to stuff, I disagreee with, to avoid an urgument, that sorta stuff.
I also don't talk as much as I used to when I'm around strangers and people who are not close to me. When I'm in a group and we need to vote on something, I tend to vote the same as the other group members. You know, go with the flow. Sometimes I have trouble saying no to others.
laure15 is offline  
Old 10-13-2012
aquarius86's Avatar
Newbie User
 

I think you're communicating really well right now

Please don't commit suicide. Please talk to a professional if you have one of those days and are just on the verge.

Maybe you just haven't met the right friends? I mean, my friends and I rarely agrees on anything, we are a very opinionated group but we are also a very respectful group. We know that we all have different opinions on different subjects and we don't impose our views on each other.

If you have something to express, you should be able to express them as long as they are done in a respectful manner, of course.

I hope you find friends and happiness soon
aquarius86 is offline  
Old 10-13-2012
 

You communicated fine online with me in the past and your words are coming across just fine now. I don't know, You can also try talking to someone who is professional that can help you examine these situations, so you can find out the reasons why these patterns keep occurring. Maybe you're going after the wrong people more often? Idk.
Nathália is offline  
Old 10-13-2012
MikeyC's Avatar
Elite User
 

You seem to communicate fine here, Foxface. I don't know what to say.

I did read it all and I'm sorry you're going through so much torment.
MikeyC is offline  
Old 05-30-2016
 

I know this old but you sound alot like me. We wear the same shoes.
screename is offline  
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