Hi everyone, I'm new here.
I feel really good to have found this site and see that there are others struggling with the same issues as me, it's so so easy to feel like you are alone and the only one in the world who has those feelings. I wanted to share my story and see if anyone can relate or maybe has any words of wisdom to share
The last 12 months have been an absolute nightmare for me, before this last year I was one of those people who was the life of the party, no social situation scared me, I would go anywhere, do anything, talk to anyone. I had no anxieties just a whole lot of confidence. I attracted a lot of guys, I always had lots of guys chasing after me wanting dates, my social life was great , I had a great job that paid really well and I was really really happy.
Fast forward to now, I cant look in the mirror without feeling disgustingly ugly for no reason, spend months at a time unable to leave the house, quit my job and am broke and have no contact with friends and absolutely no social life. No boyfriend, nothing. I spend time with my family sometimes and that is it. I am so glad I have them though, if I didn't I probably wouldn't be around right now, they are so supportive.
It all started when stupidly I got involved with a guy from work who liked me, I had a major crush on him and hoped that things would work out for us. They didn't. After he had screwed with my head for some time playing mind games and trampling my self esteem down to nothing, telling me that I worthless and only good for a late night fling, I ended it. Everyone saw how depressed I had become but they didn't know why. I thought ending it it would all be ok again, things would go back to normal for me. Little did I know my rejection infuriated him to the point where he decided to make my life a living hell. He stalked me, harrassed and intimidated me to the point where I truly hated myself. I believed his treatment of me was my fault and I deserved it for ending things. Obviously I had upset him so I felt like a bad person, I felt immense guilt and I absolutely hated myself. I never told anyone what he was doing to me. It destroyed me.
I started looking in the mirror and hating what I saw. I never had before. I scrutinized every little aspect of my face and hair. I would spend hours staring, constantly looking at myself. It didn't matter what I did, nothing made me look 'good' or even 'normal'. I felt I looked like a freak and could not bear to leave the house. I was referred to a therapist who basically told me that as soon as I decide to stop feeling this way then I will be better again. He said that's it, I just need to decide I'm not going to feel this way anymore. I tried and tried but just felt guilty and like a failure because I couldn't just stop feeling this way.
I have good days and bad days now, but obsess over how I look and do feel really disgustingly ugly. I don't answer the door or telephone. I truly feel guilty that my life is like this
I feel really good to have found this site and see that there are others struggling with the same issues as me, it's so so easy to feel like you are alone and the only one in the world who has those feelings. I wanted to share my story and see if anyone can relate or maybe has any words of wisdom to share
The last 12 months have been an absolute nightmare for me, before this last year I was one of those people who was the life of the party, no social situation scared me, I would go anywhere, do anything, talk to anyone. I had no anxieties just a whole lot of confidence. I attracted a lot of guys, I always had lots of guys chasing after me wanting dates, my social life was great , I had a great job that paid really well and I was really really happy.
Fast forward to now, I cant look in the mirror without feeling disgustingly ugly for no reason, spend months at a time unable to leave the house, quit my job and am broke and have no contact with friends and absolutely no social life. No boyfriend, nothing. I spend time with my family sometimes and that is it. I am so glad I have them though, if I didn't I probably wouldn't be around right now, they are so supportive.
It all started when stupidly I got involved with a guy from work who liked me, I had a major crush on him and hoped that things would work out for us. They didn't. After he had screwed with my head for some time playing mind games and trampling my self esteem down to nothing, telling me that I worthless and only good for a late night fling, I ended it. Everyone saw how depressed I had become but they didn't know why. I thought ending it it would all be ok again, things would go back to normal for me. Little did I know my rejection infuriated him to the point where he decided to make my life a living hell. He stalked me, harrassed and intimidated me to the point where I truly hated myself. I believed his treatment of me was my fault and I deserved it for ending things. Obviously I had upset him so I felt like a bad person, I felt immense guilt and I absolutely hated myself. I never told anyone what he was doing to me. It destroyed me.
I started looking in the mirror and hating what I saw. I never had before. I scrutinized every little aspect of my face and hair. I would spend hours staring, constantly looking at myself. It didn't matter what I did, nothing made me look 'good' or even 'normal'. I felt I looked like a freak and could not bear to leave the house. I was referred to a therapist who basically told me that as soon as I decide to stop feeling this way then I will be better again. He said that's it, I just need to decide I'm not going to feel this way anymore. I tried and tried but just felt guilty and like a failure because I couldn't just stop feeling this way.
I have good days and bad days now, but obsess over how I look and do feel really disgustingly ugly. I don't answer the door or telephone. I truly feel guilty that my life is like this
