I think the best way to introduce myself is to give an overview of my life. I've tried to keep it relatively short while still hitting the key points.
I'm 28 years old. According to my parents, I have always been shy and quiet. As a child I made few deep friendships but was able make friends with whatever new kids were in my class that year. From first to fourth grade I had a great time playing with the other kids who had the same babysitter that I did. Though I was quiet there was no cause for concern.
The problems started around seventh grade. I can recall giving a speech and turning bright red. I am not sure if this was the first time I had every blushed badly but it is the earliest memory I have of that terrible feeling. That year I became very quiet and those who had once been my friends started asking me why I never talked. I don't think I ever gave them a good answer as I didn't really know myself. I ate lunch with these “friends” until my sophomore year of high school (eating alone would cause anxiety too). Then, through a series of cruel pranks, they expelled me from their table. They made fun of me behind my back throughout the rest of my high school career (though they made no effort to really conceal their behavior as they knew I wouldn't speak up for myself).
I remember making a few female friends in seventh and eighth grade despite being very quiet. During my freshman year of high school one of these female friends made it quite clear she wanted to go out with me. The only problem was that I would blush uncontrollably whenever she talked to me. I am convinced that excessive and frequent blushing, which could occur at any moment, caused my social anxiety disorder. I made no attempt to interact with the opposite sex throughout the rest of high school.
The summer before my senior year of high school I reached the breaking point. I was consumed with anxiety at my summer job and eventually wrote a letter to my mother saying I needed help. To embarrassed to speak to her face, I taped the note on her car window. This apparently alarmed her tremendously as she called me at work to make sure I was okay.
I went to a psychologist and it was obvious I had social anxiety disorder. My mother broke down in tears because she always thought I was just shy and would grow out of it and she wished she had been more proactive. My parents can empathize with what I'm go through but I don't think they fully understand the level of anxiety and its effects.
I was prescribed Paxil and my life took a dramatic change for the better. The blushing stopped entirely. I saw a psychologist for a few weeks but, without the blushing, my anxiety had melted away. I was happy and didn't have anything to talk about in the sessions.
I started to fit in with a new group of friends my senior year of high school (graduated 1999) and then made new friends my freshman year of college. In college, these were deep friendships and the best years of my life. I even had a girlfriend.
I had become so confident by my junior year of college that I voluntarily spoke in front of my church youth group. That's where the chink in the armor was made known. I blushed when I spoke. However, since that was the most stressful of situations and I didn't blush elsewhere, I was still relatively okay. I just increased the dosage of Paxil.
However, there is only so much Paxil you can take. Over the course of a few years its efficacy dwindled. About a year ago I stopped taking it and have been looking for another solution ever since. Zoloft, Buspar, hypnosis, CBT, Effexor, and propranolol have not helped me. Metoprolol has helped some but it merely helps me survive, not live. I'll be starting clonidine shortly. If that doesn't work I'll have to seriously consider ETS.
My social life is practically non-existent and work is becoming more and more stressful. I'm debating whether to “come out” to the co-workers in my department so they have some idea why I blush. At the very least I'm thinking of telling my boss in the hopes he will shield me from anxiety-inducing situations.
I know some will say that my anxiety causes my blushing, but I honestly feel it is the other way around. When I didn't blush I wasn't anxious. This is not to say that there is no mental component to my blushing, just that the physiological component plays the far larger role. I realize other people's experiences may differ from mine.
I'm 28 years old. According to my parents, I have always been shy and quiet. As a child I made few deep friendships but was able make friends with whatever new kids were in my class that year. From first to fourth grade I had a great time playing with the other kids who had the same babysitter that I did. Though I was quiet there was no cause for concern.
The problems started around seventh grade. I can recall giving a speech and turning bright red. I am not sure if this was the first time I had every blushed badly but it is the earliest memory I have of that terrible feeling. That year I became very quiet and those who had once been my friends started asking me why I never talked. I don't think I ever gave them a good answer as I didn't really know myself. I ate lunch with these “friends” until my sophomore year of high school (eating alone would cause anxiety too). Then, through a series of cruel pranks, they expelled me from their table. They made fun of me behind my back throughout the rest of my high school career (though they made no effort to really conceal their behavior as they knew I wouldn't speak up for myself).
I remember making a few female friends in seventh and eighth grade despite being very quiet. During my freshman year of high school one of these female friends made it quite clear she wanted to go out with me. The only problem was that I would blush uncontrollably whenever she talked to me. I am convinced that excessive and frequent blushing, which could occur at any moment, caused my social anxiety disorder. I made no attempt to interact with the opposite sex throughout the rest of high school.
The summer before my senior year of high school I reached the breaking point. I was consumed with anxiety at my summer job and eventually wrote a letter to my mother saying I needed help. To embarrassed to speak to her face, I taped the note on her car window. This apparently alarmed her tremendously as she called me at work to make sure I was okay.
I went to a psychologist and it was obvious I had social anxiety disorder. My mother broke down in tears because she always thought I was just shy and would grow out of it and she wished she had been more proactive. My parents can empathize with what I'm go through but I don't think they fully understand the level of anxiety and its effects.
I was prescribed Paxil and my life took a dramatic change for the better. The blushing stopped entirely. I saw a psychologist for a few weeks but, without the blushing, my anxiety had melted away. I was happy and didn't have anything to talk about in the sessions.
I started to fit in with a new group of friends my senior year of high school (graduated 1999) and then made new friends my freshman year of college. In college, these were deep friendships and the best years of my life. I even had a girlfriend.
I had become so confident by my junior year of college that I voluntarily spoke in front of my church youth group. That's where the chink in the armor was made known. I blushed when I spoke. However, since that was the most stressful of situations and I didn't blush elsewhere, I was still relatively okay. I just increased the dosage of Paxil.
However, there is only so much Paxil you can take. Over the course of a few years its efficacy dwindled. About a year ago I stopped taking it and have been looking for another solution ever since. Zoloft, Buspar, hypnosis, CBT, Effexor, and propranolol have not helped me. Metoprolol has helped some but it merely helps me survive, not live. I'll be starting clonidine shortly. If that doesn't work I'll have to seriously consider ETS.
My social life is practically non-existent and work is becoming more and more stressful. I'm debating whether to “come out” to the co-workers in my department so they have some idea why I blush. At the very least I'm thinking of telling my boss in the hopes he will shield me from anxiety-inducing situations.
I know some will say that my anxiety causes my blushing, but I honestly feel it is the other way around. When I didn't blush I wasn't anxious. This is not to say that there is no mental component to my blushing, just that the physiological component plays the far larger role. I realize other people's experiences may differ from mine.
