Need help. tired of fighting this fight

I've posted here a while ago, and had to again.

My situation hasn't changed, and has actually gotten worse. I'm in a province far away from where I grew up, with my wife, who is amazing but absolutely loves it here. I feel like Ive been a burden to my friends so I don't reach out to them. I cant take anymore time off from even the shittiest job for councelling. I'm thinking about selling m car so I could take a couple of months to unwind and see a local therapist.

My mental health has been crumbling, to the point it's having an effect on my kidneys and liver. My eyes are dark and I'm not digesting foods properly.

I've had ongoing issues with anxiety for years now, and my wife feels that I'd have it anywhere, which to an extend is true. Shes in an incredible job and I can't pull her away from it.

We've been here three years, and its killing me. My life feels torn in half. We have no family here, I've grown to hate holidays. My career is toast, and I'm struggling to find anything that grounds me, and am struggling to even work with my anxiety and anger.

We're still quite close, and my family is ok. I just had a fight with my Mom and Dad back home about my mothers lack of compassion and almost perfect ability to throw my situation back in my face with a look of dsapproval.

I honestly feel like I've lost the connection to my folks and home, my marriage is strained, I'm running out of options in the middle of a recession with a head full fo anxiety that's taking it's toll.

If it weren't for my wife, I'm not sure I'd be here anymore. I have no choice but to work these lousy temp jobs, (I made $57 dollars yesterday) and came from a lucrative field.

I'm running out of fight. This has been three years of difficulty and pain. I've had some pretty constant suicidal thoughts a while ago, and they've crept back in. I'm currently on Wellbutrin which I don't think is making things better, but I'm scared to mess with it right now....I don't think I could take it again.

Just looking for a boost!

Thanks.

Well there's no way in hell i'll be able to boost you up atm because i'm feeling the exact same way. I think i'm finally starting to give up. I've always been a fighter, but it seems like i've lost this war.

Thanks for the message.

Check your private messages, I'll drop you a line.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all of that, but don't give up. Staying positive is the best way to make it through the storm. You're thinking about all the bad things in your life, but what are you grateful for? Focus on what you have, not what you don't have. As for what you don' t have, such as job you really enjoy and are fulfilled in, work to get it. Happiness and peace comes from making progress each day to reach your goals. Just do whatever you can every day to get one step closer. Eventually, all the small accomplishments will lead to that big accomplishment you've been dreaming of.

For example, many of us want to overcome SA, including myself. That's a large goal that will definitely take some time. In order to accomplish it, every day I need to do something to get a little bit closer. That might mean making eye contact and smiling at 10 strangers today. You can start of small, and keep doing that until you're comfortable with it. Then, step it up a notch. Make eye contact, smile, and say "Hi" or something as you're walking by....nothing more. Next, when you're comfortable with that, you might ask their opinion on something. If you're at the grocery store, as them if they've tried something you're thinking about buying and what they think of it....get their opinion and that's it. You see what I mean. It's like walking up stairs. You have to do it step by step.

I'm really sorry you're having a hard time it's good you came to post here and I hope that even talking about it helped and know that people will read and care even though may not know how to acknowledge/respond.

I think talking to someone is a great idea, What if you go to your gp and tell them how you're feeling and ask what services are available? I dont know what it's like where you are but here there are free counselling services available through different organisations. I think just reaching out for that information about what help is available would be a good step to take.

Just a quick reply to this post. Thanks very much for the responses. I really appreciate them.

Things are tolerable, fighting the good fight. I've found work, although not exactly what I'm after its keeping my busy physically and I'm quite busy.

Life goes on, I've learned how important friends are!

Thanks again. come on 2016!

Well done!