need help with a girl situation quick

[really complicated situation, plz help XD]

ok so I work at a restaurant with this girl who’s 11 years younger than me (she’s 23 and I’m 34)... and she's flirty and gets close to me physically at times, but I don't know if it's just playful meaninglessness, or if there's something there.

we were talking about coffee today and she said I could "get her phone number from somewhere and text her any time I want her to bring me coffee" (prior to this point neither of us had each others’ cell numbers.)... so me being the overassuming person that I am, I thought that meant she wanted me to have her ph#... anyway when she was off work and it was like 10pm and I was still at work, I thought just for lulz i'll get her ph# off the schedule (cause the mgr posts them on there in case employees need to switch shifts) and I sent her a text saying some BS like: i'll take a double shot of espresso with 2 sugar cubes" or something like that.

here's some of the back-and-forth from that point (keep in mind I was texting quickly cause I was on the clock and we’re not supposed to have our phones out)…
Her: Lol. Really, aww I just got home ): you’re kinda late. I’ll keep that in mind next time, when I know you’re coming into town.
Me: I’m j/k =P
Her: I know. So, am I lucky enough to have your second number?
Me: uh, wat do u mean my second #? I only have one phone
Her: liar, you have more than one. You looked so nice today. Just sayyen.
Me: are you insinuating that I have multiple cell phones like drug dealers do? Oh and I been wantin to tell you for a while you have a very beautiful smile
Her: no, I just remember when you and I were working at venice and you had two cell phones [I never worked with her anywhere else and have never had 2 cell phones]. Trust me, you’ll know when I insult you. I know I have a cute smile (;

Now this is when I realized I’d made a mistake… she totally thinks it’s someone else texting her, cause I never said who I was cause I was going on the assumption she’d figure out based on our conversations earlier that day.
I haven’t texted her or received any new texts from her since.. though I did appeal to her close friend who also works with us for help on what I should do next. Oh and… I have to work with her tomorrow, our schedules are going to overlap for about 2 hours. I feel super dumb and it’s going to be really embarrassing working with her now.

Thinking about it’s giving me major anxiety. I don’t know how to act from here on, because she thinks she was texting with someone else from another job, and she seems to like this guy and probably isn’t interestd in me at all. I thought about just pretending it never happened and hoping she’d never figure out it was me, but my #’s on the schedule right there… and other employees have my # already so it could possibly leak out from them too somehow.

I need advice and options, preferably from some of the girls on here, and hopefully before I go in to work in about 10 hours. Thanks in advance.

Not that i'm the best authority on a situation like this, but I think it's a situation that's embarassing to her as well once she knows, so you have to think of that too. Apparently she uses the "coffee" line with all guy co-workers she likes, which facilitated this misunderstanding. So it's not entirely your "fault" for not mentioning your name.

I'd always go for "coming clean" in relationships. In this case there's a strong possibility she'll eventually know who you are, so that's a good incentive for just telling her right now. Just try to bring it up in a sheepish way and apologize for not making it clear who you were. Don't make a big deal of it because it'll embarass her. If she's really interested in you, this misunderstanding won't change that (unless she's shy, which doesn't sound like it from your description). And I'd guess she is interested in you. Nothing in your text conversation implies she's more interested in the other guy than in you.

This is just me though; I'm a blunt type of girl.

Sorry to hear that, you're in a pretty awkward situation. If this girl is young, single, and flirty it may not be the best thing to pursue her. Likely she had someone else on her mind when you texted and so she assumed it was him. Maybe she brought coffee to/went out for coffee with someone else before so she confused you for someone else? Otherwise, mentioning the coffee would have been pretty obvious it was you based on your earlier conversation. And also, the fact that she didn't know the number texting her could mean she had asked someone else to get her number and give her a text or call.

It seems like this girl may still be immature and enjoys getting attention from all the guys so she acts flirty whether or not she intends to go out with them. I've known many girls like this. She knows she's pretty and that guys like her. Many young girls still in the dating phase will also develop short-lasting infatuations with many men. When she's ready for a serious relationship with someone she will probably cut back on the flirtatiousness and show a more mature and pragmatic state of mind when talking to men.

That's probably not what you'd like to hear and I may be totally wrong; I don't know this girl. But it's just my opinion based on what you wrote about her. (And I am a young lady who knows similar sounding girls to the one you described.) So I'd say stay friends but don't chase after her. About the texting, if she does find out it was you and confronts you about it, either be honest about it or tell her you were joking around and were confused about what she was talking about or figured she was just joking about something. OR you could play it off like you mixed her number up with someone else's and thought you had been texting someone else (just as she confused your number for someone else's).
However this situation ends, I hope the outcome is good!

R3K said:

[really complicated situation, plz help XD]

Her: Lol. Really, aww I just got home ): you’re kinda late. I’ll keep that in mind next time, when I know you’re coming into town.

Her: liar, you have more than one. You looked so nice today. Just sayyen.

.

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So.. what I am reading here and I could be misunderstanding what is being said on her part.. these comments from her sound like either 1. If she is waiting on this other guy to come to town next time.. then how would she know he looked nice today unless he was just with her and went back out of town recently.. or 2. She must already be seeing this guy and why would he be all that important to talk to if she thinks he is a liar. Since this guy is the one she thinks is texting her and not you.. just by looking at her end of the conversation.. seems to me she is already interested in this guy and that is her sick way of flirting with him. My advice would be text her today and ask her if she got any text from you.. and say who you are.. if she says no she did not then I would definitely ask her who she thought she was talking to from that number.. see if she coughs something up.. and says who it was she thought was texting. Honestly .. I think you can do better than play childish little flirtatious games and if she is truly interested in you she should make it known in person. I know that texting is a very poor way of communication because people severely misunderstand stuff then the blame all gets put on you.

Don't message her anymore, play dumb, hope for the best. If she asks anything... "huh? what are you talking about?"

Just play dumb

mixed

Wow, that is quite the awkward situation, sorry you had to get caught up in all that. I'm not sure what I'd do or recommend to do in this situation. It maybe would be a good to just play dumb and not text back anymore. You never know, sometimes we get so worried and tensed up in these situations and in the end nothing ever comes of it. However, playing dumb could have its consequences and potentially make the situation even more awkward than it is already. If she does confront you on the matter or figure out it was you, I'd just tell her you were confused about it/unsure and tell the truth that it was you. Honestly that might be the best thing to do to begin with. It IS something that'd be awkward for her too... texting the wrong guy. Good luck, I hope you can settle this little mix up.

alright i'm outta time... thank you all for the swift late night replies. i'm about to go to work right now. i'm gonna try to go on the semi-smug truth revealing tactic here. idk, i'm so tired I barely slept I just wanna go on a 12 month vacation right now and hope she's not there when I get backmg:

anyway i'll update u guys when I get home from work

Ok so here’s the lengthy update for those who were wondering:

Today basically sucked. She seemed laugh about the whole debacle, and her other two friends who work at the restaurant with us seemed at least partially informed of the situation and were like “what happened?” all day long.

She kept asking me if I was flirting with her during the texts, in the middle of while I was trying to work and surrounded by other co-workers, but in a brush-off’ish kind of way. Like she was trying to get it all out in the air and overwith and stuff. I replied with “I don’t know, were you flirting?”… Idk, it was weird, and I was having trouble maintaining composure and fending off anxiety attacks. The worst is the residual anxiety and the after-thinking (like right now), actually.

Anyway, she seemed mostly unembarrassed and even expressed some remorse about what happened. And at one point her friend (whome I’d emailed the previous night for help about the sit) pulled her aside for “girly stuff” at one point and I sensed them talking about me outside for a second. A few minutes later the girl asked me if I wanted to join them during my break because when they got off they were going to have a beer or something. I don’t even remember what I replied with. I was like “uhh…” then she got distracted by something and I never gave a definitive reply.

Now the confusing part: she seems to have ratcheted up the flirting slightly, or maybe it’s not even flirting and I’m assuming it is—idk. I had a monster energy drink and she asked if she could have some. I said yeah go ahead and she took a swig straight outta the can then asked me if her lipstick was messed up or anything. And as her shift was winding down and she was getting tired she leaned her head on my shoulder while I was polishing silverware or something and my mind was racing—I said like does my arm make a nice pillow? Or something lame like that. She also slightly boobie-brushed me twice today, which maybe isn’t a big deal because it wasn’t like intentional (I don’t think) shit I don’t know.

I feel like she’s trying to play things off and show everyone that this is how she is and she doesn’t care about anything. I don’t fking know though. I’m working like a 55 hour week and I’m having trouble consentrating at work without these fkn text-flirt blunders and resultant fallout.

the worst part of this whole thing is that I actually believed (foolishly) she was flirting and interested in me during the text exchange the other day… and then finding out she thought I was someone else. Getting all excited, then having it snatched away and then being reminded of my social phobic reality. I need to get all this shit out of my head somehow, this is a mental nightmare

Re: mixed

Psychedelicious said:

Wow, that is quite the awkward situation, sorry you had to get caught up in all that. I'm not sure what I'd do or recommend to do in this situation. It maybe would be a good to just play dumb and not text back anymore. You never know, sometimes we get so worried and tensed up in these situations and in the end nothing ever comes of it. However, playing dumb could have its consequences and potentially make the situation even more awkward than it is already. If she does confront you on the matter or figure out it was you, I'd just tell her you were confused about it/unsure and tell the truth that it was you. Honestly that might be the best thing to do to begin with. It IS something that'd be awkward for her too... texting the wrong guy. Good luck, I hope you can settle this little mix up.

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I like Psyche's solution. Just don't say anything back if you haven't already and let her figure it out.

Now that she realizes it was actually you, has she sent you a text since then?

paperie said:

Now that she realizes it was actually you, has she sent you a text since then?

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no, she hasn't

Personally, I would tend to think that regardless of the whole situation, she clearly is attracted to you. However, as many have pointed out, her intentions may not be the best and she may not be ready to settle down.
I like going for the simple answer: simply asking her if she'd like to grab a coffee (her favorite line after all) to talk it out. This being said, withdrawing from the situation could be beneficial for you: if she seeks you out, you will know you mean something for her.
But as stated before, her intentions do not seem to be the best.

Hoping to hear more about this best of luck.

Clemisnail said:

I like going for the simple answer: simply asking her if she'd like to grab a coffee (her favorite line after all) to talk it out. This being said, withdrawing from the situation could be beneficial for you: if she seeks you out, you will know you mean something for her.
But as stated before, her intentions do not seem to be the best.

Hoping to hear more about this best of luck.

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I agree with the simple solution. It's likely to spare you some anxiety in the future.

Though her failure to notice your discomfort caused by what she was doing, or even maybe taking pleasure in it, seems less than mature. Anyways, I'm sorry you're in this situation but I hope you get the best out of it :thumbup:

Sounds like she's (publicly) teasing you. My advice: relax, take a step back and see where it goes. Don't do anything rash, take your time with this. You're obviously stressed out so you should take some time to digest it before doing anything.

Some girls flirt with everyone for fun, it's their personality. Can sometimes be hard to to keep your head straight in those situations.

EDIT: Also, boob-brushing is ALWAYS intentional, she's obviously trying to get some reaction out of you. Whether it has malicious intent or not is up in the air.

***huge, exasperated sigh***

well, I was kinda thinking I might try the coffee line again but worded differently (and clearly identifying who I am this time), but I don't know how... and if I fail or get shot down I don't think i'll ever be able to drink coffee again :kickingmyself: ...

so today we worked together again for a few hours, and her little posse wasn't there so I felt a little more comfortable. I brought a little pack of those crumb donuts and left 'em out in plain view and she was like oooh donuts and I said you want some, then she said "you know it" with a big smile. so I gave her a couple of them... when she clocked out to go home she moved in for a kind of side hug which she never did b4. i'm feelin a little more confident about things (for better or worse) and maybe i'll patiently progress with things.

i'm kinda just toughing it out in the anxiety department so it's not that bad anymore. and all the replies/advice from you guys are helping a lot!