Need somebody to judge my looks pls

I think everybody thinks im ugly and have had some say so. It sucks that some are born this way. I know the saying god built us the way we are but theres a problem with that if everyone hates the way you are. If it would have been up to me we would all be models.

There was a user who had a thread where people would pm and he would rate how we looked. He gave me a 5.4 told me to get rid of my acne, get earrings and go for the pretty boy type because older women like that. How does that even work?

If people on here would let me ill pm you guys and you be COMPLETELY honest. Just no insults though. I really feel like its the only thing holding me back in life and it sucks people like me were born this way. Why us?


Pls let this thread get replies.

Yeah sure, just pm me.

I'll bite.

I can understand your anguish though as I have BDD and it's took a lot of effort to become OK with.

Ok there coming.

I'll judge ya if u want lol

Send 'em my way if you want.

You look perfectly normal. The only thing that's 'wrong' about you is that you look really sad.

I don't mind judging.

Strong said:

I think everybody thinks im ugly and have had some say so. It sucks that some are born this way. I know the saying god built us the way we are but theres a problem with that if everyone hates the way you are. If it would have been up to me we would all be models.

There was a user who had a thread where people would pm and he would rate how we looked. He gave me a 5.4 told me to get rid of my acne, get earrings and go for the pretty boy type because older women like that. How does that even work?

If people on here would let me ill pm you guys and you be COMPLETELY honest. Just no insults though. I really feel like its the only thing holding me back in life and it sucks people like me were born this way. Why us?


Pls let this thread get replies.

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hey dont worry to much, thats only his opinion. You dont have to get earrings and go for that look but just try to rid your face of the acne and take care of it, Thats about it. I hope I helped

Sacrament said:

You look perfectly normal. The only thing that's 'wrong' about you is that you look really sad.

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I have had people tell me that I look depressed. I used to be really depressed in middle school and would sit in my room all day I think that might have made me look worse too.

Thanks everybody that replied in pms and in this thread.

You look fine. ! But maybe smile more.!

The thing about being insecure about your looks is that no matter how many times someone tells you that you look fine, you'll never feel completely validated... or alternatively you'll get hooked on their validation and depend on others for cues about how you should feel about yourself.

The best advice I can give you is to try not to think about it so much... but of course, that's easier said than done.

Odo said:

The best advice I can give you is to try not to think about it so much... but of course, that's easier said than done.

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Telling someone to stop thinking about a given topic often increases mental activity rather than decreasing it.

arjuna said:

Telling someone to stop thinking about a given topic often increases mental activity rather than decreasing it.

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It depends on how much control you have over your own thoughts, and what other things you have to think about or do.

Trying to stop thinking about something will make it worse because it implies struggle. I've learned that stopping your attempts to swim against the current should be replaced by simply observing your thoughts as if you were looking out the window watching cars go by. Then, rationally move towards the ones that assist you in bettering yourself and take it from there. Alternatively (or at the same time), keep busy throughout the day with work, hobbies, volunteer work, helping out around the house, working out, etc. You can't stop negative thoughts, but you can change your relationship with them.

To "odo" I'm not sure how much control you have over your thoughts but I have little to none. When I have automatic negatives thoughts I start secreting hormones of stress that I have become addicted to. My thoughts do change but at my age it takes months for that to happen. And I can have a single recurring thought for literally years.

I do agree with what you said about doing other activities. As long as your mind is focused on other things, the thoughts should start to subside. So it can be seen as substitution rather than suppression.

Sacrament said:

Trying to stop thinking about something will make it worse because it implies struggle. I've learned that stopping your attempts to swim against the current should be replaced by simply observing your thoughts as if you were looking out the window watching cars go by. Then, rationally move towards the ones that assist you in bettering yourself and take it from there. Alternatively (or at the same time), keep busy throughout the day with work, hobbies, volunteer work, helping out around the house, working out, etc. You can't stop negative thoughts, but you can change your relationship with them.

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I agree. I liken it to walking on a tightrope with the ground representing negative thoughts. You know it's there but you keep on walking anyway.

The thing about looks is that they are subjective. This guy told you to get earrings but thats what he thinks looks good, someone else might disagree then who would you listen to? You can never please everyone and if you rely on other people to tell you how you look to them then your holding yourself up to a subjective standard they have set.

Few years ago, a friend of mine fell for a guy whod had his nose broken a load of times (he was into boxing) and his nose had been damaged pretty badly and even though the relationship ended, ever since she seems to pick out guys who have that similar looking nose. He made a very broken nose an attractive feature in her eyes.


I get so frustrated when I see all the magazines and ads on the tv or all these reality tv shows about "conventionally good looking" people who are a bit dim witted and being celebrated for it. For one thing because its disappointing that our society sets these silly people (silly because they all seem to be so shallow) as role models because of how they look (which isnt something they achieved themselves). And secondly because it sets this ridiculous standard of how people think they 'should' look as if they are falling short of the standard when 1) the standard is a lie looks are entirely subjective and 2) the 'standard' we see in magazines probably fits <5% people and only for about <10 years of their life. Yet so much onus is placed on looking that specific way and not nearly as much onus is placed on the things that really are more important. I think itd be amazing if there was as many reality shows about people working hard to make a difference in the world as there are reality shows about people who are professionally good looking.

sorry I went off on an off topic side-rant there ...

I was wondering why looks seem an issue for you. Is it because if affects your self-esteem? Because want to have an active romantic/sexual life? If the latter is the case, what you can do, is forget about the looks issue and take massive intelligent action. Come back here in a year's time and tell us how you got on.

arjuna said:

I was wondering why looks seem an issue for you. Is it because if affects your self-esteem? Because want to have an active romantic/sexual life? If the latter is the case, what you can do, is forget about the looks issue and take massive intelligent action. Come back here in a year's time and tell us how you got on.

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I guess both? I have a hard time talking to people and looking bad makes it worse. Because people judge you before they have even spoken to you.

What do you mean by massive intelligent action?