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Old 03-07-2010
genius's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

every one have social phobia have negative thoughs, negative feelings, negative view of life

this there are a real killer for our present, future and for every thing good in our life

if you really want to get your life back you have to know what you are doing wrong and change it

as a result your life will change into a bettr life

your biggest 3 mistakes are

1- your negative thoughts
2- your negative feelings
3- your negative view of the life and the world around you

to be continued



part two

important facts about the human brain

first before we we talk about negative thoughts, negative feelings and the negative view of world, life and ourself we have to know som important facts about the human brain (your brain)

every thought inside your brain have its own neural pathway in side your brain this pathway is tangible its real
this pathways contains messages, thoughts and feelings


the human brain works like the rest of the body it works under the principle of use it or lose it

if you keep using a neural pathway it become stronger if you stop using a neural pathway it grows smaller and eventually dies

what we want to do is to kill the negative neural pathways that contains the negative thoughts, feelings and messages

what we will do is to create new positive neural pathways that contains positive thoughts, feeling and messages

we dont use any medications to do this, we use our own brain to do it

we will build the positive neural pathways using our brain and we will also kill the negative neural pathways using our brain

to be continued


part three

automatic negative thoughts how to recognize them, how to kill them and how to build automatic positive thoughts

new very important fact about your brain any thought you repeat to your brain many times becomes automatic inside your brain that mean your brain will use it after a while with out you know

so for example if you keep saying that you are a loser then your brain will belive you and it will become automatic inside your brain eventually your reactions and decisions will depend on this thought
the same thing happens if you keep saying im a sucessfull person your brain will belive it and it will become automatic and your reactions and decisions will go throught this direction


question how can i recognize my any thought if its negative thought or positive thought ?
well any thought scare you inhibit you or depress you makes you shaking is a negative thought


some examples for the negative thoughts:
i am afraid to talk to people
i am a loser
i am losing my mind
i am crazy
i hate to speak in front of people
every one is looking at me


how to kill this negative thoughts ?
its easy to kill this thoughts if you know the right way
if you are trying to beat you self up to face your fears then you will fail (im sure you did it and it never work) you are not ready to face your fears and you are doing it very wrong you are just torture your self more

the right way to kill this negative thoughts is by

1- stop thinking about this thought once you have a thought ignore it like you are ignoring some one bothering you if you keep thinking about this negative thought you will make its neural pathway stronger
2- give your brain statment like this "stop this is another automatic negative thought this thought is a lier its trying to steal every think good in my life i choose to get back my life i choose to belive the truth not ti belive lies a used to belive for many years"



how to change this thought with a positive one ?

you are only doing the half of the mission by stopping and ignoring this thought the other half is to give your brain the opposite positive idea

for example if you have a negative thought that you are a loser give your brain statment like this "i amm a smart person i am a good person i refuse to belive this lies from the past now i know better"
do the same thing with any negative thought you have



very important notes to make this way work:
1- start using this way when you are not in a pressuring situation for a while until you feel it will work in pressuring situations
2- your thoughts will not change from the first time or the second time it will take days and weeks to work but you will feel the difference fast (not very fast)


part four

negative feelings how to catch it and how to stop it

negative feelings are the feeling of fear or depression or any kind of feelings that appear in the time where it should not appear

for example if you are facing a lion its very normal that you have feelings of fear your brain know that this situation is threatening so it start to pump Adrenaline and Cortisol that gives you this feeling of fear in fact this hormones makes you think and move faster so that you can survive

but when you have a feeling of fear in social situations then this is a negative feeling because there is no real threatening here

remember that negative feelings are always liars

now how can we stop this feelings ?

to stop this feelings you must remind your brain that this feeling is negative and not true so you give your brain a statment like this "this feelings i have right now are lieing feelings there is no threatening situation here to have this feelings" then take a deep breath and let go

start to talk slowly this will help to calm you down

use any relaxation technique this will help alot too

very important fact about human feelings :
to change your feelings you must act first your feelings will never change until you act so if you are waiting for your feelings to change so that you can do something then you will wait for ever

so if you have an old feelings for a situation you must face it to change your feelings about this situation but you must face your fears using the right way

to face your fears you have to face only one fear each time and it must be a small one after a while when you get sucess facing one small fear each time it wioll turn to be a big sucess thats why alot of us always fail to overcome this lieing feelings because they face a big anxiety situations

to be continued


part five
last part

your negative view of the life and the world around you

every one of us have:

a good side and a bad side
a light side and a dark side
a positive side and a negative side

each moment in your life you decide which side you will take the good, light and positive side or the bad, dark and negative side it's really 100% your choice

one of our biggest mistakes that lead us to social phobia is we decide to see the negative side in every thing arround us by seeing negative things around us we feed the negative side inside us the more we keep looking at negative things around us and searching for them the more our life become darker and the more we belive that every thing arround us is bad, dark and negative

but if you decide to see the positive things in every thing arround you even in the worst Situations this will fead the good, light and positive side inside you and your brain will belive that life is beautiful and every body is good

belive it or not there are a lot of people live this way and they are very happey even in warest life Situations they make all arround them wonder what makes them happey

so its your choice what you want to see i ma not telling you to be Naive i know the is good and bad in life but you can see every thing good in life and be strong at the same time to face bad Situations

good luck .
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Old 03-07-2010
I_jailed_me's Avatar
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So you dont have SA anymore?
I_jailed_me is offline  
Old 03-07-2010
 

lol really? I think everyone knew that!
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Old 03-07-2010
genius's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by I_jailed_me View Post
So you dont have SA anymore?
i overcome most of it thanks for therapy i started to get my life back and i start really to be a bettr person than i ever was before

and im still working on the rest of my anxiety
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Old 03-07-2010
genius's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kustamogen View Post
lol really? I think everyone knew that!
if you know that you have these negative thoughts, feelings and view of life you can just recognize some of them not all of them
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Old 03-07-2010
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by genius View Post
if you know that you have these negative thoughts, feelings and view of life you can just recognize some of them not all of them
again.....something we all know
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Old 03-07-2010
lithium's Avatar
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Identifying these negative thoughts/feelings is simple. However, getting rid of them and changing them to positive ones is difficult. Especially when these negative thoughts have become part of who you are and take control of your life.
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Old 03-07-2010
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by genius View Post
every one have social phobia have negative thoughs, negative feelings, negative view of life

this there are a real killer for our present, future and for every thing good in our life

if you really want to get your life back you have to know what you are doing wrong and change it

as a result your life will change into a bettr life

your biggest 3 mistakes are

1- your negative thoughts
2- your negative feelings
3- your negative view of the life and the world around you


to be continued
I totally agree, I would add: your negative view you have on yourself.

My therapy also revealed my biggest problem, the root of my SP was actually: Low Self Esteem !!!
Because of repeated episodes of public humiliation during my childhood (my elder brother was hitting me and making fun of me all the time, he is still evil today, he is 30, and am 26)
My therapist gave me exercises to overcome this low self esteem, and thing got better for me since that time.
I really encourage everyone on this forum to work on it !!!
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Old 03-07-2010
userremoved
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lithium View Post
Identifying these negative thoughts/feelings is simple. However, getting rid of them and changing them to positive ones is difficult. Especially when these negative thoughts have become part of who you are and take control of your life.
Indeed, the thing I have the most trouble out of right now is whether or not the negative thoughts are really true. Or does that even matter? I've read somewhere that if they are true then they should be disregarded since they are unhelpful. However I'm struggling with that tactic at the moment, because if it is true then does it not define who of what you are?
 
Old 03-07-2010
genius's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by bony666 View Post
I totally agree, I would add: your negative view you have on yourself.
good idea i will talk about this too
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Old 03-07-2010
genius's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jneal25 View Post
Indeed, the thing I have the most trouble out of right now is whether or not the negative thoughts are really true. Or does that even matter? I've read somewhere that if they are true then they should be disregarded since they are unhelpful. However I'm struggling with that tactic at the moment, because if it is true then does it not define who of what you are?
negative thoughts and positive thoughts are really its a brain cells inside your brain
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Old 03-07-2010
genius's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lithium View Post
Identifying these negative thoughts/feelings is simple. However, getting rid of them and changing them to positive ones is difficult. Especially when these negative thoughts have become part of who you are and take control of your life.
its true that negative thoughts can take control of your life thats why we are suffering because negative thougts already take control

if you want to stop this negative thoughts using only your natural reactions then good luck you will spend the rest of your life suffering

you have to educate your self to overcome this thoughts

anxiety is a paradox that means the things you do by default by nature to overcome anxiety only makes it worest

and thats explain why we spend all this years to try overcome anxiety and we never did it
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Old 03-07-2010
Falkor's Avatar
Singing Bird
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would you like to share your story how you did overcome SA?
I am really curius, you could help us all out
What did you learnt at therapy? and what was going wrong in your thoughts when you had SA? what did you change? and what did you educate about your SA?
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Old 03-08-2010
genius's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saskia View Post
would you like to share your story how you did overcome SA?
I am really curius, you could help us all out
What did you learnt at therapy? and what was going wrong in your thoughts when you had SA? what did you change? and what did you educate about your SA?
well my social phobia started 13 years ago with my first year in high school
like most of us with social phobia my life was hell every day was worest than the day before i tried every thing i can imagine to overcome my anxiety but nothing help me it was only going worest every day is worst than the day before
i lost alot of things i lost my college, my job, my peace i lost 13 years of happey days and sucess
for almost 12 years i couldnt know what is wrong with me it was just something like curse
then i start to know about social phobia from tv and start to google it then i find this forum i was also still searching for a solution for social phobia
in past i thought im the only one with this curse then i find 100's here and 1000's on the internet
i noticed that alot here are lost like just still trying to find a solution and nothing is work
then i heared on youtube about therapy called "CBT" and i came here and asked about it a good person here send me hanouts and tapes a bout "cbt"
and "CBT" was the solution its really amazing you have to try it your self to see what i mean

what im trying to do here is to help others like i get help from others thats all
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Old 03-08-2010
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It's pretty difficult to have a positive outlook on life, to have positive thoughts & positive feelings, when nothing about your life is positive & there's nothing you can do to change that.
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Old 03-08-2010
userremoved
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lyricalliaisons View Post
It's pretty difficult to have a positive outlook on life, to have positive thoughts & positive feelings, when nothing about your life is positive & there's nothing you can do to change that.
I think that if you happened to be one of those people whose life actually does turn to **** the only way to be positive is to change what you value about life. Like those people that are born with half a body and yet for some reason some of them are happy and in relationships. I would honestly like to sit and talk with a person who is worse off than me to find out what it is they love that causes them to enjoy existing. Not to debate, but just so I can try and apply those principles to my own life.
 
Old 03-08-2010
genius's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

i post part three its about "automatic negative thoughts how to recognize them, how to kill them and how to build automatic positive thoughts" i hope you like it
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Old 03-09-2010
DarkSeeker's Avatar
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Hey Genius,

I constantly feel like a freak because of all the sexual and emotional abuse I went through, being treated like a slave for 2 decades and spending almost my entire life alone watching tv, playing video games and reading to escape reality. Negativity is so much a part of myself that feeling good feels bad and feeling bad feels good.

You wouldn't have magic cure for that would you? because I can always try ignoring it, but it most certainly won't ignore me.
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Old 03-09-2010
genius's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkSeeker View Post
Hey Genius,

I constantly feel like a freak because of all the sexual and emotional abuse I went through, being treated like a slave for 2 decades and spending almost my entire life alone watching tv, playing video games and reading to escape reality. Negativity is so much a part of myself that feeling good feels bad and feeling bad feels good.

You wouldn't have magic cure for that would you? because I can always try ignoring it, but it most certainly won't ignore me.

of course there is a cure for this i think your first step is to forgive the people who hurt you not for them but for your self

if you keep thinking about what happend to you then you will make the neural pathways that contain this memmories stronger and you will be a prisoner of this thoughts

you have to start a behavior therapy im sorry im not a doctor im just trying to share what i learn from my therapy and really work

behavior therapy must help you to forget what happend to you, make you feel secure again and help you see the world in different way
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Old 03-09-2010
Iseesky's Avatar
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I don't think everyone who has social phobia has negative thoughts or a negative outlook on things...I've met plenty of happy people who just have crappy social skills (like myself). Hmm...
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