Newbe with social anxiety/work issues

marcy5269

New member
Hello everyone,

I have been dealing with social anxiety for years now but at this point in my life I feel it is becoming dysfunctional. I am in my early thirties, married, and with two children. I recently graduated with a B.A. in English---writing is my passion. I completed my B.A. in an online accredited university because I did not want to go to a traditional classroom for obvious reasons. My degree enabled me to land two great jobs within three months after graduation. A few years ago I was terrible during interviews. I couldn't control myself from literally shaking. Fortunately, I have gotten better at my interviews (maybe from the confidence I have gained from my degree) but the problem is keeping the job past three days. The first job I was given I quit on my third day. I panicked when I knew I was going to be assigned to facilitate a meeting surrounded by other professionals. I got home, got a nervous breakdown, and quit the next morning. Three months later (last week) I got hired at another job in the school district and I quit after my first day, after finding out that most of my job would entail a massive amount of case management and interaction with so many staff members from three different schools and the offices of the school district. As I was being introduced to everyone and told all of the tasks I would have to manage, I felt I was being suffocated and felt a panic attack come over me. Not being great at multitasking I panicked at the idea that I might not perform well. How would that make me look? Once again, I cried during my whole commute back home and quit the next day. I'm trying to get a job as an English tutor instead, hoping that because it's more independent, it requires my degree, and it allows me to work one-on-one, I will stick this one out. I struggle with feelings of shame and incompetence in this mutli-tasking, competitive, and business oriented society. I feel guilty of letting go of the opportunities I have been offered but I feel that the panic, anxiety, and fear I experience are just too overwhelming. Many people would not even imagine I go through this because at first glance they may think my life is perfect but it takes every bit of energy for me to get through each day and do the usual things like grocery shopping and walking out the door--let alone joining a new job. I have reached the end of my rope. Can anyone identify with what I'm going through right now?
 

planetweirdo

Well-known member
Hi welcome to the forum :greeting:

I think that there's probably a lot of people that can identify with what you are going through. Work issues is common for people with social phobia. But I don't think that you should feel guilty or ashamed of yourself because of it. I hope that you succeed in becoming a English tutor, and I hope it works out for you.
 

R3K

Well-known member
Can anyone identify with what I'm going through right now?

I can almost identify with your scenario...

I actually went to college (physically) from about '98 to '03. I went through the same regimen of daily panic attacks in every single class before I dropped out.

anyway, I knew I was never going to graduate, and only even went because my parents were blackmailing me into it (threatening to kick me out, take my car, using guilt attacks, etc...)

I used to imagine what getting a career would be like if I indeed were truly trying to finish college. the way you described your first few days on these jobs are almost exactly how I imagined them. I went through such terror during college and never got a degree. I dream of going back and re-doing college and getting an actual degree, which, I will promptly set ablaze with a cigarette lighter and stomp the ashes into the dirt. because I know I couldn't handle the actual goal-careers society wants us to undertake with our degrees.

i'm just a bitter, regretful mid-30's man who still has nightmares, every night, of walking up to a classroom door full of ppl, then turning around and going to a park somewhere to grind my teeth in anxiety.

I don't know what to tell you for your situation, really. you kinda cheated by getting your degree online ::p: ... just kidding. i'd suggest not going for these degree-oriented career jobs just yet, and just sit on your degree for a few years. just use it as a resume-booster for some easy whatever job, get socially comfortable there, then go for something a little more difficult, etc...
 

Nazim

Banned
Welcome to the forum! :)

Here you will find like-minded people and information to help you start your journey towards social freedom.
Have you ever tried to work your way out of Social Anxiety?
 
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