no joy for the holidays :(

Is that wrong? Christmas is near and I honestly could care less. I'm sick of all the christmas songs and movies. They just make me more depressed. I hate the fact that people expect gifts and I got no money. I'm so sick of all the joy around me and I'm just miserable all the time. I'm sick of feeling even more lonely.

The month long "season" is absurd and gets old after a couple days. At least there are pretty lights.

Don't worry about money. It doesn't matter if you give people $2 presents while they spend hundreds on you. It's supposed to be gift-giving, not trade.

i would enjoy it if i had a gf to spend it with but nahhh, just another lonely christmas for me

Yea it's my most hated part of the year. I hate people so much. I hate the way they are happy for no reason. I hate the way they think they work hard when they don't. I hate the way they mindlessly blabber on about trivialities. I hate myself cause I'm like them. I also hate myself cause i'm inept at every part of life.

I like it...though i do get bit tired of hearing christmas tunes after a few weeks...& the social part what with the dinner of course is a bit stressful for me even though it is mostly my imediate family.....but I like making other people happy....that in turn makes me happy....having not much money does suck....but I still always manage to get most everyone close to me something...It seems to always get mentioned that I dont have to...& of course that is true...but I enjoy the giving part & want to...so thats why i do anyway...I dont have to recieve items in return from everyone I got something for to be happy..seeing the people I am close to be happy with what i gave them no matter how small it might have been is a present in itself.

Before i begin, Enchantress24 I LOVE your avatar!!!!!

i can't remember the last time i liked Christmas. I used to. I used to be super active in the Christmas bullshit. I did musicals and plays and all types of shit. The family would get together and fight and it would be great.

and then all of that stopped.

Christmas became a dreaded holiday where i'm subject to the scrutiny of people that are supposed to care about me but don't. Instead of thinking about gifts and food, i'm worried about how my weight has changed since the last time i was subject to them. No matter how much smaller, it was never good enough.

Then for a while in College Christmas got really cool again... i'd left my "Blood" family behind and pretty much got taken in by my best friend from high school's parents. They love me dearly like their own and always will and i'm once again lucky to have such people (no doubt without them i would not have lived this long).

But the last few years have been a little different the economy makes things like gifts and travel and all that harder. Last year i got to be with family, but it was bittersweet as so much of the family i was used to seeing around the holidays weren't there. (they'd just moved to oregon leaving me and my cousin feeling quite abandoned as we both lived with them before they moved away). But at least i had my cousin (and the rest of that family that was still down there.)

This year i'm stuck 8 hours away from my cousin, and 12 hours away from the family in Oregon, and 4 and 2 hours away from my Blood sisters, the only blood relation i have any sort of a decent relationship with at all. I don't get to see anyone. I have less than a dime to my name and haven't even managed to pay rent yet (i hate the system).

This season is driving me batty. Already super depressed around this season, this year i feel like the universe is fucking with me. the house i live in is COVERED in Christmas decorations, every other fuckin' commercial is about the "season." everyone's making plans to be with loved ones.... and i'm going to sit at home alone. Such a deal was fine for me on Thanksgiving, but i find that i'm not ok with it now. I guess there is still a part in me that does love the idea of chrismas and pines for a happy one once more... one where i can relax and actually not care weather or not people are thinking shit about me.

that seems so far away.

Ventrilo said:

Yea it's my most hated part of the year. I hate people so much. I hate the way they are happy for no reason. I hate the way they think they work hard when they don't. I hate the way they mindlessly blabber on about trivialities. I hate myself cause I'm like them. I also hate myself cause i'm inept at every part of life.

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U hate yourself cause you're like them? what do you mean?

Im sorry to hear that, fairylicious. It must be hard to spend the holidays alone. I'm lucky in that area but it doesn't mean I still like Christmas. I guess it was different when we were all little kids. There was more joy when it came to expecting 'santa clause' and all the gifts under the tree on Christmas day. For some of us, the older we get..the more depressing it gets.

I just look forward to having my traditional steak and mushroom dinner on xmas...mmm...all to myself too.

i am really not looking forward to seeing all my family on Xmas. all those awkward conversations and the constant questions about my life. how the hell am i supposed to answer "so what are you doing with yourself these days?" "oh, the usual, dealing with my severe depression and social phobia. how bout you?"

god i hate the holidays.

carsickcars said:

i am really not looking forward to seeing all my family on Xmas. all those awkward conversations and the constant questions about my life. how the hell am i supposed to answer "so what are you doing with yourself these days?" "oh, the usual, dealing with my severe depression and social phobia. how bout you?"

god i hate the holidays.

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you're soooo right! that awful question...!! here's another one: you're 24. how come you're still SINGLE?????? Man! i wanna punch them in the face!

The gift-giving thing really stresses me out. Its not so bad with my family because they tell me what they want, but with my friend/acquaintences I don't know what to get them or if I should get them anything. Maybe they didn't get me anything? Or maybe they won't like it? Plus I don't have much money also, being the center of attention when I open a present someone gave me and trying to "act the right way".

at least I don't get bothered about still being single - my family is actually pretty cool that way.

Anyone else work retail? The music is driving me insane...

cicada1000 said:

Anyone else work retail? The music is driving me insane...

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No, but they were playing Christmas songs while I was working out at the gym. Is that suppose to keep me motivated? :?

BashfulDoll said:

having people ask you random questions sucks. "how are you? manic depressive thanks. "

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You should so answer that if they ask, to punish them for the question.

Same problem with presents here. With most friends there is an unspoken agreement not to give each other presents (I'm not a Christian so technically I don't celebrate it), but with my parents, I always end up getting the wrong thing. They say they want "nothing", but well, I know they will get me something so I don't want to sit there with empty hands, that'd be awkward.
My dad usually communicates it's been a bad choice in a polite way, but my mum... she's very blunt about that. She wouldn't recognize a tactful response if it jumped her and bit her. Same about my sister. I'm a bit scared about that because I don't know if they'll like my present. :/