obsessed about being ugly.

Hey,

I know I posted things like this before, but It's a complete struggle.
When I look into the mirror, I see an ugly person with ugly features.
It's getting worse, I don't know what to do anymore because every time I look at myself, I would consider myself being extreme disgusting.
I hate my skin and skin colour, and the purple area below my eyes.
People told me I'm ugly like so many times, online people tell me I look pretty good, well it's because my camera has a bright light effect, that's all.
I'm ugly in real life, for me it's a fact, for others, family and friends tell me I look good, also people told me I'm really ugly.. I started to believe them.
Now I have this day routine, of checking multiple times (like too many times) a day to check if my reflexion is alright, I check every side of my body and face, left face I look alright, right side of the face , it's just awful.
I look at myself with super zoom in Glasses, not literally, just what they tell me, and I see too much, but I know this is visible, because I see it myself?
It's destroying my life, I feel like not going to an appointment tomorrow because I'm overly obsessed about this, I see myself walking there and people looking down on me ''because of my looks''. because this has been reality in my life, so far, when I got bullied a looong time.
It's controlling my life, and I need to get over it, but since I'm 12 years old, I found myself uglier than the rest i never wanted to be on photographs, now I do make photographs, but still need to be convinced if I look alright, and most of them I just delete and never want to look at again, I didn't care much back then, but since people went rude and saying those things right in my face, I cannot stop thinking about it, and it is a real ilness.

Awww Sassy i feel ya. If u would feel me and be in my skin. I can relate so much. Today i wake up and if saw my face i get so upset and cranky mad on myself what i feel if i looked me. Is destroying my live to completely i too think anyone who see me consider i'm ugly and if someone turn away and don't face or look at me, i think they avoid contact because they aren't able look at me any longer. I'm extremely obsessed about it and i can't looked me. If i see myself in mirror i don't like my features either. I don't like my shape of face i think people see an alien which is uncomfortable face it. Also few people told about me i'm ugly and till now i suffer with Hang on Sassy i hear ya and i think u are pretty!!! Isn't just pic it's u! U do u are prettty!!!

I know exactly what you mean. Every time I look in the mirror, I also just see an ugly person. And I've been called "ugly" quite a bit too. I hate how I look so much, I almost always avoid looking at my reflection and I absolutely hate getting my picture taken. I can't even take pictures of myself.

Same. I tend to check my reflection hundreds of times a day (in car windows, shop windows, etc..) anything i can just to make sure it's not too bad.

I can totally relate to that. The only people who ever say that I look pretty are my parents, so I have a hard time taking them seriously. Even my so called friends have called me ugly at some point. I tend to avoid mirrors so I don't have to see myself. I've kind of given up on my appearance.

I hear ya.

I'm a twenty year old girl and every time I look in the mirror I see Mama Fratelli from the Goonies (go ahead and google it). I've pretty much given up on my appearance and I try not to let it bug me so much.

There's lots of people that look really different and I'm not going to start calling other people ugly because they don't appeal to my tastes, so why should I do that to myself!?

I've found that dealing with myself in good humor and accepting the way I look, the good and the bad, is the best way. The people I want to hang around with won't care about my looks, they'll accept my weirdness in all respects.

I can relate to being obsessed with how ugly I think/know I am.

I often wonder how people can stand looking at me. Or how they can stand being around me. What do they think when they look at me? Are they horrified? disgusted?

I absolutely cannot look at myself in the mirror while I am in public. It makes me lose all my confidence. I see all the flaws, I realize they are still there. I feel like shuddering. I feel gross. I hardly ever look in the mirror because I can't stand seeing the person who is looking back at me.

Whenever I am in public and I go to the bathroom and I am washing my hands, I always look down... never ever look into the mirror.

same as above and can totally relate.
at work I hate people looking me in the face and talking to me I feel like they shouldnt have to look at me lol
I had problems with acne aswell which left scars on my face which has just made my problem of hating way I look even worse...just disgusts me when look in mirror.

Firstly, I can relate. I usually don't go out because there is something about my skin tone, I actually feel like I look like I haven't come out of my house for a long time (yellow complexion? Although that's also my natural complexion ish... olive.. woo......)/coloured bags under my eyes it seems.... Also that I look like a bum and thus can't feel comfortable pulling off own beliefs, that I'm fat, and that (thanks to angular chelitis one year ago) the sides of my mouth are starting to drag downwards and stretch outwards and it's completely sabotaging the balance of my face and giving me those frown lines! UGggggh!! That is my biggest obsession. On the bad days I run to the mirror every hour and just stare/wish they aren't there/ "I could look alright if they weren't there, now I never will." Anyways...

The only things I can think of... Do things every day that earn your own respect. Face a fear every day, consistently, and perhaps one day you'll look in the mirror and respect your image as well.

Find one thing that you like about your body, anything, if it's your toes or the way your smile opens your face, even if it's just one finger or an eyebrow, and try to almost hyper-focus on that just as much as you focus on the negative body image.

Take good care of your internal health, the discolor (that might not be there, who knows!) may lighten, and even if it doesn't, if you're clean and pretty inside usually you feel like the outside is less important or that it doesn't represent anything..You may not hold any personal fault to yourself, if you take good care of your internal health/cleanliness/er/etc. (This one works for me well).

Hmm what else. Do things that make you feel confident every day. For example? Exercise, and always try to be a little better at it every week/day, kind of the same thing as earning your own respect. Eventually you will feel... powerful, maybe more worthy? Make sure you get dressed and look as good as you can each morning, vs. staying in PJs, especially if you're not doing anything that day, seeing as there will be time for your mind to dwell more.

Take a picture where you look your ABSOLUTE WORST and post it on here. If you think your camera makes things brighter and thus less visible, darken the room or turn of flash or find a better camera? This may take some guts, but the idea here is that if you expose what you see as the "truth", your ugliness, and people still see your beauty, the contrast between what you see and what others see will be more visible...

Oh yeah, and try to involve yourself in something that holds more impact than how you look, volunteering for a cause, focusing on worldly issues, etc.

Goodluck. (I do think you're GORGEOUS by the way. It's hard to mistake that in your videos, many different angles=truly see you! And you're preeeetty pretty pretty)

everyone is their own worst critique. your sensitivity makes you beautiful, anyway.

dottie said:

everyone is their own worst critique. your sensitivity makes you beautiful, anyway.

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truer words, truer words. You're your own worst critic for most ppl, compound and throw in some SA and other issues and it's outttta controlllll. Im same way naturally =D

Smash the Mirror

I definitely know about the obsession of being ugly, it's just ugh. I cannot stand my face, it’s just sooooo disgusting. I mean of the things I would want changed, there’s definitely a lot. I don’t even want to be beautiful or anything, I just want to look OKAY. I already made an appointment with a plastic surgeon. I don’t know how much it will help but I feel like I just have to do this. I have the worst circles under my eyes, they have always been there and they will always be there. It has to do with the way the skin under my eyes folds, and so there isn’t really any way to fix it.

There is nothing that could bother me more than the way that I look. It keeps me locked up inside all the time. I feel like I just don't want to put out the extra effort to put on makeup and stuff anymore just to be outside for 5 minutes. It doesn't even help me really. I hate pictures too, the only pictures I would ever post are supremely deceptive, and have been edited.

I hate my skin too, but I feel like it isn’t really too big of a problem as compared with other things. My skin is not what makes me ugly, it just doesn’t help any. However, I always always cover my skin up, I would never go outside with the way it is naturally. If it is not too bad, and there’s just a few spots that bother you, you can try putting some coverup over it. You can almost always improve the condition of your skin, even if it is a lot of hard work.

I also have this weird thing with my eyebrows where I always have my eyes opened wide and so eyebrows up a little more. I can’t believe I do this because all this stressing of the muscles has made it so I already have some pretty significant wrinkles in the forehead area, already! It’s just so automatic now, I don’t know how to stop doing that. With everything that bothers me though, there is no doubt in my mind that my nose is what makes me absolutely ugly.

I knooow it doesn’t help but you are absolutely beautiful, I don’t know what you see, but it’s not you. I am sure there are lots of people, me included, who could only wish to look as you do. It’s so easy to discouraged, especially if you don’t like what you see.

All girls (sorry guys =D who've posted here and posted their pics I can say no fluff no lie you're all gorgeous! Saskia, Escape, Pocky, and yeah you too Psyche pshaw yeah! (I havent seen others who posted here so thats NOT saying you are ugly I just havent seen but I know like ME TOO, ppl are their harshest critics and overreact a lot). There's always features that arent "perfect" most ppl think they have. Maybe they do. But cannot hone in on them. Many maybe made fun of for certain things. There's beauty in everyone.

I've done that off and on with myself - esp when really down horribly hone in on like my ears or whatever. Or don't get any genuine, evidential feedback to the contrary. It's good to know not alone and imo - always over-exaggerated. =) (reread Dottie's words)

Re: Smash the Mirror

I have been there, and not too long ago. Like, I was definitely innnnnnn that warped thinking place. While now I'd say for the most part I'm out of it, just a couple days ago I was really down on myself again. But just the fact that the way I feel about myself physically is subject to change so much, there must be something really skewed about that way of thinking.

That being said, I know I'm just average and that really sucks taking into account how many girls are stunningly beautiful compared to me. But I try to not let it factor in as something that should change me. Because with how I was with thinking about it obsessively, it definitely changed a lot of who I was. And that really is a shame for anyone to do.

I can say, without a doubt, that you are beautiful, Saskia. Even if you try to divert it by saying that it's just because some effect on your camera that makes you appear that way to the rest of us. I've done a lot of that too. Trying to justify your own warped thinking against what others are telling you. But you're doing an injustice to yourself when you do that. I hope you start to realize, even if it's just little by little, that you are truly pretty.

Psychedelicious said:

I also have this weird thing with my eyebrows where I always have my eyes opened wide and so eyebrows up a little more. I can’t believe I do this because all this stressing of the muscles has made it so I already have some pretty significant wrinkles in the forehead area, already! It’s just so automatic now, I don’t know how to stop doing that. With everything that bothers me though, there is no doubt in my mind that my nose is what makes me absolutely ugly.

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Psssssych! Firstly, you are lovely. But ahhhh, I know what you're talking about with this. Due to anxiety and always having my forehead tensed/eyebrows up so often, I have kinda of a furrowed brow. It is probably the second biggest problem I have with my appearance that I go to to obsess over. It is why I have bangs to cover up my forehead. I like my bangs and all, but I feel like I don't have the option of nottttt having bangs which is sucky. But when I'm in a better state of mind, I know it's not the biggest deal. My nose is definitely my biggest fault that I have with myself too. But I've said this before, and I'll say it again, there's nothing that is wrong with yoursssss! Or anything about you!

Or anything about all of yooooooou!

I'm the exact same way. I can't look in the mirror anymore because i'm actually afraid to see what I look like, it bothers me so much. People online always ask me to show them my picture because I always say i'm ugly and i'm to afraid to because I know i'd have to see it first.. It's killing me @.@.. Although i'd say your certainly not ugly, brightening effect or not.

Re: Smash the Mirror

Psychedelicious said:

I definitely know about the obsession of being ugly, it's just ugh. I cannot stand my face, it’s just sooooo disgusting. I mean of the things I would want changed, there’s definitely a lot. I don’t even want to be beautiful or anything, I just want to look OKAY. I already made an appointment with a plastic surgeon. I don’t know how much it will help but I feel like I just have to do this. I have the worst circles under my eyes, they have always been there and they will always be there. It has to do with the way the skin under my eyes folds, and so there isn’t really any way to fix it.

There is nothing that could bother me more than the way that I look. It keeps me locked up inside all the time. I feel like I just don't want to put out the extra effort to put on makeup and stuff anymore just to be outside for 5 minutes. It doesn't even help me really. I hate pictures too, the only pictures I would ever post are supremely deceptive, and have been edited.

I hate my skin too, but I feel like it isn’t really too big of a problem as compared with other things. My skin is not what makes me ugly, it just doesn’t help any. However, I always always cover my skin up, I would never go outside with the way it is naturally. If it is not too bad, and there’s just a few spots that bother you, you can try putting some coverup over it. You can almost always improve the condition of your skin, even if it is a lot of hard work.

I also have this weird thing with my eyebrows where I always have my eyes opened wide and so eyebrows up a little more. I can’t believe I do this because all this stressing of the muscles has made it so I already have some pretty significant wrinkles in the forehead area, already! It’s just so automatic now, I don’t know how to stop doing that. With everything that bothers me though, there is no doubt in my mind that my nose is what makes me absolutely ugly.

I knooow it doesn’t help but you are absolutely beautiful, I don’t know what you see, but it’s not you. I am sure there are lots of people, me included, who could only wish to look as you do. It’s so easy to discouraged, especially if you don’t like what you see.

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Awww psychedelicious You are so cute how u describe all of it. I can relate to a lot of stuff what u said. Yes! I do this too with eyebrows all the time they fly up and i can't control this. One time i went make picture of myself (because i need for ID) and photograph had huge issue shoot pic of me because my eyebrows was flying all the time up and he can't catch me normal in peace:/

Well covering with make up i too can't go out natural because i believe i look disgusting with out and even if i put on i don't feel good enough but just little better. Like i'm scared show my real face my real identity.I'm scared show face it how people will react on my face if i will walk natural with out no make up. Well i know a lot girls and woman don't go out with out make up or they have career where is needed. But i exaggerate i will even miss all of stuff out like meeting with important person, don't open door if post officer will ring on bell etc. Is very much annoying and make live complicated on high level.

I saw your nose and is nothing wrong with him is cute one But i understand u very well and if u think may help u go for it!! Well i think u are pretty btw. but is just in your head all of it!!

thanks all for the replies. i can relate to a lot of you.
you know, my brother and i are sitting on the couch, he looked at me, and just told me i'm disgusting.. thats so mean! but its kinda hard to not believe him, is it just him being a bastard or is it the truth? damn! -.-

Either beauty is not as superficial as it may seem, or we are all abysmally superficial.

Saskia said:

thanks all for the replies. i can relate to a lot of you.
you know, my brother and i are sitting on the couch, he looked at me, and just told me i'm disgusting.. thats so mean! but its kinda hard to not believe him, is it just him being a bastard or is it the truth? damn! -.-

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Hun don't listen your small bro he just want fight for fun as sometimes brothers and sisters do. Don't take him too seriously i'm sure he don't mean it. He want just fight coz he is bored and he knows this will offend u. Head up

Saskia said:

thanks all for the replies. i can relate to a lot of you.
you know, my brother and i are sitting on the couch, he looked at me, and just told me i'm disgusting.. thats so mean! but its kinda hard to not believe him, is it just him being a bastard or is it the truth? damn! -.-

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That's what siblings do. If you were ugly (which you're not), then he'd probably be too, as you share a lot of genetic traits.

I called my sister a "f*cking ugly whore" a countless times when I was younger, usually as a response when she called me f*ggot or something similar. Neither of us actually meant it.