Obsessed with my own I.Q. :(

First, I want to say I've tried to find my answer through google, wikipaedia, and various sites. . .
Second, I know I'm going crazy over something that per se - on rational grounds solely - is ridiculous. What I'm presenting here is a painful psychological/emotional condition.

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When I was about 10 years old I was taken a number of psychological tests because of my generally disruptive behaviour. It came out I had an iq of 127; I liked that.
I got a 95 percentile on a raven type of test some years later which implies, I understand, something somewhere half through the range 120-130; pretty consistent. . .

Since even before that time and now I had the most harrowing emotional life characterized by loneliness and constant situations of abuse/harassment; hell hasn't even stopped for me in that sense. To put things into perspective, having established an online romantic relationship with some hopes of an actual encounter feels like a terrific change for the better.
Towards the end of high school I had mostly forgotten about iq and used to explain my situation - that is: seeing things in a different way, feeling profoundly different to the vast majority; away from social trends - as some sort of philosophical/psychological stance.
The concept of iq came back to me in these later years - mostly from hanging around different forums where earlier or later someone posted some online test. I took a variety of these tests, getting as low as 100 (once! ) and as high as 139, doing better with matrices and mostly confirming an average close to my earlier "official" results. The last score I feel I can take somehow seriously is 130 from some matrix type test (made by somebody realted to Mensa I think) some years ago with some distance between that and other tests; even if I indulge in other tests after that, I refuse to consider the results - they don't make much of a difference anyway. . .

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My obsession arises from the following. . . Earlier or later I ended up in one of these forums and found a thread about giftedness. I related profoundly to some of the things I read in it so I started researching the matter a little bit and this is what keeps gnawing at me:

1) I seem to have most of the qualitative characteristics of giftedness. Even though I did not do something like learning to read at the age of three I did stand out in a number of ways. By around the age of 8 I found myself deeply interested in astronomy/astrophysics; reading and thinking about it by myself to the point of accumulating a considerable amount of knowledge (even for the standards of "layman" adults) - I got sent to some school psychologist once at the age of 12 for insisting with one of the theories I ended coming up with. At the same time I quickly thrived as a short story writer (my first story was about scientists constructing a machine to destroy an approaching black hole - most of my classmates were struggling to reach a 10 lines quota and the teacher initially believed I had ripped it off from somewhere). Something a bit more bizarre is the memory of me whining, during kindergarden, about not being satisfied with just knowing something I had learn about chlorophyl. I had differences like that all throughout but not in every area.
I used complex statements with an extensive vocabulary and got bullied for that. . .
I did have, too, the "sense of justice". I was deeply hurt by things being arbitrary/unfair. I used to do a lot of thinking for myself to the point of finding the religion teachers (for example) contradictory in a dishonest way.
I have always (too) experienced things in a rather poignant way; this was mostly pointed out by others and have come to terms with it only now.
Before qualitative descriptions of giftedness to which I can strongly relate I have found a way to understand part of my problem. I'm not understood and the terms in which I like to be understood seem beyond most people (but not all), I suffer my lonelines. . . and I suffer it more. Then those descriptions are accompanied by rather harsh iq range definitions which sometimes seem to imply "nope, you are not gifted. . . you are an average dude just like them".
I know I belong to a gray area and am more close to 140 than to 100. . . the fact that I'm not a bonafide genius shows in some of my shortcomings and the sheer distance between 100 (or 96 which is the average here) and "my 130" shows in other things. I can understand this rationally. The fact that I still can't find many people to relate to, the fact I can't help being extra-careful 'cause dorks have proven to be quick to point out these shortcomings as proof I should "shut up and not annoy them with my theories/knowledge/whatever", the fact I don't feel fully entitled to easily explain myself through giftedness yet I do seem to suffer from a part of it, those things hurt me. . .

2) This second thing is more scientific I. . . presume. I've read a newspaper article stating that there's something altogether different in brains corresponding to iqs over 120 - a layer of cells allowing for a qualitative change. I found another article, this one online, describing the typical characteristics of giftedness then stating that there's a qualitative jump at "130" (isn't iq too vague a concept for such strictness?) and almost describing anything below the 98th percentile (that would include me at the 96th or 97th at best) as little more than narrowminded and intolerant blockheads (such is the qualitative jump! :roll: ). ¿Anyone heard of any of this?.

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Have some patience. . . I needed to give vent to this. :?
I'll fix some of the grammar later on, this was keeping me from sleep and now I need to rest. . .

Ok Synapse,
I don't know whether you have really answered exactly why you are obsessed with your IQ. I gauged that you seem to be identifying a relationship with giftedness, such as high intelligence, and emotional difficulties.

I think that social anxiety is really about emotions, so maybe you could apply your mind power in relation to your feelings and spend more energy concentrating on what your feelings are. Maybe you are too much of a brain person and not enough of a heart person. -I don't mean to offend you with that statement, but I didn't really understand fully what you were getting at with your post ...other than that you want to acknowledge how the strong qualities of your mind are connected with the weaker ones of your emotions.

And during your reading have you come across the term Emotional Quotient-? Because this is about emotional awareness and intelligence that doesn't necessarily have to do with IQ but is, supposedly, what goes into how happy a person is. And it has to do with how aware a person is of emotions and how well they manage these.

...I'm not putting you down since I'm in the same boat as you (only I don't have a particularly high IQ, although I am gifted in other ways). But if what you're trying to do is reinforce a sense that you only have such a weakness because you have such a strength -then I'm all for this view of people. I completely agree. So I suppose the question then is, taking this observation of people as being a correct one, what would your mind do with this information?

Would you like to do my homework for me ...ill pay well 8) 8) 8)

LittleMissMuffet said:

But if what you're trying to do is reinforce a sense that you only have such a weakness because you have such a strength -then I'm all for this view of people.

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I'm trying to understand. To eliminate doubt.

I did run into a "stereotype of the gifted" that is both intellectual and emotional. I even found an article explaining how actual geniuses manage a certain degree of social adaptation (not without other problems) whilst people in the range I either seem to belong to or be borderline with are smart enough to seem weird to others but not smart enough to adapt all the same; a situation similar to my own ensues. . .

My social phobia (I find this term too blunt for my mixed and messed up situation) is related to a lifelong feeling of exclusion steming from psychological abuse up to this day - I have yet to be given a break.
One of the most hateful things I found is that mainstream culture at large does not provide any explanation for what I am; it has some pretty dumb stereotypes, people rush to label me and they do it pretty poorly. I'm not supposed to exist. Language, as it is here used, does not recognize such thing as myself. A backward culture of frustration and envy does not help either. . .

The possibility of finding myself explained away in a written text somewhere - the idea that at least on the net (available to all) there's a text that conceives such thing as giftedness as I feel I experience it and the (indirectly considered) possibility that under certain circumstances someone like myself could exist is a relief. "My mind" does not do anything wonderful or rational with this "piece of information"; it's just a relief - the relief of a need purely emotional.
I think language itself and some of the things people are led to believe just because language exists in a certain form is a joke; I always knew what I was - beyond language. That's rational. . . and I scornfully enjoy this idea to it's ultimate consequences when I feel well.
A word, a text that's just right. . . feels like really fitting in somewhere, in other people's minds - the possibility of being understood and even liked.

As emotional as this is when I read things like "the qualitative jump happens at 130 and the remaining 98% of the population is all the same nananana" (I think the iq - percentile match is not even right!!!). . . I cringe. Also, I'm honestly curious if there really is such thing; I thought somebody might know. . .
I feel - I ache - the difference between me and the vast majority, then some text hints me I might be just insane (which doesn't feel true anyway). Well, I just cringe. . .

. . .and late at night I do feel particularily worse about this kind of thing.
Hence the thread. . .
Sorry!.

I think your problem is a self-image issue. You ARE a very intelligent person if you really took an official IQ test and ended up with an IQ of 127. You have to realize that these online IQ tests are not as accurate as an official test. They are not to be taken too seriously.

The problem is that your self image says that you are a highly intelligent person (because of the IQ test you took at age 10). But you started to doubt this after you took the online test that said your IQ is 100. And as a result you got obsessed with proving your self image is valid and you do have a high IQ.

This is only my explanation I am not a psychologist, although I do read about psychology a lot.

regards,

Maarten

Maarten said:

I think your problem is a self-image issue. You ARE a very intelligent person if you really took an official IQ test and ended up with an IQ of 127. You have to realize that these online IQ tests are not as accurate as an official test. They are not to be taken too seriously.

The problem is that your self image says that you are a highly intelligent person (because of the IQ test you took at age 10). But you started to doubt this after you took the online test that said your IQ is 100. And as a result you got obsessed with proving your self image is valid and you do have a high IQ.

This is only my explanation I am not a psychologist, although I do read about psychology a lot.

regards,

Maarten

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I agree with this...& I'd add that I'd be vary wary of taking on board the results of an IQ test you did at a young age.
I had a very high IQ test result as a child..& my mum got called into the school by an overexcited headmistress.
I've been treated as highly intellegent ever since...which is just silly.
I might have been a bright child...but I'd describe myself now as quite stoopid.
I think the important thing here isn't your IQ...but why it matters so much to you.
Why is it so important what you are? Try looking outside yourself..instead of focusing on yourself...
The fact that each time you've done a test its had different results shows how we can't really measure our worth in anyway...we change all the time.

I'm in the top 1 percentile of my country, IQ is 156, I did a mensa test once.

I have kinda examined social life cuz I sucked so bad at it. Now it's better. The thing that keeps me going and trying is.. girls seem to like me. I get approached when I go out etc. People around me seem to think I'm "cool". I still mostly hold off on too much social contact, including girls, because too much social contact just completely destroys any and all (which isn't much) calm and control over my life I have.

I'm still in the process of trying to somehow get comfortable with regular social contacts, but it's not easy. It's annoying that I'm so very flaky towards all my friends, and so distant towards many girls that like me. (must be very frustrating for them as well, I can tell)

But I'm trying.

I scored around 130 in the few tests I have taken in the past but frankly I don't think intelligence is measured accurately by those tests. Too much of the outcome depends on previous knowledge (also in the form of learned ways of reasoning) and on the other hand a lot of abilities are left out. So in the best of cases the score should be seen as a measure of a persons' current capability of solving certain (and only those) types of logical and spatial problems. They can't measure genetical characteristics very well, and can't measure a large number of other abilities. A very restricted definition of intelligence in my opinion...

As for belonging to the 5% higher percentile of the population, well that sounds good, but it's not such a big deal if you think about it. I mean the remaining 95% includes old people, people with learning disabilities, people who had no chance of schooling etc... and still one person out of 20 scores like you. Go into a university randomly, and the figure is probably more around one in five...

Honestly, I don't see a relation with SP.

IQ tests measure "something" - not really intelligence, but something close to it - that correlates with the ability to perform in tasks that typically require intelligence. For example, with an IQ below 120, it's impossible to ever finish a doctorate.

And I do think there is some correlation between SP and high IQ. This is just my hypothesis however, never seen any proof. For one, high intelligence often comes from hyperactive brains, which result in a disadvantage in social context vs people who have 'calmer brains' so to speak. Second thing is that social life is ruled by emotions. People who see emotions more clearly are the ones that thrive in social contexts. It's not at all all-enveloping, but I'd say high IQ people tend to be more logical, which can cause them to not really understand what is going on in social life, which ultimately leads to stress.

It's gonna sound weird but it wasn't until I had actively been training empathy that I started to understand, intuitively, how social life worked.. and slowly integrating in groups and dealing with people became an automatism instead of a chore.

hans1 said:

IQ tests measure "something" - not really intelligence, but something close to it - that correlates with the ability to perform in tasks that typically require intelligence. For example, with an IQ below 120, it's impossible to ever finish a doctorate.

And I do think there is some correlation between SP and high IQ. This is just my hypothesis however, never seen any proof. For one, high intelligence often comes from hyperactive brains, which result in a disadvantage in social context vs people who have 'calmer brains' so to speak. Second thing is that social life is ruled by emotions. People who see emotions more clearly are the ones that thrive in social contexts. It's not at all all-enveloping, but I'd say high IQ people tend to be more logical, which can cause them to not really understand what is going on in social life, which ultimately leads to stress.

It's gonna sound weird but it wasn't until I had actively been training empathy that I started to understand, intuitively, how social life worked.. and slowly integrating in groups and dealing with people became an automatism instead of a chore.

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hmmm...I know I've already put my two pence worth in here...but this just reminded me that...I did a test recently & scored 98% in scientific intuition (which I think is your logical thought processes) against only 40% in emotional intuition. So maybe there is something in this?
I'm a woman....& I'm an emotional retard

hans1 said:

IQ tests measure "something" - not really intelligence, but something close to it - that correlates with the ability to perform in tasks that typically require intelligence. For example, with an IQ below 120, it's impossible to ever finish a doctorate.

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I know someone with an IQ lower than 120 and is a pharmaceutical doctor.

Synapse,
Is it possible that the alienation that you felt growing up caused you to search for ‘reason’ and now you are trying to prove that the reason (IQ) is valid so that you are ‘entitled’ to feel the way you do? Would it help you to know that your feeling of alienation, the unwillingness for others to accept you as you really were and are - were always valid, deserving compassion, and poignant in their own way – regardless of the entire issue of IQ?

My sister and I were tested for IQ in the fourth grade (9 years of age). We were both around 128. But IQ is performance against your own age group so the very next year we could have been 100 or lower. My father and uncles were gifted and they each seemed to experience that different ways but – for the most part – they lived like the rest of us except that they turned to their workplaces for challenge and innovation. I now work for someone who has an IQ of 178 – I am certainly not her intellectual equal (based on my job performance – I seem to be average just like most others I work with) but I and others still support her as a friend, encourage her to strive for her goals, laugh with her etc. She has a full life with a husband, kids, etc. and she turns to the sphere of work to express her ideas – stretch her mind etc. She seeks work with others of her talents – together they bounce ideas off of each other and challenge each other. I am saying that it’s possible for a person of high IQ to live a normal emotional life (and normal life has pain and frustration and the feeling that no one understands them) and expend their gifts in professional or artistic achievement with peers for an outlet.
I fear that your perception of IQ as a dividing line (us vs. ‘them’) may either be a source or an exacerbating factor in your loneliness. I think my IQ seems average but you have said you experience loneliness MORE than I do….but what empirical evidence do you have for this? Must I regard my painful loneliness as less harmful to me than your is to you? I mean to encourage you by saying that I respect and feel compassion for your painful isolation and would feel that way even if you told me that you did not know why you felt so lonely - and I believe that others here could sympathize too because they have various causes for isolation. But I encourage you to not to view IQ as a wall that separates you from the rest of ‘us’. I hope that you are able to find yourself at home among people who may not struggle with the exact same issues as you do (IQ) but know the sharp bite of loneliness, frustration, rejection, crushed dreams, not being taken seriously – these I believe are born in the heart – not in the head – and are therefore common to us all. I invite you to feel at home among us – we are always looking to welcome those who seek sanctuary here. Welcome.

IQ, tacit knowledge, emotional and mood stability are all fundamentally unrelated. That is to say, one can have a high IQ and function well in society, one can also have a low IQ and be socially inept. All combinations are possible and there is no probability based on these factors alone.
A more likely indicator of a relationship between IQ and social function is culture.
For example: In Israel, knowledge is highly regarded, and in many circles, the most knowledgeable are held in the highest regard. As a result, they, from a young age, have more opportunity to socialize and develop social skills with relatively less insecurity to factor into the development of social anxieties. In America on the other hand, from a very young age, a great deal of importance is placed on physical development. Sports are the Holy Grail of youth culture in America, and this inevitably leads to a stigmatization of the less physically developed, which usually compensate for their lacking physique with knowledge and brain power. This, in turn, leads to high IQ social misfits. In Japan, somewhat of a balance is present. Some circles place a great deal of emphasis on sports and physical accomplishments while others place the same importance on academic accomplishments. Needless to say, school life is all-encompassing for the youth of Japan (for edification: academics are generally held to be more important than anything else at the school age). Niches exist for a wider variety of people, and as a result, the correlation between IQ and social function is closer to zero (the hikikomori being an exception).

ps. To address the original question. Obsession with one's IQ, under these circumstances, may be out of compensation. After all, what's worse than being a failure/social misfit AND stupid (to put it bluntly)? If your self-esteem is telling you that, then your obsession can be understood as with the one thing in your favour.

My mother has an IQ of 170 and works part time stuffing envelopes.