OCD Nightmare please help advice needed!

conscious_mindz

Well-known member
Hello there, I have not been diagnosed with OCD but it is something i have been suffering with for a few years, but recently in the last year it is beginning to take its toll on me. Basically i have OCD for perfection & symmetry, Also whenever i buy something "brand new" from a store such as a new mobile phone, Television, or a new kettle, new furniture, new clothes etc.. I have to check it thoroughly for any marks, scratches, blemishes etc.. I feel if i buy something brand new then it has to be absolutely spotless.

I purchased a new mobile phone last month & before i could even use it i had to check everything, i check the back of the phone for scratches & marks / dents / blemishes & i can spend up to 30mins just over analyzing the back of the phone, THEN i move to the side of the phone checking EVERY angle & every curve making sure there are no marks or blemishes, then putting the screen protector on the phone..it has to be 100% perfect, no dust marks under the screen, no fingerprints, no blemishes, It took me a total of 4 hours of checking my new phone for blemishes before i could even switch the phone on & begin to use it. If i didn't do all of those checks i would not be able to enjoy using the phone, i would constantly be thinking "what if there is a huge scratch that i didn't notice or what if there is a blemish that i didn't check etc..

If i buy a new pair of jeans or a T shirt or pair of Trainers i check EVERYWHERE for marks or tears & rips, I run my eyes along all of the stitches to make sure all of the stitching is straight & not overlapping or threads coming loose, If i don't do these checks il be thinking "what if the jean threading is coming loose & the jeans will begin to come apart at the loose stitching.

Basically anything i purchase must be checked thoroughly before i can actually begin to use it, I HATE it & it is causing me so much anxiety but i cannot shake the feeling, It can sometimes take me many hours looking for blemishes or "faults" with the brand new items, sometimes i look for so long & if i cannot see any problems its like my mind creates them...its like i am seeing things that are not even there, because i check it soooo much & i keep going over & over & over it eventually i think ive seen something when its not even there.

I also have a BIG problem about symmetry & everything has to be "just right" Everytime i make a cup of tea i boil the kettle & pour the water, then i check the kettle to make sure its not touching anything, i check the sugar bowl to make sure there are even gaps inbetween the coffee jar etc.. It sounds like MADNESS when im writing this down & i don't know why i check it but i feel compelled to do these checks before i can relax.

If i do no make these checks then my mind starts racing & i feel uncomfortable & cannot relax, I don't get the feeling of " if you don't check this something bad will happen" I don't experience that i just feel uneasy as if i need to check something before my mind can relax.

My home is clean but im not a clean freak, The only reason im not a clean freak is because cleaning causes me more anxiety, as i have to move things & dust them etc.. & then i have to go into checking mode making sure i put everything back "just right" just as i found them.

I suffer with social anxiety & depression, I live alone & my home has now become like a prison surrounded by OCD triggers. Sometimes at night i prefer to sit in the dark because if i have lights on my eyes start to get drawn to items around my home & i begin to check them to make sure they are in symmetry & feels "just right" Living alone has its pros & cons..the pros are that nobody can touch my belongings but at the same time when i am suffering my OCD symptoms there is nobody there to say "hey its ok" & talk me out of it, its just me on my own & i feel like a victim of my own mind :-(

Has anyone else experienced the same things as me regarding checking items & everything has to be just perfect? I don't know where all this OCD stemmed from but i am finding it very uncomfortable to live with
 

conscious_mindz

Well-known member
Hi Earthcircle No i haven't but i will look into it, i will buy the book online & give it a read if it will help, thanks for the response
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
When I was a small child, I was obsessed with symmetry. Then I discovered Stravinsky's music, which features rhythmic asymmetry. Then I became obsessed with asymmetry! Eventually, I wrote a book about symmetry and asymmetry. It's actually a fascinating topic, and for pure intellectual stimulation you may want to read Ian Stewart on symmetry. As for OCD, the book by Foa is great. You can be fascinated by symmetry as an intellectual topic without being eaten up by OCD.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
I suffer from OCD but your compulsions seem unique. They're not based in shame or fear.

It could stem from your upbringing, if you had demanding parents or were in situations that required perfectionism.......but, I kind of think a lot of this might have to do with your need to have some control. Maybe you don't feel like you have much control in life and this compulsion gives you a little-everything is lined up just right-you control that.

I don't know if medication would work. But, Luvox and Anafranil are reputed to be top of the line.

..What if you just messed everything up, and said "**** it" and just rode out the agony? I know it would be a living hell but eventually you might be able to just sweat it out. (give yourself a few days to be a complete and total nervous wreck).
 

conscious_mindz

Well-known member
Hey ImNotMyIllness that is some great advice, I have often thought about messing everything up & just riding out the agony, I have done that on a small scale & eventually i learn to live with it, But i have a bundle of OCD compulsions for every room in my flat! It would take a LOT of messing up & a LOT of agony, but i think by doing that it would help me a great deal.

But im still stuck with the problem of checking items that i purchase, I don't know how i can get over that as its not something i can mess up as in regards to the symmetry. If i buy something & don't thoroughly check it over then i simply can't enjoy using the item. I purchased a new TV for my bedroom 3 weeks ago & i am STILL checking it for marks, i look all around the back of the TV, the TV stand, the Bezel around the TV, the TV screen, The remote control, i check it ALL for scratches & marks & if i don't i simply cannot just relax & watch the tv, I am going to check it over one last time on Monday & then my mind can relax & then i will be getting to the gym & exercising, taking multi vitamins & try to fight back against my OCD & try to rationalize my situation before it gets any worse.
 

conscious_mindz

Well-known member
Thanks Earthcircle, I have been looking for that book online & i managed to purchase a brand new copy of Edna Foa stop obsessing for under £10 so i will be looking forward to reading it. The book by Ian Stewart i will also be looking for very soon as it might also help me thanks :)
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
Perfect symmetry is homogeneity. Some asymmetry is necessary for there to be any pattern or structure at all. So asymmetry is our friend. But that's not therapeutic advice, of course. I recommend Foa for that.
 

RegalSin

Well-known member
OP their is nothing wrong with you at all. I understand that feeling. If I start thinking about various subjects or with work ethic I might become obsessed myself. In fact if I had all the money in the world I would probably replace everything in my room and household with the nicest looking NEWISH etc thing. Maybe I could suggest you have work and now your thinking about the credit you have access to, and those "money signs" roll forward. You know what I mean???? That is my take on the whole perfection ( now their goes that feeling with obsession ). Whatever it is just ride it out. Just keep on moving forward.

Here is something I realize. I am stepping on things I brought that costed over hundreds of dollars. I feel so stupid afterwards. Guess what? I have a scar ( not wanted ) that I have to deal with. I hurts me a lot, among other scars or blemishes on my body. Now I have something on me that is imperfect-ed. Their is nothing within my power that I can do about it; without "breaking the bank" ( which is an sacrifice I unable to make ). So like me the things I own are just imperfect, damaged, or have been through an insane ride. Not going to care anymore and just keep moving forward, and enjoying life.
 

akala

Well-known member
I might know how you can deal with it but it seems to work with me, so maybe you can try it. It 's like a form of exposure, you just play out your fears, so just buy something without checking, but it's easier said than done for you. I think that's how most OCD is treated, but IDK i still suffer from it and I'm researching on it.
 
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