OCD ROCD? INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS please help

When I was fourteen I had a sudden onset of ocds over night. I had terrible thoughts of hurting my baby sister all the thought worsened and became everything terrible thought you would never want to think about. I was diagnosed with PANDAS pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorder associated with strep. Basically I got strep throat and my own antibodies confused my brain for the infection and attacked my brain. I was fine for a while and got the ocds back. The thing that's bothering me the most is I have no emotion for my boyfriend anymore. I broke up with my ex for the same reason. My current boyfriend is everything I could want and more, I want a future with him but why don't i feel that emotion anymore? I also worry if I'm gay or asexual i don,t know what's wrong with me. I want this feeling back for my boyfriend so badly. Can an ocd change your emotions? It has always taken me a long time to fall in love with people. I just want to feel normal again I want those feelings back with my boyfriend. Is this ROCD?
 

DWToCd

Member
I'm sorry that you are having these feelings.

My ocd started in a very similar way also. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with an infection with me. I think it was due to a drug problem I had, once I got off the drugs my chemical balance was all messed up. I had horrible intrusive thoughts about hurting my husband at that time. I actually thought I had been poisoned, because how could I be thinking these horrible things?

About your current relationship, I would say that you should really talk with a therapist/doctor about this. If you really want a future with him you are going to have to work at it. No relationship is easy and when you have OCD it makes it that much harder. Depending on how long you have been together, certain feelings can fall aside (which is true with any relationship), but your OCD may making it more noticeable to you.
Your therapist may be able to help you work on different areas that make up a loving relationship. There are certain types of behavior each person likes and there are certain things that make you feel loved.
For instance...
Some people really like physical contact.
Some like verbal (saying I love you, or verbalizing what you like about other person)
Some like gifts, or the other doing things for them.
Some like to just spend time with other.
I know there are others, I just can't think of them right now.

Your current boyfriend may not be communicating the love to you in the correct way that you need. It is always good to touch on all of the ways to show love, but usually someone likes one area more than others.
If he makes you fell loved, I'm pretty sure you will start having feelings for him again.
 
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SAYC

Active member
I had terrible thoughts of hurting my baby sister all the thought worsened and became everything terrible thought you would never want to think about.

I understand this OCD; mine first happened with my mom when I was 12-I had impressions of stabbing her. My father died when I was really young and my mom meant everything to me so this floored me and I thought I was going crazy. I got my mind under control but OCD returned when I was in university.I got it under control, fell in love and OCD attacked me on my honeymoon night. I did not know it was OCD at the time-I just thought I was weird and it was horrendous.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I think I used OCD as a survival tactic-it protected me from loss. If in my head I killed someone off, then I would not be emotionally destroyed if they abandoned me. Eventually this just turned into not feeling anything at all. I knew I loved people and acted that way but the warm feeling inside was gone.

Now that I have been diagnosed and the OCD is under control with meds and psychotherapy, I am rebuilding my ability to feel. That is my goal in therapy; to get out of my head and into my heart. I don't know how old you are but I am doing this after 30 years of suffering. The sooner you get help with this, the faster your recovery should be, I think? All the best.:)
 
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