Och aye the noo

Kiwong said:

It's a shame your journal it tucked away in the Adults section.

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Ah know, but then, ah think that doon tae the swearin' in the title. Hard tae believe youse lot actually huv any interest in readin' ma thoughts - as dull n' borin' as ah um.

Ah could make another thread, or ask if ah can change the title (if possible)? Ma thread title wuz jist an play on the phrase "Aggressive, ***** Scottish people".

Kiwong said:

Great answer to the Doctor, that's a question a dumb journalist would ask, innit?

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Aye, jist as dumb. Quite patronisin', actually. :veryangry: Git on ma ****, so it does.

Whit's the difference between a dumb doctor and a dumb journalist? The occupation. :sarcastic:

Ah know ah should be daein' stand-up comedy beneath a pub - wi' drunken Scottish folk.

Scotland's a funny place... No' jist coz the sun only shine fur aboot 4 months uh the year. Then buggers off tae Spain fur the rest uh the year. :bigsmile:


Well, the Scots dialect's funny when ye actually look at it and hear it.

Nae idea why am tellin' youse this, but... A few weeks ago, ah wuz up in Glesga, or Glasgow as it's known tae those who're no' fae there. Anyway, ah wuz there wi' ma sister tae see a stand-up comedy show at the Clyde Auditorium venue.

So we're sittin' at the front uh the disabled access platform on the left-hand side uh the threate. There wuz the same platform at the other side uh the venue. We're wait fur the show tae start, 80s music playin' over the PA system. We're talkin' about that, and who's else might be daein' a tour this year, the 2014 Edinburgh Fringe festival which were hope tae go tae this year.

Behind us there's this Glaswegian couple sittin', chattin' away anaw, like we are. The wummin - who hud curly black hair - says, at yin point: "Ah see Robbie Williams is playin' the Hydro Arena next month" The slightly bald guy she's wi' goes, in a deadpan, sarcastic tone: "Oh, aye! Good fur him" Ah smile coz ah dinnae want tae laugh.

But then, a few moments later, at aboot 7:50pm, afore the show started an announcement came over the PA system. The same announcement that usually played afore shows at the SECC - which is just next to the Clyde Auditorium. So the announcement went like this:

[Bong] "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the SECC - Clyde Auditorium. We hope you enjoy this evening's performance. We don't anticipated any problems this evening, but should an emergency occur the following message will be played over the PA system..."

And the guy sit behind me 'n' ma sister - who made that sarcastic Robbie Williams remark - went: "Run" Well... ah, seriously, hud tae bit ma tongue, jist tae stop masel' laughin' hysterically Ah thought ah wuz gonnae fall oot ma chair laughin'. :bigsmile: Ah turned roon tae the guy and say: "Hope that isnae the only funny joke the night. That wuz a belter, you should be daein' stand-up"

Only in Scotland d'ye heckle a pre-recorded public service announcement.

Ah've never understood why some folk make a connect between the weather and no' feelin' well, physically. Y'know whit ah mean?

Like "Oh, ah've got a sare leg - ah think it's gan tae rain the day" That kinda thing. Well... ma mum's a bit like that. She is.

She said summit like that the other day, in fact when we were gan tae Dumfries. The oldest sibling actin' as chauffeur - since neither me or ma mum can drive. So... Still makes me laugh jist thinkin' aboot it.

We were jist a few yard away fae the hoose, just turning left the end uh the road, when ma sister says: "It's lookin' awfy thundery the day, we could in fur some rain" Ma mum's response tae this statement is: "Aye, that's why ah've got a thundery heidache" :bigsmile: Well, ah hud tae laugh - efter ah went "Whit...?!" Ma mum's response is made aw the funnier by the fact she didnae even realise what she'd jist said wuz hysterically funny. She didnae even intent it tae be - since she wonder why ah suddenly started laughin'.

Ah mean, as unintentionally funny as the response was, it wuz how ma mum said it that made it so hilarious. There wuz'nae any humour in it ataw fae hur point uh view. As if the phrase "thundery heidache" wuz a normal expression ye hear everyday amoung Scottish folk. And said wi' such natural comic timing - ye couldnae write that. Surrealist comedy at it's finest.

Got tae love folk who, not only, dinnae realise how funny they are. But they dinnae even huv tae try n' be funny - coz it comes naturally.

Ah wish ah hud the self-confidence tae be as loud n' irritatin' as folk aroon me. Families, eh...

Would dae ma speakin' voice some guid anaw. Ah hate huvin' a low, quiet, mumblin' voice - ah mean, ah can yell like f██k when am really angry. But maist uh the time it's almost like am tryin' tae hide ma Scottish accent fur some odd reason. Like am ashamed o' it or summit? Which couldnae be further fae the truth. Ah don't know... it's weird. Also huvin' a bit uh confidence would probably help me greatly in how other folk perceive me. Coz right noo, ah come across as dour n' miserable, and cynical - like a typical Scot in many way.

But when it comes tae social interaction, ah feel sooo oot ae place - like a f██kin' Nazi float at the Notting Hill Carnival. :bigsmile:

Just wanted to say ah am really enjoy'n readin yer thread ...oh I think I just embarrassed myself goin all alabama/northern irish/australian accent...I am rubbish at accents Although I do say 'aye' a bit because my sister lived in Edinborough and 'aye' stuck to her and then I picked it up. And I lived with a scottish guy once (he was a funny baptard) and he said aye a lot too, Its a good word for which there is no real equivalent.

I really like the way you tell things, youre a good storyteller, its a talent.

joule said:

Just wanted to say ah am really enjoy'n readin yer thread ...oh I think I just embarrassed myself goin all alabama/northern irish/australian accent...I am rubbish at accents

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Same here - am pure shite when it comes tae accents. Aside fae ma ain. But ah didnae take drama class in high school, ye see. Well, not after ma 2nd year. Though, ah probably should huv done.

joule said:

Although I do say 'aye' a bit because my sister lived in Edinborough

Edinborough? Is that no' how Americans spell n' pronounce Edinburgh? Am jokin'... Well, no' really coz they actually dae say it like that. :bigsmile:
Git it up youse!

joule said:

and 'aye' stuck to her and then I picked it up. And I lived with a scottish guy once (he was a funny baptard) and he said aye a lot too, Its a good word for which there is no real equivalent.

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Aye, but there nae real equivalent fur the word "F_ _ k" either. But, oh aye, it becomes a habit sayin' "Aye" aw the time, especially if yer Scottish. Coz we cannae stop sayin'.

Oh, livin' wi' Scottish folk is always a laugh. Never a dull moment, eh. Though, we can cruel-humoured, sarcastic, twisted f**kers at times - but then that our sense uh humour.

Personally, ah've always been a wee bit jealous uh folk wi' Tourette's Sydrome. Mainly, coz they've got an excuse fur swearin'. Though, the "It fits wi' the rhythm of our speech argument" is a good argument for Scottish folk swearing - coz it kinda does. F**kin' ramblin' on noo. Typical...

joule said:

I really like the way you tell things, youre a good storyteller, its a talent.

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mg: Awww, jings... ye really think so? At times ah think am too abrupt in the way ah tell things.

But cheers, anyway. Appreciate the compliment since am no' really confident in ma storytellin' abilities, maself. Or sure if am aw that funny, tae be honest. Or jist unintentionally funny - like, eh, Boris Johnson.

Storytellin' n' being hilariously funny withoot even tryin' - 2 things Scottish and Irish folk huv in common.

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Ah think stand-up comedy as genre is on the verge uh becomin' a dead artform because...

When did we start takin' comedy so seriously? Jokes are meant tae make ye laugh. If a joke's dealing with a topic that some find offensive and it happens funny then ah don't see any problem with it. Other than some getting upset. But there shouldnae be limits tae what ye can and can't say in comedy, as long as there's a point to a joke.

Even though, people have right to be upset when it comes offensiveness in comedy. They shouldnae feel the need tae force their comedy tastes ontae everyone else.It'd be borin' if comedy wuz aw the same, in terms of jokes, won't it? Plus, not everybuddy like the same kinda comedy. Even though, ah've got a fair appreciation of all comedy.

But ah do think being offensive just for the sake uh causing offense is f-██-kin' pointless and not very funny. Like being famous for no apparent reason... But, anyway, enough aboot Paris Hilton. :bigsmile:

Huv laugh every now n' again. Imagine livin' yer life withoot comedy n' laughter... You'd be miserable, won't ye? But the world nowadays is f-██-kin' miserable, anyway - in ma opinion. Ma advice: Laugh more, be happy and smile - 3 things ah rarely do. But, still, ye might no' be as depressed, then.

Sorry, lately, ah finished readin' an interesting book about offensive comedy. Just summit tae ponder n' think aboot... And that aw ah've got tae say fur now.

Wait-you changed your thread title name this has confused me... (LoL I changed my user name also confusing...)

MollyBeGood said:

Wait-you changed your thread title name this has confused me... (LoL I changed my user name also confusing...)

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Hiya! :greeting: Is that you, April? Sorry, darlin', ah probably should've telt ye. But ah hud nae idea you change yer username, ya wee dafty! Until ah checked ma PMs, recently & wondered tae masel:"Eh.. Who da ████'s Molly?" ::

Aye, eh... Ah got in touch wi' Remus the other day an' asked 'em if ah could change the thread title an' huv it moved oot uh the Adult section. Since... ███kin'-what-his-name? Oh, aye, Kiwong[/I]. He said that it wuz a shame ma thread wuz tuck away there. Ah think it could've been the swear word in the title religated there. Plus ah hudnae put much thought intae ma original thread title. Jist sorta went: "Aye, that'll dae..." Only recently comin' tae it wuz s**te!

Also, ah toned doon the swearin'. Not by much but ah black maist ae it oot. So youse can fill in the blank, so tae speak.

So, long story short, that's why ah changed ma thread title. :bigsmile:

LOL!!

agressive scottish shite, right? hey that rhymes

wow how do you do all that black boxing? I see a field of it!!

Graeme1988 said:

Same here - am pure shite when it comes tae accents. Aside fae ma ain. But ah didnae take drama class in high school, ye see. Well, not after ma 2nd year. Though, ah probably should huv done.

Although I do say 'aye' a bit because my sister lived in Edinborough

Edinborough? Is that no' how Americans spell n' pronounce Edinburgh? Am jokin'... Well, no' really coz they actually dae say it like that. :bigsmile:
Git it up youse!

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haha we'll have to blame t.v. for my bad accents. But yea row-an he-are day say 'edinbruh' an day tawk lyke dis. He-are can ye guess where me gaf is?

Aye, but there nae real equivalent fur the word "F_ _ k" either. But, oh aye, it becomes a habit sayin' "Aye" aw the time, especially if yer Scottish. Coz we cannae stop sayin'.

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Yes! I understand this, I use c**t quite liberally, for example:' Ah you put milk in my tea you big thundering c*'*t'

mg: Awww, jings... ye really think so? At times ah think am too abrupt in the way ah tell things.

But cheers, anyway. Appreciate the compliment since am no' really confident in ma storytellin' abilities, maself. Or sure if am aw that funny, tae be honest. Or jist unintentionally funny - like, eh, Boris Johnson.

Storytellin' n' being hilariously funny withoot even tryin' - 2 things Scottish and Irish folk huv in common.

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I absolutely do think so. I always really enjoy reading your posts, I think you should take a thing that has happened, any experience at all, however seemingly insignificant, like going to the shop, and I think you should fill in the details how you do, the people you came across, what you thought, what they said, what that made you think of and make a short story out of it. I think you should start (if you havent already) working on that (if you wanted to) because I think you have a talent for writing.

MollyBeGood said:

LOL!!

agressive scottish shite, right? hey that rhymes

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That's a good 'un. Aye, that's right... That's me. :bigsmile:

MollyBeGood said:

wow how do you do all that black boxing? I see a field of it!!

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Ah just Googled "How to blackout text", and click on the 2nd link in the search results.

joule said:

Yes! I understand this, I use c**t quite liberally, for example:' Ah you put milk in my tea you big thundering c*'*t'

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Pfft....! :lol: That huz tae be the most hysterically funny use uh the c-word ah've heard in a while. Well, actually, am laughin' mair at the words that prefix it. "Big thundering..." Aw, that's quality.

joule said:

I absolutely do think so. I always really enjoy reading your posts.

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Awww, thanks. Am blushin' noo. :shyness:

joule said:

I think you should take a thing that has happened, any experience at all, however seemingly insignificant, like going to the shop, and I think you should fill in the details how you do, the people you came across, what you thought, what they said, what that made you think of and make a short story out of it. I think you should start (if you havent already) working on that (if you wanted to) because I think you have a talent for writing.

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Once the weather gets a bit brighter - in Scotland? Aye, right. We've only got 2 seasons: Winter and June :bigsmile:

Anyway, ah also need tae got the batteries of ma electric wheelchair fully charge up and wheels pumped up, afore ah take ye up on that suggestion. Ma town - sorry, toon, as we say in the Scotch dialect - recently got some regeneration done. So it's mean ah can finally git oot the hoose mair often.

Until then, yer just gonnae huv tae make do wi' true stories fae ma real-life, fae ma past. Y'know, stuff that happened years ago. That always makes me laugh, the attention tae detail Scots give ye when sayin' summit. Even the blantantly obvious detail that dinnae need mentioned, git mentioned.

Though tae be fair ah've got a few stories fae ma high school days where ah've either made a fool uh masel' and being social akward (Girls were usually involved). Or me observing somebuddy else makin' a fool of themselves. French and science classes during ma first 2 year of high school were a right laugh. And school assembly hall meetings where ye'd git lectured tae by the head teacher... Comedy gold!

Graeme1988 said:

Pfft....! :lol: That huz tae be the most hysterically funny use uh the c-word ah've heard in a while. Well, actually, am laughin' mair at the words that prefix it. "Big thundering..." Aw, that's quality.

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Once the weather gets a bit brighter - in Scotland? Aye, right. We've only got 2 seasons: Winter and June

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We have fally down rain and fally sideways rain and sometimes fally upwards rain...but that last one is more likely to be experienced when youre a bit fally down tipsy. heh

Anyway, ah also need tae got the batteries of ma electric wheelchair fully charge up and wheels pumped up, afore ah take ye up on that suggestion. Ma town - sorry, toon, as we say in the Scotch dialect - recently got some regeneration done. So it's mean ah can finally git oot the hoose mair often.

Until then, yer just gonnae huv tae make do wi' true stories fae ma real-life, fae ma past. Y'know, stuff that happened years ago. That always makes me laugh, the attention tae detail Scots give ye when sayin' summit. Even the blantantly obvious detail that dinnae need mentioned, git mentioned.

Though tae be fair ah've got a few stories fae ma high school days where ah've either made a fool uh masel' and being social akward (Girls were usually involved). Or me observing somebuddy else makin' a fool of themselves. French and science classes during ma first 2 year of high school were a right laugh. And school assembly hall meetings where ye'd git lectured tae by the head teacher... Comedy gold!

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The detail makes it! Sure write them down, the stories you have in your head from the past. You could make a collection of your adventures. I bet theyd be both hilarious and insightful :thumbup:

Graeme1988 said:

Okay, awright... Hiya. Did y'all miss me?

Sorry aboot ma long absence - there's summit ma dad never said tae me. :ironicsmile: Ah know, ah probably shouldnae really laugh at that, but then am a dark, wee soul. Anyway, the reason for it, wuz that ma older sister n' her husband made a somewhat short, spontaneous, impromptu visit. She's movin' back to Ireland, her husband's fae Belfast. So... ah will'nae see her again until March, around the time o' ma birthday.

Anyway, to recap ma life story so far... Ah wuz born. :bigsmile:

It's been weird growin' up when yer mixed race. Mainly because yer caught between 2 very different cultures. Or in ma case, 2 cultures that see things from a certain perspective - polar opposites in many way. Sure, am proud tae be Scottish, but ah've got indifference tae ma African heritage, somewhat. Mainly because the acknowledge o' bein' half black came from the racial slurs said tae me everyday at school. The whole thing of "That person's different from us, he's not like us. Why is he talkin' the same way we do?!" .

Ah mean, yer gonnae standout when ye look like:

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I think the real mystery here, and what you are leaving out, is if, in fact, it really was fab to be 5.

Maybe I'm not up to date on my Scottish lingo, but what is "och aye the noo"? I have been trying to figure it out for a while now!

Chum Dog Food Australian Commercial - YouTube

This ad, taught me all the Scottish ah noo.

MikeyC said:

Maybe I'm not up to date on my Scottish lingo, but what is "och aye the noo"? I have been trying to figure it out for a while now!

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I would also like to know:thinking:

Lavinialuna said:

I think the real mystery here, and what you are leaving out, is if, in fact, it really was fab to be 5.

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Aye, it wuz fab tae be 5 years old - as it always is. But it aw went tae s**te the following year when ah started gittin' racially bullied. :sad:

MikeyC said:

Maybe I'm not up to date on my Scottish lingo, but what is "och aye the noo"? I have been trying to figure it out for a while now!

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springk said:

I would also like to know:thinking:

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Awright Mikey and Spring, ah'll explain it. Brace yerselves...

"Och aye" means "Oh, yes". And "the noo" mean "just now". Some Scots do say it, but when they do, it usually means "Awright". Either that, or they're takin' the piss oot uh how Scots are perceived stereotypically - huv ye no' seen the movie Braveheart. :bigsmile:

Basically "Och aye" and "the noo" are 2 seperate Scottish expression, rarely used together. An example of latter expression would if someone asked you if ye wanted something to eat and ye weren't hungry, ye would think aboot it, then say: "Eh, no' the noo" (Eh, not just now).

Wouldnae huv this translation problem if Google Translate included Scottish in their auto-detect languages. But they dinnae... the swines that they are!

Kiwong said:

Chum Dog Food Australian Commercial - YouTube

This ad, taught me all the Scottish ah noo.

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Well, yer Scots lingo is limited at best. And ye misspelt "Ah know" - by the way. Gave the game away there, pal.

But anyway, that Australian dog food ad is just what maist Scots sound when we're sober. Just a wee joke there. Though, tae be fair, we don't drink as much alcohol compared tae the rest of the UK. Well, not anymore. No' unless it's Rangers vs fellow Glasgwegian fitbaw team Celtic at the Ibrox Stadium or Celtic. Dependin' on what teams wins, they'll either git drunk and celebrate or git drunk an' start a rioting and batterin' f**k each other. :bigsmile:

And some numpty Rangers supporter'll make total fool uh himsel' runnin ontae the sidelines and lunge at the Celtic manager. That's end up on BBC Reporting Scotland - that's the regional BBC news bulletin for main Scottish news.But maist just hurl insults at 'em and supporters of the opposite side. Like the c-word... And ah don't mean "Catholic" that not as offensive as call 'em a cun... It's a bit like a parlimentary debate, but with more swearing and alcohol fuelled violence.

Coz ye see, Celtic and Rangers fans are divided by religious beliefs and a few miles distance in terms of where they're home football stadiums are. Rangers fans are Protestant; whereas Celtic fans are largely Catholic.

Though, contrary tae popular belief, those aren't the only 2 football teams in Scotland, they're jist the most popular. Ah mean, there's other teams like, Kilmarnock, St Mirren, Hibernian, Dundee United. But they're not as good or top uh the league, so huv fewer supporters. Ma sister's an Aberdeen FC supporter, for example. Nae jokes, there just... facts.