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Old 11-08-2011  
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Default People being condescending to you (in a friendly manner)

A lot of people handle people with social anxiety differently I've noticed. Some try to avoid you, some try to waltz over you or confront you, but does anyone else sometimes feel like you're being treated like an idiot by people?

It's like certain people act nice but ingenuine around me, a bit like how people would treat, I don't mean this offensively, a mentally handicapped person.
I have a strong suspicion this is mostly a way to make themselves feel better, like they're somehow the wise, mature, socially capable person and you're the idiot. They try to create some sort of power position, probably even without being aware of it. Also it feels like people are talking behind your back with others, they notice certain behavior ("oh he's lonely and depressed") and try to come up with silly thought-out ingenuine "strategies" to help you out. I especially notice this with roommates of mine, who I've not been very social with lately because I have zero in common with them.

A example is that I went away for a week to see my girlfriend without telling anyone. (Why, it's none of their business and people in a student house come and go all the time without saying) And they got together and started sending me texts like "hey, we miss you. Are you okay?" , even going as far as sending embarrassing Facebook messages to my girlfriend. It's flatout insulting that I can't go away for a week or so, without people thinking I killed myself in my room or something, while I'm actually doing fine in reality.

I always react sarcastically as a defense mechanism. I don't like people acting as if I'm not on the same level as they are. I'd rather have someone being flatout rude to me, atleast it's honest.

Maybe it's just me being unaccepting of "friendliness", but I find most of it to be phony and hypocritical. True friendliness wouldn't make the other person feel like an idiot.

Last edited by gustavofring; 11-08-2011 at 07:02 AM..
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Old 11-08-2011  
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Default Re: People being condescending to you (in a friendly manner)

I had to read this a few times to get a full feeling of what you mean. I can imagine that it would be annoying. I sometimes get the feeling that people almost pity those who have social anxiety, and rather than treating them as an equal and responding to them in a way that they can relate too, they unintentionally insult them instead. Like a charity case.

I have had people talk down to me and treat me like I am a bit stupid because of my own social ineptitude... I think people may see it as weak...and by relation, perhaps a bit dumb.

No one likes being talked down too...everyone wants to be treated with respect and dignity. I think its kind of nice that they were concerned about you, but perhaps they dont understand the kind of effect that are having on you by the way they go about it.

Just my take.
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Old 11-08-2011  
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Default Re: People being condescending to you (in a friendly manner)

Sarcasm is a good form of comeback as they probably just expect you to be timid and accept it as they give it. Also you are clearly not acting like the idiot they think you to be if you are sarcastic with them. I know anxiety makes me act like an idiot sometimes, like going out through the fire exit when I didn't take notice of the sign. It doesn't mean i'm mentally handicaped, just that I didn't pay attention as my mind is in overdrive. Perhaps I was too eager to get out of the anxiety inducing hot house of a work place that I didn't care what exit it was. However, a co worker put their hand under the sign in a big once over and tell me what it is like i'm stupid. I want to be sarcastic or something in that instance but without their help I would still be stuck in the stair case. Just ask them questions like are they right in the head for talking to you like that. Turn it around, tell them 'you are acting strange towards me, are you quite alright, or are you on a period'.

ちひろ
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Old 11-08-2011  
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Default Re: People being condescending to you (in a friendly manner)

that does sound kinda bad...but at the same time at least you have people who care enough about you to be sending you those embarrassing messages and come up with "strategies" to help you....i do feel like sometimes people treat me like im a child, but id still love it if they wanted to try to help me out, even if they did go about it in the wrong way
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Old 11-08-2011  
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Default Re: People being condescending to you (in a friendly manner)

Yeah that's exactly it, the feeling of being a charity case to them. I'm sorry, my initial writings were a bit incoherent. English isn't my first language so I sometimes have trouble putting my thoughts into the right words.

I possibly should be more apreciative of people being concerned for me. It may just be my pride, or simply denial that things are going bad. Still, if I need help, I feel like I will ring the bell myself.

And by them acting like this, it has the opposite effect. I feel like a huge spotlight has been put on me behind my back, and that I've been the subject of intense gossip and talk. Thus I feel even more like I have become the "crazy shy guy" in the eyes of everyone else. While I'm doing absolutely fine, I'm just not that much of a social animal around them.

I don't know, I just have a huge distrust of "groups" in general. People act like such sheep and do anything to be liked, such as showing concern for me, while I doubt they really care, or are too chicken to just ask me one on one how I am doing.

I should possibly move out, because it's an unhealthy living situation to me and it's causing me a lot of stress to be around roommates all day. I don't like the social pressure of having to participate in everything, and being shoved in some outsider role if you don't play along, just because I'm a bit more reserved then others. I literally am procrastinating cooking because all the happy happy sounds in the kitchen make me want to NOT go there. I also dislike all the small talk you have to go through, which is why I'm usually quiet and don't show a lot of interest in them which may come across a bit rude and ignorant. I honestly do not really care for their lifes, and I don't want to pretend I do neither.

Last edited by gustavofring; 11-08-2011 at 06:19 PM..
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Old 11-08-2011  
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Default Re: People being condescending to you (in a friendly manner)

if you told atleast one person or so that you were going out, would they be more at ease and let you be?

Just from experience, people like to know whats up, and by tricking their psyche I just "act" the bare essentials so the default thought they have is "he is quiet but talks when he needs to, not a bad guy" ofcourse I haven't been in your situation, I have noticed it can be like a pack of wolves, if a wolf were to just be lonesome he would alienate himself from support from the pack. Afew words here a smile there, as a sign you are different but capable of living. It goes a long way, always find the funny side to every situation, even when it seems there isn't one. keep using sarcasm.

It is hard to smile if you're in hell thats for certain, but its important to never let negative thoughts linger, take out the trash and think of you, who you really want to be, and watch peoples behaviour, everyone is programmed since childhood to be social, people like you and I missed the boat on that one. Probably great if you could find a quieter less intrusive living situation, until you reached a level of understanding about the everyday chatter. It feels like noise polution less to me now, but I still hate it.

Last edited by -lonestar-; 11-08-2011 at 07:53 PM..
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