people eerily similar to me are well-liked but...

AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
...but im not and NEVER have been..even at times when iv gone out of my way to be friendly and funny and kind im still disliked by people but then some other person (who shares so many of my same personality traits that its almost scary) has total success with befriending the person who rejected me......its like im not even given a 2nd glance or benefit of any kind of doubt or jackshit...its almost like im ****ing cursed or something


anyway, im just venting I guess
 
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Argentum

Argentum

Well-known member
It's hard to account for individual chemistry. Social relationships aren't like mathematics. I know what you mean, though. I've followed every piece of advice in the book and am still alone while bigots, narcissists, and even paroled murderers are not. It's like no amount of good will make up for my bad. A curse is a good way to describe it.
 
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AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
sometimes I think its partly because i dont fit a particular mold...its like if I just hopped on some kind of bandwagon with some trendy shit i might actually have a chance but i just cant bring myself to do that.
 
N

NamiraWilhelm

Well-known member
What differences do exist between you? Maybe he doesn't give a rat's *** what people think or is just more comfortable in himself? Is he you without the anxiety?
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
NamiraWilhelm said:
What differences do exist between you? Maybe he doesn't give a rat's *** what people think or is just more comfortable in himself? Is he you without the anxiety?
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its the more confident version of me with nicer clothes and more friends and less of a conscience...so its like if people had the choice ot hang out with ME or the other guy they would choose him hands down and I dont even stand a chance....and on top of that he'd probably talk shit about me and so would his freinds which just lowers my chances even more .....so basically he would have more social prowess and people to vouch for him in any situation.
 
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NamiraWilhelm

Well-known member
Makes sense, confidence is certainly attractive.
At least it says that if you were more confident and comfortable in yourself, this doppelganger serves as proof that you would indeed be a very likeable person :) further incentive to stop you holding back, no?
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
I guess thats true. I could improve in certain ways..but still i'd have the problem of not having any social sway in order to gain likeability...metaphorically it would be an uphill battle (with rocks being thrown at me) just to be a contender....im thinking about just focusing on different priorities in order to reinvent myself because socializing/making freinds has never really worked for me anyway.
 
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Mokkat

Mokkat

Well-known member
Constantly comparing yourself to others to such an extent is not healthy for your confidence.
I try to avoid it when I can - mostly with success when it comes to more complicated matters like "likeability", but I still always end up doing it when it comes to measurable or goal oriented things like performance in school.

Even if the person you're mentioning was your identical twin in all areas, he would probably appear and feel much more confident and "likeable" than you, simply from not constantly reflecting on things like this.
I'm not implying you have a choice in the matter, I know I don't - just try not to beat yourself over the head with it.
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
Mokkat said:
Constantly comparing yourself to others to such an extent is not healthy for your confidence.
I try to avoid it when I can - mostly with success when it comes to more complicated matters like "likeability", but I still always end up doing it when it comes to measurable or goal oriented things like performance in school.

Even if the person you're mentioning was your identical twin in all areas, he would probably appear and feel much more confident and "likeable" than you, simply from not constantly reflecting on things like this.
I'm not implying you have a choice in the matter, I know I don't - just try not to beat yourself over the head with it.
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well its not just one person its more like a handful of people iv known or known OF over time..but I get what you mean.
 
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Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
They probably don't beat themselves up the way you do, thus being able to be liked and approachable. People don't really like attaching themselves (and don't naturally attach themselves) to people with low self-esteem/confidence.
 
Argentum

Argentum

Well-known member
Sacrament said:
They probably don't beat themselves up the way you do, thus being able to be liked and approachable. People don't really like attaching themselves (and don't naturally attach themselves) to people with low self-esteem/confidence.
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I don't like attaching myself to people with low empathy who care more about whether or not someone is strong than whether or not they're kind, wise, or have integrity. I guess we mutually repel each other.
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
Still, you need confidence in order to approach people and want them to think of you as someone they want to have around, otherwise you'll seem to them as being distant or being the one who doesn't enjoy being around them.
 
Argentum

Argentum

Well-known member
Sacrament said:
Still, you need confidence in order to approach people and want them to think of you as someone they want to have around, otherwise you'll seem to them as being distant or being the one who doesn't enjoy being around them.
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Doesn't change my opinion at all. I need confidence to express myself clearly, but I'm better off without people of low character who'd rather have a confident narcissist than someone who's less sure of themselves but makes a point of living harmoniously.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I think I would like it if people were neutral towards me, they didn't notice. It's dislike that I find hard to deal with, I don't ask to be loved or well liked.
 
anomicdeer

anomicdeer

Well-known member
Same here. I alway try to see what it is. Smile, dont smile. Act like I dont care, be nice?

Everything.

Doesnt work.

Its something about me.

Once I've made a friend (a true feeling that the person likes me because I dont have to go out of my way for anything) someone moves....

A curse...
It's all part of a curse.
 
anomicdeer

anomicdeer

Well-known member
NamiraWilhelm said:
Makes sense, confidence is certainly attractive.
At least it says that if you were more confident and comfortable in yourself, this doppelganger serves as proof that you would indeed be a very likeable person :) further incentive to stop you holding back, no?
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For me (this is AtTheGates thread but maybe this can apply to them too) it seems when I'm confident it comes off as not caring, being mean, an *******, or I just look weird or something that make people turn up their nose, roll their eyes, cut their eyes, avoid me, ignore me, all that kind of stuff and makes me a creep or reason to blame me on something that went wrong.
 
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