people telling you how to live your life

Why do some people have to constantly critisise others for the way they live there lives. Why does it bother them so much that some people are different to how they are.

like for instance im not really into clubbing, i go occasionally but i rarely enjoy myself. The whole thing just doesnt appeal to me.
Well Someone asked me the other day where I like to go out and I replied that I go to a few places but I dont really like going out much I prefer to stay in and watch films with friends or read books, and they were like, "whats wrong with you, you dont like going out to bars, you should get out more and start living your life".

Now its this "you should" statement that annoys me. Why should I be doing this just because youve told me i should. as if I was put on this earth to do something I hate, and be unhappy for the sake of what someone else thinks I should be doing. It baffles me that they have this need for me to be like them. I can honestly say that i dont care what anyone does with their life, so long as their happy and it doesnt directly affect my life im totally cool with it.

My dad constantly says i frustrate him. This is because of things like not wanting a promotion at a certain job or not wanting to buy a new car, even though my old banger works and does the job. I dont want these things because I dont need them and I know they wont make me happy. I like doing the work im doing and a promotion would mean more money but a job i would hate. but my dad has this idea that to have a good life you need to have a respectable career, a big house and lots of money. why does it annoy him so much that i dont share this view. its like he cares more about his own pride than my happiness. can anyone shed some light as to why some people need to constantly judge others?

im always being told by people I need to change my ways and I think its this constant judgement and criticism that caused my sa when i was younger.

Does anyone else feel that people always interfere in their lives and that the constant pressure to perform to societies expectations is what causes their anxiety? does anyone do activties they dont enjoy to fit in or to gain respect from others or do you just do your own thing?

People can get uneasy when you don't follow social norms, because in a sense you are making them question their own values, which many people are unwilling to do. So for the example with your dad, he seems to equate success with money... if you aren't rich then you are a failure. But you don't need money to be happy; there are many more important things in life than money. Since you have rejected this norm, your dad is getting defensive and tries to make it look like there is something wrong with you, rather than this core belief of his.

As for the clubbing example, maybe this person is insecure and feels the need to constantly socialise to feel validated? Maybe they are trying to feel better about themselves by pointing out that they socialise more than you... who knows? I would try not to let that comment get to you.

**** em'.



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wo. said:

People can get uneasy when you don't follow social norms, because in a sense you are making them question their own values, which many people are unwilling to do. So for the example with your dad, he seems to equate success with money... if you aren't rich then you are a failure. But you don't need money to be happy; there are many more important things in life than money. Since you have rejected this norm, your dad is getting defensive and tries to make it look like there is something wrong with you, rather than this core belief of his.

As for the clubbing example, maybe this person is insecure and feels the need to constantly socialise to feel validated? Maybe they are trying to feel better about themselves by pointing out that they socialise more than you... who knows? I would try not to let that comment get to you.

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well said! I totally agree.

I get a lot of pressure off my family to get a "proper" job on some kind of corporate ladder and use my degree etc but I've come to a point now where I just politely thank them for their concern but go ahead and do my own thing anyway. Cause at the end of the day I know what's best for me more than they do. I have tired to explain to them but I don't think they understand. I've made a lot of choices in my life that are unusual, and I'm passionate about a lot of things that most people don't care about, which can be hard cause you feel like you're trying your hardest in life but all you get back from people is that you "should" be doing something else. It's even harder when you start to wonder whether they're right or not, cause you start to doubt yourself. But I think you've gotta stick with what your heart tells you to do and sod everybody else. that's the best way.

Oscelot said:

**** em'.


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I entirely agree.

I'm not trying to critisize the original post.... but I sort of wish more people would tell me how to live my life... and when they do, I wish I'd listen.

I totally understand how u feel man. I've pondered that too, about if there's pressure from the other side to try and they what they do, but all I can say is follow your heart, and don't put so much hard emphasis on what other people say. Take it one day at a time and see where it takes ya.

I f###ing hate people who do this! It's as if they are saying that it's ''normal'' to be into the same things as they are into i.e drinking and partying. Not everyone is into golf for example so why should it be any different? People are like sheep always striving to conform to the apparent normality of society.

A few years ago a workmate who was overly outspoken thought he should tell me to go to some parties and he had the cheek to tell me things like ''look at me i have a girlfriend and my own place to live and i'm younger than you!''...He basically made me feel like sh#t!

It's as if people think that the key to a happy fulfilling life is to go out and get drunk. F#ck them all i say!

Just ignore the ignorants, even if they are the majority

its a good topic u wrote here,until you are happy with what you are doing and the way you live dont let anyone decide for you.Theres many things in life which we need,but if ure at the point where youre happy then theres no point of changing anything.

sorrow1 said:

Does anyone else feel that people always interfere in their lives and that the constant pressure to perform to societies expectations is what causes their anxiety? does anyone do activties they dont enjoy to fit in or to gain respect from others or do you just do your own thing?

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yeah sometimes i do things just to fit in and i hate it because it causes so much anxiety that even if there was this little possibility i enjoyed it i dont.but when i dont try to 'fit in' and say to myself that i will do the things that i want in my life,well i can't do that either cause of my anxiety.i end up dependent by others and unhappy