Please Help Me Out of This Hell!!!

I am new here and I am pretty sure to have this AVPD thing since I have all the symptoms.My story so far:
I am 23 and I live in a small country with mixed cultures and religions. My childhood was the best part of my life as I was the most loved child of my family. But I did not have any friends in the neighborhood as I was overprotected by my parents. I had developed this way of escape through daydreaming which I recently discovered was maladaptive daydreaming. At around 12 yrs age, I was called crazy by some of my neighbors after they saw me talk to myself during my daydreaming. They started looking at me differently and that really blew my confidence away. I then mostly remained inside the house when I was not at school just to avoid them. At high school I could not concentrate on the studies and I was severely bullied. I also got this skin problem where I was itching everywhere on body whenever I was stressed. I had sleepless nights as the itching would start if I only thought about it. I also developed this obsession with my hair after somebody said to me I had lost some of them. Today, I don't have much hair left and I think that I have BDD. I have recently completed my university degree in Mechanical Engineering. University years sucked as well as most boys would mock me due to my hairloss and girls would not pay attention to me. I have cut ties with my group of friends as some of them were always mocking me for being weird or for for having no girlfriends. I got rejected by the 2 girls that I have loved all my life and today I am all alone. During my industrial training related to my degree, I endured 6 months of nightmare as I had to deal with a whole new environment and my boss/supervisor used to belittle and humilliate me in front of the workers. I still live in my parents house and I stay inside almost all day. I am in search of a job but I am so scared that I will mess up any interview I get. I have lost all my confidence and self esteem. I feel so scared of small things in life that its starting to kill me now. I cannot say anything to my parents as I am not sure they will understand what is going inside my head and I have no money to go to a therapy which is quite expensive in my country.
Sorry for being so long and Please give me some advice as to what to do in my life

Hi there, Dexter.

I'm sorry about this unfortunate chain of events. We can all sympathize with it, having gone through similar struggles us here. Unfortunately I don't have any direct advice to give you that'll significantly help you at this time. Avoidance can be difficult to overcome/challenge.

But in any case, welcome to the forum. I'm sure that if you stick around you'll, in time, learn methods and tricks that'll benefit your situation. We've all got the physical tools to overcome it - we just need to find out how to effectively utilize them.

I am sure many of us can relate to daydreaming. Although when you were faulted by your neighbors it was unpleasant for you, if you asked them about it now they wouldn't remember it. I had bad acne when I was in my teens and this affected my confidence, as for your hair loss there are many people who shave their heads completely these days because of pattern baldness. Being belittled in the workplace is a common practice I'm sorry to say, better to be obsessive about your task than the people around you. Have you tried long-distance running? It is a lonely sport but keeps you in great shape and gets you used to being out in public.

Hey dexter, welcome to the forum.

Your story struck a lot of cords since my position is similar in many ways. my bdd coupled with terrible low self esteem made my life an absolute hell.

unlike you though i didn't finish my degree, and that's something you need to be really proud of.

first things first, discuss your position with your parents. my relationship with my parents is at its best now, since i discussed how i was really feeling, with no sugar coating involved. when i was younger my parents dismissed all the anxiety and self esteem issues i had, and basically told me to "get on with it".
only after i couldn't take anymore and they decided to listen, did i feel more comfortable with them, and they with me.

secondly, decide a course of action with your parents. i decided i needed help and so i went to a psychiatrist. but remember that you are your own greatest mental health counselor. until you find the will to make change happen, therapy is of little use. i was put on medication, since i needed it. decide what you need and what's best for you and stick to it.

thirdly, you have to realise that progress is slow, and you're never gonna find an absolute cure for everything. the most important thing to remember is that others feed off from the vibes you give of about yourself. you need to present a strong impression of yourself otherwise people will walk all over you. someone hurt me tremendously in this way, and it put me back immensely.

lastly, you have to find purpose in something, be it in your work, or in your hobbies or even in religion. you have to find a routine that's based around some other form of motivation other than your problems. it takes effort to do this, but the effort is worth it. where there's a will, there's a way, as they say.

Thanks for your support guys!! It means a lot as nobody really knows what is going through my mind these days and the suffering accompanied by this AVPD.

planemo said:

Hey dexter, welcome to the forum.

Your story struck a lot of cords since my position is similar in many ways. my bdd coupled with terrible low self esteem made my life an absolute hell.

unlike you though i didn't finish my degree, and that's something you need to be really proud of.

first things first, discuss your position with your parents. my relationship with my parents is at its best now, since i discussed how i was really feeling, with no sugar coating involved. when i was younger my parents dismissed all the anxiety and self esteem issues i had, and basically told me to "get on with it".
only after i couldn't take anymore and they decided to listen, did i feel more comfortable with them, and they with me.

secondly, decide a course of action with your parents. i decided i needed help and so i went to a psychiatrist. but remember that you are your own greatest mental health counselor. until you find the will to make change happen, therapy is of little use. i was put on medication, since i needed it. decide what you need and what's best for you and stick to it.

thirdly, you have to realise that progress is slow, and you're never gonna find an absolute cure for everything. the most important thing to remember is that others feed off from the vibes you give of about yourself. you need to present a strong impression of yourself otherwise people will walk all over you. someone hurt me tremendously in this way, and it put me back immensely.

lastly, you have to find purpose in something, be it in your work, or in your hobbies or even in religion. you have to find a routine that's based around some other form of motivation other than your problems. it takes effort to do this, but the effort is worth it. where there's a will, there's a way, as they say.

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I understand what you are saying about telling all to my parents. But, the problem is that I know the way my parents think and I'm absolutely sure they won't understand me. I love them a lot but they won't understand me as they believe only completely crazy people need to go to the psychiatrists. They are also very religious and will make me go to a priest if I told them about my problem.
These days I am really trying to find a job so that I can pay my therapy myself. I am also trying meditation a lot now just to calm my mind down but the problem is the moment I get out of the house all the negative thoughts and irrational fear come back.
You said something about progress being slow and I agree with you about the fact that I must try. However, I have tried a lot in the past. I've used a lot of self help books, written in a diary just to motivate myself for each day and even tried to change my personality by trying to act more confident. Unfortunately. I have failed every time facing another humiliation. I even lost a bit of my faith in God after going through all this. But, I've not given up yet and I'm still trying. I guess I just have to accept the fact that all this was written in my destiny and I must live with it now

Dexter, believe me: there are other people (like me!), who may not know exactly what you have been through but empathize because they have been in similar situation. I have no words of wisdom for you. But i feel stuck too. So you are not stuck alone. I envy your ability to be so open with your story. I hope to be as brave as you one day and open up.