Please Listen

Hey guys. How's it going?

Here's my latest problem with people: Listen. When I ask you to listen, I have not asked you for advice. I do not want to be told what to do, how to feel or what to think. All I asked was for you to listen. When you have put yourself in my shoes, heard me out, and haven't judged what you have heard, you will have done what I asked. My heart will go to you and I will trust you so very much. Then you can give me your sweet advice, lend me some sympathy or just give me a hug.

Does anyone else feel this way? Like if I talk to my friends or my mother they'll half listen and jump right in with advice or make me feel rotton for feeling a certain way. All I wanted was for someone to listen to me! To try and understand me.

hm, i hear ya. i'm probably guilty of throwing out advice myself. but in their defense, it shows they care.

listening is a hard thing to do - to really listen. i HATE more than anything in the world when i'm talking and someone interrupts me and starts talking about something else - it's like they don't care to hear what i have to say :evil:

sorry - tangent. but i understand what you're saying. sometimes you just gotta vent!!

The only person i can talk to (aside from my therapsit) is my dad and he does just that - with the 'advice' with his take on things - or worse, he turns things around and starts talking about himself. I just give up. I hate feeling the disappointment when it happens - that sinking feeling. You are right it would be nice just to be listened to for a change.

Well thats how people are, if someone came to you with a problem, you may just have the perfect sollution for them and cant wait to tell them..I guess I too would fit in that catagory but the only true person who will really listen is yourself, give yourself a little more credit on your accomplishments. And write in a private blog, and spill your guts out. Im sure it will help.

I have felt like that sometimes. My opinion is that most people do not have your best interests at heart when they are trying to "help" you. If they did they would listen closer and really try to relate. Instead most people use the opportunity to help people as an opportunity to make themselves feel better about themselves, e.g. smarter, wiser, even just more helpful... Most people are very insecure about themselves I think is one reason. I am insecure about social-related things but not about what I believe or anything like that.

What do you believe?

...

I think I can understand this. You just want somone to aknowledge and empathize rather than offering what they feel is their sage is advice. This makes sense. I do have to speak on behalf of most guys tho and say that we have this inherrent desire to fix things. We are constantly looking for solutions to things and perhaps forget sometimes that an open and understanding ear is more effective and beneficial than any personal viewpoint or "informed" suggestion.

that's exactly how I feel. I feel like I can't talk to any of my friends or family because everyone wants to butt in and tell me how I should feel, what I need to do and how easy it is to do it. It's way frustrating. My boyfriend listens and for the most part he does just that...he's at a loss for how to advise me so he doesn't even try but for the rest of the people in my life, well, they just think they have all the answers.

Your so damned right Yetisbabe, only people who dont know what it is your trying to have them listen too, dont speak and offer advice afterwards. And its best to not talk to people who dont understand where your coming from (thats just as effective as talking to the wall). But people who have been their, and have somewhat experienced what happened to you will always throw up advice if they overcame it. Why would that people just keep their mouth shut, why would you want them not to tell you what is effective and what is not. Worrying is not effective, taking action is.

In response to the orginal post, I'd love to be able to just hear you out and give you a hug when you felt you needed it. The only problem is that I'm not a mind-reader. I know it's frustrating when you're pouring your heart out to someone and they don't get it (or they just don't care).

I also know how frustrating it is when someone pours their heart out to me then they get pissed off at me when I don't respond the way they want me to. I'm human too, and I don't know what the hell you want if you don't give me some indication. I could sit there and listen and not say a word, but wouldn't that piss you off too?