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Old 07-08-2011  
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Default pocd or something worse :(

im 21 and had this on off for about 6 months can i just suddenly turn peadophile??

i have intense excitement but a mixture or dread at the thought how can this be could it be the anxiety and dread mixing ??

im constantly aroused but get bouts of enjoyment even when im not around or thinking of kids is this bad or because iv never experience sexual orgasm ever

why is it i get these feelings when i see children yet i dont fancy them when i see a cute guy i look at him but cant look at children faces and fancy them

most my sexual fantisies that i enjoy are of men ripping my clothes off yet i like them but then a horrible image of me doing the same to a child arouses me but my heart beats ten to the dozen and i get terrible dread and anxiety :S

could i potentially accept these feelings and actually become this monster as now my mind tells me children have no emotions but they must have is it the ocd trying to confuse me :S i havent been around children in a while not even my cousins too scared far to scared i will feel something 'real'

hmmm am i on the wrong site should i be on a site for peados who hate their disorder i dunno i woke up this morning wanting to have my own children for about an hour wanting to treat my children and make there lives amazing yet now i feel iv thought too much

i feel i dont deserve food, praise, enjoyment, a future and should be locked in my flat all day i dont deserve family, friends and also those who care and support me ....meh

also did research on chronic mastubation (to normal adult fantasies) i stopped doing this a couple days ago and apparently if you mastibate alot (which i did) you can get persistant genital arousal syndrome could this be the reason fo my constant arousal or the ocd could i be mixing both at the same time making the arousal seem more njoyable hmmmm i dunno

would really appreciate feedback

thank you
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Old 07-08-2011  
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Default Re: pocd or something worse :(

I'm really not very familiar with your problems, but I advice that you seek professional help. I don't think your feelings are particularly aberrant or shameful, people get aroused by a lot of things. If I understand you correctly you only get aroused when around children but you don't have any particular sexual feelings towards them?

Again, I'm no expert, but I think pedophiles are actually attracted to children and often fantasizes about being in a sexual relationship with them. Do you still get turned on by what would be perceived as normal things (like seeing a naked body or sexual act between two adults)?

Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby. -Ruth E. Renkel
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Old 07-08-2011  
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Default Re: pocd or something worse :(

no i would never ever want to partake in a sexual relationship with a child i other pocd sufferers says im just havin a groinal response as im so focused on seeing whether i am aroused that the anxiety causes arousal :/ its like today when i woke up i knew i werent a peadophile 100% and now my mind has convinced me i am again

last week i convinced myself i was a serial killer and keep trying to tell myself that i got through that so i should get through this but being a peadophile is one of my biggest fears as i was faced with one at ages 6-8 and the fear is soooo big its latched itself in my mind :( children should never be hurt and my morals go against that type of relationship with a child adults are for adults and theres in no way that its humanly possible to have a relationship like that with a child when they have no idea what it means

what happened to me has messed me up so my biggest fears is causing someone else my pain

its just my ocd just knows how to convince me and i must state that after two days of no self pleasuring which i must say is always made up of normal adult fantisies and never every children the actually arousal response has eased alot so hopefully it was due to the PGAD i could never actually attempt self pleasuring to children fantisies as it sickens me to the stomach and is wrong and unnatural
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Old 07-08-2011  
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Default Re: pocd or something worse :(

im currently recieving help and my doctor thinks its mainly anxiety and prescribed me citalopram and im on the waiting list for counselling also
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Old 07-08-2011  
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Default Re: pocd or something worse :(

oh and yes i do get turned on my adult sex on tv etc also when my boyfriend and i cuddle in bed i do feel aroused aswell
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Old 07-08-2011  
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Default Re: pocd or something worse :(

oh and yes i do get turned on by adult sex on tv etc also when my boyfriend and i cuddle in bed i do feel aroused aswell so dont know wether that spells out anything :/ ?
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Old 07-08-2011  
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Default Re: pocd or something worse :(

It's good to hear that you are receiving treatment. It might just be a physiological condition, in which case there is nothing shameful about it as it is not your fault. The human body are predispositioned to react in certain ways sexually to ensure the survival of our species. The fact that we practice sex merely for pleasure is mother natures way to reward us for trying to reproduce.

When we experience thoughts and fantasies that we might find shameful it is natural to get anxious and disturbed. I think most humans experience similar thoughts in their life. If I have any advice it would be not to stress about it, and try to think about other things. Maybe try to steer your thoughts over to other things that arouse you. I am sure your condition will pass and you can have a healthy and satisfying sex life. I wish you the best of luck and I am sorry I couldn't be of more help to you.

Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby. -Ruth E. Renkel
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Old 07-08-2011  
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Default Re: pocd or something worse :(

THank you very much i will always have trouble forgiving myself for what's happened but I'm going to battle on I would rather cut off my arms before a child could be harmed I would never do it it doesn't help when psychologist say that those who were abused tend to go on to be abusers :/ that just added wood to the fire of my doubts thank you again for your reply I will try and take your advice
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