pocd or something worse :(
im 21 and had this on off for about 6 months can i just suddenly turn peadophile??
i have intense excitement but a mixture or dread at the thought how can this be could it be the anxiety and dread mixing ??
im constantly aroused but get bouts of enjoyment even when im not around or thinking of kids is this bad or because iv never experience sexual orgasm ever
why is it i get these feelings when i see children yet i dont fancy them when i see a cute guy i look at him but cant look at children faces and fancy them
most my sexual fantisies that i enjoy are of men ripping my clothes off yet i like them but then a horrible image of me doing the same to a child arouses me but my heart beats ten to the dozen and i get terrible dread and anxiety :S
could i potentially accept these feelings and actually become this monster as now my mind tells me children have no emotions but they must have is it the ocd trying to confuse me :S i havent been around children in a while not even my cousins too scared far to scared i will feel something 'real'
hmmm am i on the wrong site should i be on a site for peados who hate their disorder i dunno i woke up this morning wanting to have my own children for about an hour wanting to treat my children and make there lives amazing yet now i feel iv thought too much
i feel i dont deserve food, praise, enjoyment, a future and should be locked in my flat all day i dont deserve family, friends and also those who care and support me ....meh
also did research on chronic mastubation (to normal adult fantasies) i stopped doing this a couple days ago and apparently if you mastibate alot (which i did) you can get persistant genital arousal syndrome could this be the reason fo my constant arousal or the ocd could i be mixing both at the same time making the arousal seem more njoyable hmmmm i dunno
would really appreciate feedback