Possible shyness cure?

I didn't know what else to call the topic so this'll have to do.

Today, I've been coming up with reasons as to why I'm shy, in hopes of resolving the issue. I actually came up with enough to actually realize something - analyzing shyness is the fastest route to staying shy and being shy forever, or at least it seems. I just notice that the more I dwell upon the negativity I feel, consequently it equals feeling more negatively about my problem.

So what I've decided to do about all of this, is to just try to go the 'honest route'. I mean (and this could be true for your problem too, possibly), considering how bad I feel when I bottle myself up, I don't have a whole lot to lose in just letting my true self show. I think everyone has to grow up at some point, so here I am, 18 years old, hopefully ready to remove my mask I've been hiding behind.

And one more thing: the dose of reality. I know not everybody here wants to know this, but you're responsible for your own shyness, just as I am. It sucks to think about, but the more and more you point the finger at other people, the further and further you get from resolving this issue.

Thinking 'so and so' did 'this or that' to 'make us shy' is just absolute denial. Because in reality, I think every one of us should try our best to accept the fact(s) that:

1. Yes, our lives have probably been made shittier since becoming shy [or else you wouldn't be on this forum, reading this now]

2. Yes, we ARE to blame for the fact that we're shy

3. and finally, Yes. We can accept these facts in maturity and learn to become the people we want to be.


Somehow after reading this back, it definitely resonates with the way I feel, and gives me some sense of release. And I know what it's like to be painfully shy, believe me. I know I don't know a whole lot about this but from what I've read along with first hand experience, but shyness is striking me more and more as immaturity. Somehow accepting that fact has really helped my progress

Anyways, just thought I'd write it out for any other soul out there who feels the same way I do. And for everybody who's shy here: I salute you, soldier. march on

And above all - Good luck. Let me know what you think.

I agree with you quite a bit, and I think you're taking a really healthy attitude. At the same time, though, I've occasionally worked myself up with pep talks like this, and well, I'm still here. I hope you have better luck. Anxiety isn't a light switch that can just be turned off and on. If we start thinking there's some instant cure or that it can be overcome it by sheer strength of will, we're setting ourselves up for failure. Also, if we blame ourselves for everything all it's going to achieve is guilt and lower self-esteem. That doesn't mean blame other people! I'm saying that anxiety is a physiological response and a lifestyle that's been crafted over years. You don't have to blame yourself to maturely accept that not everything is within your control. But we can improve. For me, what's helped is to accept that this is part of who I am, that I have certain limitations, and then to analyze how I can challenge those limitations. I'm steadily improving on a lot of fronts with this approach, even though I'm still very isolated. I've beaten depression, can be a cashier, am not scared of clerks at stores, I'm participating in classes. Even my small talk (God, I hate small talk) is improving. Anyway, I really do like your attitude, but I want to make sure you don't feel guilty if everything doesn't happen all at once. Also, I don't think of shyness as immaturity so much as an overactive defense mechanism. Learning to lower our defenses is, I think, a long difficult process, and I don't think we should belittle that by thinking we're immature. We don't have social phobia because we're cowards; we're just people dealing with a difficult anxiety disorder, and I think that's more brave than immature.

i hate small talks too. what is the purpose of small talk.

rado31 said:

i hate small talks too. what is the purpose of small talk.

Click to expand...

Everyone does. Especially shy people. But believe it or not, it's probably the most important "talk" you'll have with anybody (besides the more-rare, long and engaging conversations) because it allows you to open up to somebody without getting yourself into a heated debate.

So what's more important here? Hearing somebody out or trying to prove you're right...? Think about that one.