Post your random thoughts/feelings etc - Page 1621

1BlackSheep · 06-27-2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by Invisibleman

Well I just got back from my prom and it was a disaster that leaves me absolutely speechless. I have so many wars with my anxiety and this time I suffered such a heavy defeat.

Before we even left I threw up because I was so scared to go. My parents drove me there and I was teary eyed as I begged them to let me stay in the car because I didnt want to go in,after 20 minutes of convincing me I finally left so my mom would stop. As I got closer to the door my body started to shake and my hand trembled as I opened the door. I looked in to see the masses of people and I turned completely pale I..I just couldnt handle the stres, it was too much for me. I tried to muster the courage but I just couldnt, I sat outside on a bench by myself the entire night and just stared into the blank sky.

I sat there for over 3 hours. When the night finally ended everybody herded outside all laughing and cheering and talked about the amazing time they just had. I tried to put on a fake look that says "hey im alright" but I just couldnt, I just had a teary eyed and painful expression. It didnt matter anyway because they all walked on by me and not a single soul, not even a few of my friends, noticed I was there. They all herded onto the bus to take them to the prom after party and once again I was left in solitude. One of the teachers who was supervising was finally leaving and I finally stood up expecting atleast a goodnight but received not a word as she kept on walking without a glance.

It was a complete waste of a night and 200 dollars on a suit. I feel like complete and total sh*t right now, im so angry at myself for being such a little pussy ass bitch. My confidence is so low right now and im teary eyed just writing this

I want to cry after reading this!

So sorry you had to endure that. Hope this is the end of a sad chapter in your life and a there will be a new one with better things to come!

Nathália · 06-27-2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by Invisibleman

Well I just got back from my prom and it was a disaster that leaves me absolutely speechless. I have so many wars with my anxiety and this time I suffered such a heavy defeat.

Before we even left I threw up because I was so scared to go. My parents drove me there and I was teary eyed as I begged them to let me stay in the car because I didnt want to go in,after 20 minutes of convincing me I finally left so my mom would stop. As I got closer to the door my body started to shake and my hand trembled as I opened the door. I looked in to see the masses of people and I turned completely pale I..I just couldnt handle the stres, it was too much for me. I tried to muster the courage but I just couldnt, I sat outside on a bench by myself the entire night and just stared into the blank sky.

I sat there for over 3 hours. When the night finally ended everybody herded outside all laughing and cheering and talked about the amazing time they just had. I tried to put on a fake look that says "hey im alright" but I just couldnt, I just had a teary eyed and painful expression. It didnt matter anyway because they all walked on by me and not a single soul, not even a few of my friends, noticed I was there. They all herded onto the bus to take them to the prom after party and once again I was left in solitude. One of the teachers who was supervising was finally leaving and I finally stood up expecting atleast a goodnight but received not a word as she kept on walking without a glance.

It was a complete waste of a night and 200 dollars on a suit. I feel like complete and total sh*t right now, im so angry at myself for being such a little pussy ass bitch. My confidence is so low right now and im teary eyed just writing this

I am very sorry you had to endure that situation invisible man. Just try to relax as much as you can. I understand because I've delt with situations like that with certian events. That's very unfortunate that you had to have a night like that

All you can do is get over with time. I know it affected your confidence and it does take a while to bounce back from such a blow, but you can over come it. I would have felt scared and shaky too. Awww

I am very sorry dear.

Nathália · 06-27-2012

^ I agree with you twiggle.

Think of it as the end of a phase. The anxiety I suffered in high school is much different than from what I suffer now because the environments are different. It's a new life for you out there, try to leave that one behind you.

MikeyC · 06-27-2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by Invisibleman

Well I just got back from my prom and it was a disaster that leaves me absolutely speechless. I have so many wars with my anxiety and this time I suffered such a heavy defeat.

Before we even left I threw up because I was so scared to go. My parents drove me there and I was teary eyed as I begged them to let me stay in the car because I didnt want to go in,after 20 minutes of convincing me I finally left so my mom would stop. As I got closer to the door my body started to shake and my hand trembled as I opened the door. I looked in to see the masses of people and I turned completely pale I..I just couldnt handle the stres, it was too much for me. I tried to muster the courage but I just couldnt, I sat outside on a bench by myself the entire night and just stared into the blank sky.

I sat there for over 3 hours. When the night finally ended everybody herded outside all laughing and cheering and talked about the amazing time they just had. I tried to put on a fake look that says "hey im alright" but I just couldnt, I just had a teary eyed and painful expression. It didnt matter anyway because they all walked on by me and not a single soul, not even a few of my friends, noticed I was there. They all herded onto the bus to take them to the prom after party and once again I was left in solitude. One of the teachers who was supervising was finally leaving and I finally stood up expecting atleast a goodnight but received not a word as she kept on walking without a glance.

It was a complete waste of a night and 200 dollars on a suit. I feel like complete and total sh*t right now, im so angry at myself for being such a little pussy ass bitch. My confidence is so low right now and im teary eyed just writing this

I'm so sorry that has happened. I don't even know what to say. I'm just so sorry.

Phoenixx · 06-27-2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by Invisibleman

Well I just got back from my prom and it was a disaster that leaves me absolutely speechless. I have so many wars with my anxiety and this time I suffered such a heavy defeat.

Before we even left I threw up because I was so scared to go. My parents drove me there and I was teary eyed as I begged them to let me stay in the car because I didnt want to go in,after 20 minutes of convincing me I finally left so my mom would stop. As I got closer to the door my body started to shake and my hand trembled as I opened the door. I looked in to see the masses of people and I turned completely pale I..I just couldnt handle the stres, it was too much for me. I tried to muster the courage but I just couldnt, I sat outside on a bench by myself the entire night and just stared into the blank sky.

I sat there for over 3 hours. When the night finally ended everybody herded outside all laughing and cheering and talked about the amazing time they just had. I tried to put on a fake look that says "hey im alright" but I just couldnt, I just had a teary eyed and painful expression. It didnt matter anyway because they all walked on by me and not a single soul, not even a few of my friends, noticed I was there. They all herded onto the bus to take them to the prom after party and once again I was left in solitude. One of the teachers who was supervising was finally leaving and I finally stood up expecting atleast a goodnight but received not a word as she kept on walking without a glance.

It was a complete waste of a night and 200 dollars on a suit. I feel like complete and total sh*t right now, im so angry at myself for being such a little pussy ass bitch. My confidence is so low right now and im teary eyed just writing this

^ That's so awful.

I'm so sorry.

Phoenixx · 06-27-2012

I love how whenever I need to call my step-aunt for something quick or for one little thing, it turns into a whole story from her.

"Hey, I need a ride because my brother decided to lie to me and ended up working today."
"Okay, well I need to finish reading my Bible passage. I'm behind! *half joking* So don't call up and wondering where I am. I'll be there in about 20 mins."
"No I won't. That's fine. See you in 20 mins. then."
"Oh, I finally got my check in the mail today. That makes me so happy!"
"Oh, that's good. Okay, well see you in --"
"Even though I have all these medical bills to pay off..."
*I stopped talking and just let her go. Then she randomly starts yelling in the background*
"Get down! Get get! Damn you! Oh this cat. I have to go. I'll get there when I get there. Bye!"

Yes, she's a bit nutty. And she's an old cat lady. I still like her though, she's pretty funny.

MikeyC · 06-27-2012

^ A long-talker. Ha, damn.

Quote:

Originally Posted by twiggle

I'm so sorry to hear about this

It sounds like it's just the right time for a new start for you... leave school in the past. I hope that whatever you do next in life makes you happier

Wow, this is an excellent way of looking at it. Great post.

MrSunday · 06-27-2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by Invisibleman

It was a complete waste of a night and 200 dollars on a suit. I feel like complete and total sh*t right now, im so angry at myself for being such a little pussy ass bitch. My confidence is so low right now and im teary eyed just writing this

Hi,

Don't worry, soon this will all be the past. It's good when you let it all out. Your not a pussy ass bitch. Society has a habit of wanting everyone to be the same and not accepting differences. Watch a funny video or do something fun.

AsTimeBurns · 06-27-2012

Just the two miserably failed social experiences today.

Firstly a department drink at lunch time, in which i said literally nothing.
Secondly a birthday dinner for someone at work...3 hours of sitting awkwardly in silence pretending to read the menu or looking at things in the distance while people all around me converse.

I don't know why I bother to pretend that one day i'll be better at this, it really is ****ing pointless. It's not as if I'm suddenly just going to know what to say or know how to make smalltalk and make people laugh. I may as well just give up and face facts, at least then I won't be so disappointed when I fail every time.

crazypants · 06-27-2012

I had my first appointment with my new therapist today. First time I've addressed my social anxiety in all my 42 years instead of pretending it wasn't happening. It was a great experience, and I think I'm really going to like her.

And here is what pisses me off about this:

The only reason I'm able to go to therapy right now is that I'm on free state run insurance because I'm unemployed and have no income. That means free service across the board = no copays, free meds, etc.

If I had a job, I'd be getting hundreds of dollars a month taken out of my paycheck just for the privilege of being able to pay another $20-50 co-pay for a lousy 12 therapy visits per year, or just a small flat discount off therapy visits, which I would have to pay upfront and be reimbursed for, or some other useless benefit.

I'm trying hard to get a job right now, but let's face it, when I get a job, my therapy will end because I won't be able to afford to continue. I would gladly pay a lot more in taxes if we could all have this kind of healthcare. It's so disheartening.

One of many reasons this country is wacked.