Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Gonna find a way to cure this loneliness
Yeah I'll find a way to cure the pain
If I said that you're my friend
And our love would never end
How long before I had your trust again...
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
No one's gonna bother me anymore
No one's gonna mess with my head no more
I can't understand what all the fightin's for
But it's so nice here down off the shore
I wish you could see this
'cause there's nothing to see
It's peaceful here and it's fine with me
Not like the world where I used to live
I never really wanted to live
 
I'm not doing xmas this year
So i'll have another beer, to get some cheer
I've got the music, and the lights
But this year i'm going without the "fights"
 
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But i kinda wish i could get into "the xmas spirit", but this year i can't, for some reason. I can't and i refuse to. I don't even want to watch anything even remotely xmasy on tv. Maybe i'm scared to be happy & joyous??? (i'm more like a xmas grinch)
 
I keep forgetting, that there AREN'T any answers "out there" for me. If there are any answers, they will only come from myself, nobody else. Nobody can help me, nobody can save me, and the only (slim at that) chance of "salvation" can come from myself. So i must keep trying, year in year out, decade in decade out ... and hope for some good luck, in order for my life to get better.
 
Demoing VR to people is the closet I ever get to feel to them. It's so brief, but at that moment we connect.

I so rarely get to share my interests and passions in a way that makes people understand. It makes the crushing loneliness creep away for a bit.
 

State_Of_Trance

Well-known member
Wondering if I should do the whole New Year's Resolutions thing. During down time at work, I decided to start a bullet list of things I dislike about myself, things I wish I were doing, etc. I had no trouble coming up with plenty of things to improve on and things to do that I've been putting off. So I definitely have plenty of potential resolutions.

On the other hand, I feel like maybe everything is impossible anyway. I mean, I'm finishing my first year living alone. It's also my first year after college and my first full year of having a job. And as I look back on the year, I see plenty of things I started sometime during the year and kind of failed at. Writing? Started some things, didn't finish many things. I always kind of hated and dreaded writing, so whenever a time would come up where I had decided to write some I'd really not enjoy it. Reading? I read a decent number of books this year, yeah. But I didn't truly enjoy many of them. I usually felt so glad to have them done with. Running? Ugh, that's didn't work out. Took me weeks to just buy shoes. I immediately realized that my legs are so weak I physically can't run for more than 45 seconds. I toned it down to just walking but even this was boring or frustrating most of the time.

On the other hand, I suppose trying and failing might be better than literally staring at a wall or something. It's just that I would really like to actually enjoy something, not just force myself to do it. It's hard to feel satisfied with just, "Yay! I did those things I wanted to do. I mean, sure, I hated doing them and they didn't make me happy at all. But I did them, so I guess that's supposed to make me feel happy?" I mean, I know people who do things they actually like. THAT'S what I'd like. I guess you just have to hope eventually you'll find something you like.
 
I suspect people have damaged me WAY more than i realise. They have probably damaged me beyond all repair. So, THANKS for that, people.

But then, i was probably screwed anyway, without anybody's help.
 
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Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
It's the second time one of my neighbour knock at my door when I'm playing music to tell me that I am NOT bothering them ever and that I can play whenever I want because they love to hear me play through the wall. Is it a polite way to tell me just the opposite?
 

S_Spartan

Well-known member
It's the second time one of my neighbour knock at my door when I'm playing music to tell me that I am NOT bothering them ever and that I can play whenever I want because they love to hear me play through the wall. Is it a polite way to tell me just the opposite?
Yes, it is
 

State_Of_Trance

Well-known member
I get nasty anxiety from reading responses to things I've posted online. I've been in this sort of discussion thing on Reddit and reading stuff in my inbox feels like going to work or something, like doing a thing that I have to do even though I'd rather not.
 
Day #1 of no booze.
Needing to be married or at least having a partner, is just all B*LLSH*T that media, tv, films, & society has continued to feed us for decades (& for 100's years before that).

Congrats, I hope you'll manage to hold out.

I couldn't agree more with it!
 

theoutsider

Well-known member
Oh man, I think it may be happening again! :kickingmyself:
I posted a few weeks ago about thinking I've finally found employment that I genuinely think I can see myself doing until I retire. Well, honestly, things have been going great but here's the problem and it's something that's happened more than once to me in the past. Shortly after I started, the people who I really felt good about working around have announced they are leaving to go elsewhere! This includes my new boss who I really felt good about working with. In the past, when this has happened, the people I really liked have left only to be replaced by first class j.erks. I'm hoping, hoping, HOPING this doesn't happen again. I feel like a part of one big joke. Like I'm Charlie Brown and these employers are Lucy pulling the football away just as I come running up to kick it. I'll just have to wait and hope for the best.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Hoping for more and wishing for less
When I didn’t care was when I did best
I’m desperate to run, I’m desperate to leave
If I lose it all, at least I’ll be free
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Day #1 of no booze.

Yer doing better than me, man. :thumbup: I've got 4 months without booze - which is uncommon where I'm from. :giggle:

Needing to be married or at least having a partner, is just all B*LLSH*T that media, tv, films, & society has continued to feed us for decades (& for 100's years before that).

Couldnae agree more, but how d'ye cope with that? Just asking, since ah get grief about this same thing from ma own family. :thumbdown:
 

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
Yer doing better than me, man. :thumbup: I've got 4 months without booze - which is uncommon where I'm from. :giggle:



Couldnae agree more, but how d'ye cope with that? Just asking, since ah get grief about this same thing from ma own family. :thumbdown:
Bull poop you say? In some ways and some ways no. Isn't it a basic human need to feel wanted or to feel like you belong? I do agree that the medias over glorification of it is downright sleazy business tactics though.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Bull poop you say? In some ways and some ways no. Isn't it a basic human need to feel wanted or to feel like you belong? I do agree that the medias over glorification of it is downright sleazy business tactics though.

Perhaps not outright, but to some degree, aye.
Getting grief from family for still being single ain't great either, mind you.
I suppose it is human need to feel want and feel like ya belong. I've felt that I'm, either, wanted or that I belonged myself. So... :idontknow:
 
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