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Old 10-27-2011  
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Default Re: Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

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Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
....I'm almost 22 years old....
maybe it's time to get your own place?

"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
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Old 10-27-2011  
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Originally Posted by Srijita52 View Post
I know how you feel, my mom is exactly same. She treats me like a baby all the time, she even tells my friends to take care of me when I'm out with them! Wtf its so embarassing. Tell your mom that you can handle it and you're a grown up now. I hope she understands.
It sucks doesn't it. She doesn't understand no matter how many times i tell her. She has this idea that the house might burn down or smth if she leaves me alone, that I'll get raped, that i won't cook for myself and just starve and so on..shes completely fvcking ridiculous, I can't even..

Happiness lies in your own hand
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Old 10-27-2011  
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maybe it's time to get your own place?
Easier said than done.

Happiness lies in your own hand
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Old 10-27-2011  
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Originally Posted by Tally_Lyra View Post
Hi guys I went by another name before..... you've seen me around
Are you someone who used to repeatedly hit Oryza sativa?
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Old 10-27-2011  
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Originally Posted by PipsMcClawski View Post
Sorry about yesterday. I'll figure something out.
Don't be sorry. You had to get it out and you did. Good for you, mate. *bro-hugs*

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Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
All her life shes been a stay at home mom and she obsessively sheltered me and my brother too much, which im pretty sure is one of the reasons I might have SA and such low confidence.
Yeah, I can relate here. Only in the last couple of years when my brother and I have been in out 20's has she decided to start working a little bit. Before now she's always been a stay-at-home mother and she sheltered us like you wouldn't believe. My brother seems to have escaped the confines but I didn't.

I hope your mother can trust you to stay at home and stuff. You need some independence every now and then, and it'll be good for your sanity and self-esteem.
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Old 10-27-2011  
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Default Re: Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

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You have no idea how many times I've tried to have this conversation with her. I had one just earlier and it ended with her yelling at me as always, calling me names, insulting me and telling me I don't know how to do sh!t, can't take care of myself, won't close the door, etc even though Ive NEVER in my life done any stupid things to give her reasons not to trust me. All her life shes been a stay at home mom and she obsessively sheltered me and my brother too much, which im pretty sure is one of the reasons I might have SA and such low confidence. When i would try to help around she would always tell me i cant do it, therefor, i just sort of gave up.

I think she likes to feel in control, to feel useful, and the only way for her to feel like that was to do everything for me and my brother and around the house and making us completely dependent on her. My brother is away now living with his gf, while im still here, im in college, dont have time for a job and im stuck. Im scared 10 years from now nothing will change and i'll still be stuck home with my controlling mother.
Then, I think it's time you take control by force. Show her that you can cook your own meals and, overall, survive on your own. If she's cooking, then help her; if she tells you to go away, then tell her no and that there's nothing she can say or do to make you do otherwise. You're might have to get really rough with this; if she calls you useless, then tell her that you're only a byproduct of her raising (of course this is really being cutthroat and should only be used as a last resort) or that she won't let you try to become useful. Be hard-headed and steamroll your way through this.

Humanity's great frailty... we prefer past happiness to future uncertainty.

When reaching for the future, we sometimes fall into the past. As we gaze upon events that cannot be changed, our hearts grow bitter with regret.
-"Lightning" Farron

In solitude, where we are least alone.
-Lord Byron
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Old 10-27-2011  
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Then, I think it's time you take control by force. Show her that you can cook your own meals and, overall, survive on your own. If she's cooking, then help her; if she tells you to go away, then tell her no and that there's nothing she can say or do to make you do otherwise. You're might have to get really rough with this; if she calls you useless, then tell her that you're only a byproduct of her raising (of course this is really being cutthroat and should only be used as a last resort) or that she won't let you try to become useful. Be hard-headed and steamroll your way through this.
You are right, thats exactly what I need to do. Even tho i tried a couple of times and when i happen to do something not right she'll tell me how useless and incapable I am, yet she ****s up things all the time, forget the iron on, the keys outside the door, loses things..
How am I suppose to have any self esteem when she keeps reminding me how dependent and unable and incapable I am.

Happiness lies in your own hand
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Old 10-27-2011  
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Yeah, I can relate here. Only in the last couple of years when my brother and I have been in out 20's has she decided to start working a little bit. Before now she's always been a stay-at-home mother and she sheltered us like you wouldn't believe. My brother seems to have escaped the confines but I didn't.

I hope your mother can trust you to stay at home and stuff. You need some independence every now and then, and it'll be good for your sanity and self-esteem.
Is it just me or it seems like many people who are socially anxious have parents like that? that says a lot.

Happiness lies in your own hand
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Old 10-27-2011  
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Is it just me or it seems like many people who are socially anxious have parents like that? that says a lot.
By Jov I think your on to something. Highly sheltered kids happen to turn out to have more social anxieties. HMmmmm! interesting indeed!

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Old 10-27-2011  
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Default Re: Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

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Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
Easier said than done.
i know - just something to consider as an alternative to what you are currently experiencing

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Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
Is it just me or it seems like many people who are socially anxious have parents like that? that says a lot.
i think this is true

i know it was for me

i don't think i knew it at the time, though (when i was 18)

but i left as soon as i could, because i could feel that there was more for me out there on my own than living in the shadow of my family

"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
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