My story

BornAgain · Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 6:55 am Post subject: My story

Before this happened to me, i never wouldve even guessed that it was possible that anyone could feel the way I and many other people do. When I didnt have SA, I used to hang out with friends, meet new people without a problem, chat and flirt with girls, and have a good time with my family. I'm only 17, and because of SA, I had to drop out of my senior year of high school.

This problem pretty much started around the beginning of this summer. I have a history of being a daily pot smoker (although now it just makes my SA 1,000 times worse), I've done mushrooms about 3 times, and tried ecstascy about 10 times in a 1 month period.

I blame this disorder due to my experimenting with ecstacy, even though most or all of my freinds/peers did way more than I did, but I guess my brain is just more sensitive to it than to most people.

I know people have been suffering SA for much longer than I, jeesh Im probably the one who has had it for the least amount of time, but for me its enough to make me want to *****. It's just that Im so different. I used to be confident and what i would consider "normal", but now my life is a "bad trip".

The main problem I have is looking people in the eye when they're talking to me, or when I'm talking to them, or even worse, when nobody is saying anything. I just get this really awkward feeling, it almost hurts my head, like that feeling i used to get when I was "normal" when I;m walking down the sidewalk and I quickly glance at someone who walks right by me.

I remember after I first noticed this "eye contact" thing, when I tried ecstacy, it went completely away, and I was myself (well almost, someone on E isnt exactly "normal"). Same thing happened to me when I tried cocaine. Both are considered SSRI's, and both make this horrible condition go away.

I am now done with drugs, except for alcohol and the rare cigarette, mainly because alcohol relieves some of my symptoms, and cigarettes are just a way to relieve stress.

I am currently on Sertraline (Zoloft) and have been since the 29th of November, and I haven't "felt" any difference. I am also perscribed Lorazepam for anxiety, and that only helps a little, plus its addicting. I hope, since Zoloft is an SSRI like Cocaine and ecstacy, it will solve this eye contact problem, but my hope is diminishing by the day.

I know Im just rambling on and probably some of this stuff isnt very coherent and doesnt make much sense, but right now i feel hopeless, and I am just typing out of my heart/mind. I want to be cured, I want to have fun with my family, and I want my best friend back. My biggest concern/question right now is about the zoloft. When will it kick in? How will I know? What will it feel like? Who else has tried zoloft for depression and SA?

Thank you for reading on, and I hope somone can give me some hope.

sabbath92001 · Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 3:36 pm Post subject: Re: My story