Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 9:04 pm Post subject: Trouble wtih my parents
Oh, help me now, please.
Recently I've been feeling lot of separation from reality (I guess this weird feelings could be classified as depersonalization, here's a link for everyone who hasn't heard about it yet: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization). It's always hard for me to grasp complicated situations when I have this depersonalizated-derealizated period. It's just so hard to describe. I feel like I cannot really... realize... that this is me, this is my body, this is my voice, this is the space I exist in and the moment I live and these are things that are happening (should I see a doctor about it?).
Today on my way home I experienced pretty weird moments of extreme depersonalization and I felt really very confused and a little scared-upset-anything when I got home (I am 16 and live with my parents and brother).
My family has always been quite complicated (my parents married when they were both 18 because mama was pregnant with me). There has always been a lot of arguments, misunderstandment and destruction. I often used to be very hurt, sad, felt unworthy and ungood when I was a kiddo, but now I can deal with it better and see that my parents are simply still kids, just as troubled and vulnerable as I was.
And when I came home today, mum (my dear forever-teenage mum), evidently upset and confused, told me and my brother something she was probably preparing for several days. She told us that she something bad to tell us. She said it was really bad (at that point I, desperately tryin' to wake up to reality, was sure someone from our family diedor something). I, feeling somehow numb, encouraged mum to tell us. So she did. She told us our dad was cheating her with his colegue (we all know her) and that she was planning to move out as sonn as possible.
Well, that was too much of a shock for me to grasp (I had a problem to realize I was alive, for god's sake! how was I supposed to realize - and react to - that?). And also too much of a complicated situation for my mother to make it healthy and not traumatising for her kids (I am talking especially about my younger brother).
So now, I am sitting here, and I just don't really know what to do. What to feel, how to react. I am muchly confused I am thankful for the opportunity to share this story (even writing it is a huge help for me) and I'd be thankful for all your responses.
Hey Tryin. I know what you're talking about with the depersonalization thing. It's most definately a defense mechanism. I've had mental illness for most of my life, and I remember this feeling very well from childhood. As I got older I experienced it less frequently, but it is a strange feeling, a difficult one to describe. I used to ask my mom, "Am I real? This feels like I'm dreaming. Mom am I here, really here?" And of course she didn't get it. I didn't either, but I couldn't find a way to explain myself. The sense of non reality is your mind dissociating itself from a painful situation. I wasn't abused or anything like that, there were just too many conflicts happening inside me.
As for the trouble with your parents I think this is a perfectly natural response for a sensitive person. Remember that your reaction can never be "wrong" no one can tell you how to feel, and if you feel nothing, give yourself time and understanding. Be gentle with yourself, and try to get the feelings out whether it's by talking, writing whatever. Don't lose hope, Tryin. I can tell by you're user name that you're probably a persistent individual. Keep Tryin.
I am okay. Really I am and so is my brother. Yet our parents are not. They both look like they didn't really know what should they do.
I can see it now. They are children. Really they are. And (although I am not a child anymore) I don't know how to help them.
Feel so sorry. Wish they finally both got the hold of their lifes. Come on, people, time to grow up. Decide what to do with your life, for God's sake. Why do they just sit here? And what can I do?
That is the worst possible moment to tell someone something like that, ever.
I feel so bad. I hope he burns for what he did.
Did he do it once out of intoxication and regretted it, or did it intentionally multiple times?
Well anyways, go for the optimistic approach, that is what i did for a brief few days two years ago when i believed they were getting divorced.
It's a whole new life.
And a whole new chance to reinvent yourself.
I mean, just because your mother and father are not together anymore, doesn't mean that you won't be with them. It was the right thing to do for them, and you can still see the parent you will not be living with every few weeks. =]
Roxy, your responses meant a lot to me. Emmdee, your words are both nice and wise. Yeah, I hope it's the right thing to do for my parents. It's their life. I'm a big girl. I'll be just fine.
Joined: Oct 17, 2006 Posts: 204 Location: Massachusetts
Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:16 pm Post subject:
Hi Tryin, I hope you're feeling better lately. It's hard when you feel like the one solid thing in your life has let you down. Our families sound quite alike - we had a dramatic moment like this too where my father cheated on my mother. It felt terrible at the time, but once we had everything out in the open there was actually a lot less tension all round. Just remember that you'll still always have stable relationships with all your family members, this won't destroy anything.
Like Roxy said, your posts are great and we need you around to keep everyone else going.
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