Questioning reality/life etc

marT · Posted: Sun Jan 16, 2005 8:03 am Post subject: Questioning reality/life etc

As part of my anxiety that I developed the other week I am now starting to sort of question if I'm awake/alive and all that which in turn makes me feel very wierd and spaced out. I can still function normally when I set my mind to it but i'm always sort of thinking about it as i'm doing tasks around the place.

I know we all question these things from time to time on the odd occasion but I seem to be doing in constantly, its scary and making me feel wierd. for instance i'll be sitting watching TV and i'll think "i'm really just a mind floating around inside a body" and then i feel like im just this thing staring at the TV with arms and legs attached. I'm scared that i'm loosing my sense of self or going into a state of permanent depersonalisation (is that possible?).

has anyone else had problems with this? what can I do?!?

I know I just need to stop thinking about it but its bloody hard!

marT · Posted: Sun Jan 16, 2005 11:56 pm Post subject:

interesting, but it scares me Sad

I just want to feel normal again you know?

dan246 · Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 2:19 am Post subject:

It sounds to me a lot like disassociation or depersonalization. When I had my first panic attack the week that followed was hell. I felt so weird and kept having out-of-body type sensations. I kept asking myself "is this real?" It got to the point where I thought I was losing my mind. Before I could relate that feeling to anxiety I thought it was some type of psychosis setting in. When I went to see a specialist, he told me it was very common. The hyperventilation associated with anxiety causes some weird things to happen in your body. Also, hyperventilation isn’t just rapid breathing. It takes the form of deeper breathes, sighs and yawning. Don't quote me on this because my memory is a little shaky. From what I remember though, your body compensates for the excess oxygen you're taking in. It actually causes less of the oxygen to be "absorbed" by your blood and get carried to the brain. I think it's called hemoglobin or something like that. So in return, your brain is getting less oxygen than usual, causing you to feel light headed and spacey. I personally felt like I was looking out through my eyes from further behind, inside of my head. It's really hard to explain. The doctor said that people have also described it as looking through a fog. The fact is, this feeling cannot hurt you. It isn’t doing any damage to your body and besides being a nuisance it’s completely harmless. As your anxiety settles down a little bit and/or your body gets used to it you should feel better again. With me this feeling persisted for quite a while but after I came to accept it and eventually ignore it I felt normal again.

Guest · Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 2:28 am Post subject:

To call this a positive, spiritual realization would probably be a mistake. You just need to be grounded and I recomend some meditations/relaxation exercises that involve getting more intuned with the body and physical self. It is true that there is a soul and the eastern philosophy encourages us to eventually directly realize it, but it is also encouraged that we integrate the mind and body first before any further advanced practice.

marT · Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 2:54 am Post subject:

I think dan246 and guest have summed it up pretty well for my situation. I dont actually beleive in what i am thinking, that i am not real and all that stuff, its just that i'm constantly thinking about it, its in the back of my mind. But because I am thinking about it, it brings on a sense of anxiety which can make the feeling worse as dan246 put it. I know if I stop thinking about it, I wont have the anxiety and everything, the hardest thing is to stop thinking about it, because even first thing when I wake up i think "oh god, how bad will I be today and I look around the room thinking is this real?" That kind of sets the trend for the rest of the day, despite my attempts to forget about it.

I beleive talking about these kind of things (life etc) with friends a lot before my anxiety must have embedded itself into my head. I'm a very sensitive person it seems.

Guest · Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 2:57 am Post subject:

I aggree w/ dani... your symptoms are common among people who have panic attacks and i think dani gives good advice in that it is normal and won't kill you... the rest of dani's advice is good also.

Good PRACTICAL, down to earth, real advice.

marT · Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 5:05 am Post subject:

yeah thanks guys, appreciate the help. Just need to get my mind off it! Evil or Very Mad

EDIT: I started taking St Johns Wort and Vitamin B suppliments yesterday as they were quite highly recommended by my sister who is a pharmisist, I hope they make me a little more positive. I have noticed they seem to physically calm me down already but I don't know if its the vitamin b or the St Johns Wort or both.

sticks · Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 1:03 am Post subject:

Hi, you replied to my post 'trying' last week, I'd just like to tell you about some really positive stuff thats happened this week. I've been battling with anxiety for years, and as you know, one of the major parts is this 'spaced out' feeling or 'depersonalisation'. I've had therapy, hypnosis, taken betablockers, prozac, ssri antidepressants, been to the doctors in tears countless times. None of this worked, it's all been a complete waste of time because last week I discovered meditation. I went to a meditation class in my town, and at the end of it I knew I'd found the answer. The answer comes from inside of you. You have to remember that there is nothing physically wrong with you...you dont have brain damage, and you are not some kind of weirdo. All thats happening is your body is reacting to signals from your brain, and creating uncomfortable sensations. THATS ALL! So if you could somehow take control of this process and steer it in the direction that you want it to go in, then you have the result you want...a calm, collected, peaceful state of mind. And how do you control your mind? Through meditation. Its as simple as that. I'm sure I've got a long way to go, but just knowing that I'm now on the right track is an unbelieveable feeling, I feel like I've been let out of a dark prison cell which Ive been in for the last 10 years. I hope this has been helpful to you, best wishes, sticks

Guest · Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 1:12 am Post subject:

meditation helps me SOME.

marT · Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 7:20 am Post subject:

the problem with me though is not the depersonalisaion associated with panic attacks. its the fact that im constantly thinking "what if i'm not awake right now" or "what am I really?" or "what if all of this is all my imagination" and stuff like that. It completely messes with my head and really tires me out, i'm scared that im going to think about it so much im going to beleive it and never return to normal, or that im going to go insane. There is nothing physical like with depersonalisation that I feel, its like all in my head and thats my anxiety.