Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:24 am Post subject: Shyness and Eating Disorders
Has anyone else had their shyness become a cause of an eating disorder? Now that their eating disorder gone, is the shyness even more hurtful and painful?
I had anorexia/bulimia for so long now that the negative way I looked at food and body image was habitual. But even so, many time I did binge or starve unconsciously because I fetl unconfident, or my body betrayed me in front of ppl (I say stupid things), or I was unable to smile because of nerves, or I was unable to make friends even though everybody else did it easily. All these things made me directly turn to food and how ugly and fat I look.
Now that I am starting to recover from my ED, all these things (the causes) only make my shyness stronger. Because before, I could say that I feel ugly, therefore of course no one will be friends with me, or I feel sick because of my purging, therefore there is an excuse not to go out. But now I am starting to realise that I can go out, and I am not as ugly as I think, but I am still unable to make friends and I am still not confident. And that makes me hate myself MORE not less.
Now I really feel shit about myself, because I have no excuses. And although I desperately wanted to give up my ED now it has left me vulnerable and pathetic.
Anyone else had this experience? What the hell do you do? How do you make yourself likable? I haven't had friends in such a long time Idon't know how to go about it, and no one approaches me either! I'm a fucking loser
Hi Dev,
I am same like you, along with my shyness having ED. I was shy from the very beginning, before my ED started. I can't tell you if the shyness and social phobia dissapears after you beat the ED- I am still on the way to recovery, trying and slipping and trying again. But one sure thing I've noticed is that my social phobia definitely feeds my ED. More anxiety means stronger desire to binge and purge because this way I make myself numb.
Same like you, when I feel unconfident or my body betrays me (I like this expression!) in front of others I, same like you, turn to food.
I used to think I am a loner because I am fat (when in reality I am not fat), ugly and behave weirdly (because I have the ED). ED gave me reasonable explanation of why I don't have friends and why I am shy and unconfident. It still is my greatest excuse of why I avoid socializing. Take away my ED from me and I will have to face a bigger evil- my social phobia and shyness. Me, same as you, will be left with no excuses. Which means I will finally have to do something about myself, I will have to start talking to people and start beating my SP. Otherwise no matter where I go I will feel a loner, a misfit.
It is really hard but I am trying to pay more attention to people I work with (cause they are my potential friends). Earlier when someone would come near me I would feel threatened and concentrated on myself- do I look ok at this particular moment, what they think about me at this moment etc. All the unproductive thoughts. This week I have tried to be little bit different. I switched these thoughts off and tried to concentrate on others, e.g. would ask how was their weekend and would make a little conversation out of it. Or would comment on the new top somebody is wearing. People like these kind of comments.
I don't think I am the Most Likeable at my work. My ED still tells me I have to be, otherwise I am a failure. But I start realizing and feeling that it does not really matter. People are different. Some are extroverts, some are introverts. I am the latest and having in mind my SP and ED issues I will probably never be a social butterfly. What matters I think is that I am benevolent and approachable and I am trying to show that to other people.
I can totally relate to both of you.
I've ALWAYS been shy and concentrating in my ED and not in socializing sounded like the perfect excuse for not being able to have a "normal" life. I'd blame my shyness to my ED but now that my ED is partially gone I'm being faced to tons of social situations that I didn't know before. It's hard as hell but I'm getting used to meeting new people little by little and the more people I meet the more confident I feel. I don't think it's about being the life of the party or to be unable to stay silent. I think it's about daring to encounter social events and to learn to be around strangers to make presence at least with a smile. Then you'll eventually start talking more and more with the time
Joined: Mar 25, 2008 Posts: 21 Location: Ohio, USA
Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:58 pm Post subject:
I guess I have a type of eating disorder--though I don't know what it is. I can't eat in front of ppl because I am worried they will think I am a pig...although everyone tells me I am skinny and pretty or whatever, I pretty much am convinced I am not and NO ONE is going to convince me otherwise. So I feel like if I eat in front of ppl they will know why I look the way I do. So I eat secretly. It's really lonely because that means I don't go to restaurants with friends. And I starve when I hang out! GRR!!!
I have control of my eating now but I have to make a conscious effort to eat properly if I'm feeling bad. I still find eating in front of people difficult but I do it. If I'm sat at a big family dinner or something I'm always the last one to finish. I feel shaky and nervous if anyone is watching me. Drinking too, if anyone offers me a drink I usually say no thanks because I'm shakyholding the cup and feel stupid.
I don't have a eating disorder, but I do starve myself sometimes and sometimes I binge too much. And I am really afraid of fattening, and that's why I weight myself like 10 times a day. And I can't eat in public, restaurants etc.
_________________ Shyness is nice and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to
(The Smiths-Ask)
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