Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 9:11 pm Post subject: my LIFE is crap
Well the subject of this message sums it up perfectly
I work in a high stress filled job, when i get home i am dead tired, i am depressed very badly, i live on my own, i have no friends or family nearby, nor can i talk to my family about my issues, because they have problems of their own.
I hate socal situations, i hate the whole idea of going out in social environments, because i have always been left out and insulted when i was in groups of people. I anm 22 years old, and haven't so much as held hands with a girl little lone been in a relationship with one.
I can't afford going to college, i am way beyond hope of ever enjoying life again. I just feel that i need to die... except for my family. that is the only thing that is keeping me alive.
Joined: Mar 13, 2004 Posts: 44 Location: United States of America
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 7:49 am Post subject:
Yeah social phobia f*ing sucks. It seeming to be a common thing for us to never have been a relationship. I also notice people seem to talk about that a lot because that's one of the most painful things. I wish I could say that a girl out their loves me, but I'm wrong and I'd be wrong if I said I have been in love.
The only thing I seem to be able to do to fight off SP is to suffer with it for a while then one day out of anger do something drastic to break free. That's how I got my first job, that's how I started hanging out with people outside of school, that's gonna be how I go to college (if I ever do). Sometimes you need to get angry and shut off your brain with a goal in mind like going to a party that ordinarily you would avoid. It's incredibly hard to do, but just forcing yourself in scary situations can be very theraputic. I wish I had that drive to push forward more often who knows I could be a millionaire if I always had that drive that I for the most part never have. Is it just me or does anyone else get all these ideas like I'm going to do this and this and this and I'm going to fix all this sh** while your up late at night? I always do that and when I wake up all that energy and frustration and desire for change just gets wiped away.
Joined: Feb 22, 2004 Posts: 83 Location: Australia
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 12:48 pm Post subject:
Crashmodem, don't give up so easily, life will and can get better, it all depends on how much you really want to overcome your social anxiety. It took me 23 years to come crashing down and ended up in a crumpled heap, all I wanted was to die but that feel that only selfish people commit suicide, your pain and suffering may be over but look what it does to the people you leave behind, it destroys them, I have seen it first hand.
Like flax said give social situations a go (a big challenge for me as well), my excuse used to always be I'm not going there, I don't know them, they don't want me there, I don't know what to say and feel like a loser but that is mainly low self esteem on your part, how do you know what the other people are thinking unless they come out and say something, if they do at least you know what they are thinking.
I used to also work in a stressful job, I live in isolation, have got no friends, my closet family member is over 3000 kms away so I can't really talk to them as well, what I found useful was writting in a diary, I used to write about everything, the way I was feeling you name it, it used to help but it is not the same as having someone to talk to. I came close a couple of times to ringing up lifeline just to talk to someone but I was even too shy too do that.
Don't worry too much about not having a girlfriend. The day will come when you will meet someone. I am several years older (wont say my age), I'm a female and have a similar problem, have never been out on a date with a male. Someone asked me out once and boy was I nervous, I run a mile, to this day I regret it as I often wondered what would have happened then the negative thinking kicked in and I put myself down they wouldn't want to know me as I am too quiet and nervous around people. The only way you are going to meet people is if you get out of your flat, you need to break out of your comfort zone, find some interests and learn to like yourself abit more. You can't expect people to like you if you don't like yourself. You need to treat yourself like you would treat a friend. Take little small steps and be proud of your achievements even if they are only small, sooner or later it will make you determined to take bigger steps.
i am through trying.. i have tried, and failed at every little thing that i have tried. How do you think it feels when you have tried little steps and you even failed the little steps, like getting out of the house to go to a friends place, or going up to talk to a girl, or trying something different. I don't think so.. I am through trying.. You think its easy to try new stuff, F*** that,
Joined: Mar 03, 2004 Posts: 267 Location: United States of America
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 6:14 am Post subject:
Crashmodem,
You certainly sound very frustrated. I understand that. I had social phobia since I was 9 years old. In grade school and high school, my fellow students did not consider me a 'nerd.' I was considered a 'super' nerd, a more higher evolved species. I was picked on by jocks, hated by the socialites, and isolated from the other nerds (I made them look really bad!) I tried to hang out with intellectual but they assessed my intellectual capacity and found me unworthy of their company.
Most of the time, I stayed by myself. I had no real friends. I remember hating myself each day. I remember forcing myself to parties that I did not have fun, getting rejected by all sorts of girls and being ridiculed as a "silent-psycho-weird-why-doesn't-this-guy-socialize-with-other-people" kind of person. I was painful and it was lonely. It got even worse when I got to my 20's. I felt I had nothing.
chrash, i know how you feel, but its good to know that you have job. I cant even contemplate getting a job, I cant leave my house, I have been indoors for 2 years. literally.
Joined: Mar 08, 2004 Posts: 2 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:28 pm Post subject:
come on people have faith !! i got to the stage when i could not leave the house , cos soon as you step out its like all these devils are at ya ! but i just thoght sod it one day im better than this and whats the worst that will happen !! just set yourself targets ! step by step no matter how small , start by even just openin the door and stand there for a bit and think about what s so scary? and relize its not ! they day by day do that little bit more, take a few steps! that every little bit it doing alot of help !! please never give up x
its not that simple, believe me i have tried alot, i developed agorophobia and became suicidal. I also suffer from clinical depression since i was a kid so they dont help one an other. I have hallucinated aswell as a result of depression
just a few days ago i attended a seminar i payed shit loads of money for, and i literally ran screaming and had a panic attack infront of 450 pairs of eyes. the same thing happened when i tried to attend college.
WAH WAH WAH, almost every single one of your posts is about how your life sucks. how about this, if it sucks change it. Or like in your other post end it all. I posted in your other one but dam nman. If it sucks that much and hasnt improved since just get it over with. You say you dont want to try antyhing, yet you keep asking for advice. ok heres mine
Take a gun with one bullet.
Put the gun to the tmeple of your head
Pull the trigger
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