This is what happened to me once

joshueg · Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 9:51 am Post subject: This is what happened to me once

Well, i think the time has come for me to tell what happened to me once, when i was just 7 years old.
I remember it was Christmas time. All my family was together.
I was in one of my mothers ' brothers' room, he was inside too.
By the time, i liked very much those planes on scale, model planes , and this "uncle" had a great collection of them.
I remember his words, he told me: If you do as i tell you, i promise to give you the toy that you choose.
I was just 7 years old, i didn' t think what i would give in exchange Crying or Very sad

Then i just remember he raped me, but the worst of all was that he managed to do it softly , so i didn' t feel any pain at all. After finishing, he gave me the plane i wanted and said to me that what we had just done was to be our secret, and i should never reveal it to anyone.
I did so.
Years passed by and i remember going to school and having always problems , i could not understand other children laughing at me, kidding me, even hitting me, and i could not understand why?, why was i so different, why boys played with other boys, girls with other girls and me always in the middle Crying or Very sad

Always alone, and whenever i decided to join someone, he (usually men) started laughing at me or he just rejected my friendship or hitted me.
Well, of course i have had friends too, i cannot say my life has been a whole hell, but i have suffered a lot after that experience. I don' t understand why that day i didn' t reveal my secret to anyone.
As i was growing older i thought it was my fault, i felt guilty and ashamed about my life, about what i had done (i didn' t do anything, but i always thought i was the perverted one) Crying or Very sad

I suppose that behaviour of mine contributed to my phobia and anxiety Crying or Very sad

The worst thing is that the person who raped me, has been very lucky in his life, he married a woman who won the lottery, and he now lives in America, has a good house, a good job and even a yacht.
Life is unfair.
Thanks God he is not living here.
I thought i had forgiven him but i haven't.
That' s it Crying or Very sad

Sis · Newbie User Joined: May 04, 2007 Posts: 7

Dear Joshueg,

Thank you for being so honest about what happened. You are an inspiration to me, to write this reply post.

When i was 9 years old i got abused by a friend of my brother. He was living in our house and rented a room. It happened only once. I never told anybody until i was 16 (i am 29 now). All that time i felt so guilty about it, dirty. I remember when i was around 13 years, the bastard came to my house with my bro, to play a friendly poker game. When i saw him i was so in shock, i ran to my room and hide under the bed and start crying. When i finally decide to tell my mom about what he did, she was sad for me and mad at him, but then she also told my brother. My brother got so mad at me then, he said to me, because of you i will never take children of my own. Until this day i still don't understand what he meant by that. I didn't see my brother for years now. A few years ago, i found out that the bastard who abused me, had a baby daughter, which he also abused Crying or Very sad

and his wife left him.

I also got laughed at and also felt like i don't belong in this world. That i was different from other kids. Never had "real" friends. And i seemed to only draw bad people. People that treated me bad. In relationships it also went like that. I at some point even tried to take my own life, but couldn't. I knew deep inside that nobody is worth that. I just needed and wanted help. I knew and felt that something better is out there for me. I just have to make it happen myself.

Sweetest Joshueg, i think god, allah, or who/what ever is out there, has a plan for us. A lot of people in this world are ignorant for others people pain and sorrow. They are just empty shells. The man who did all this to you, cannot be truely happy. If somebody would give you right now alot of money, would you be happy (maybe for a while Wink

). Could you forget the bad things that happened? I think not. So i think he cannot forget the bad things he did.

I think you can only forgive him, if you are happy with your life. I also didn't forgive. But i know that i blame him for everything that goes wrong in my life. It is so hard to coop with.

Now i don't want to sound all knowing hehe. I just wish there was anything i could say, that would take your pain away, so i would feel myself maybe also a little less pain. Again thank you so much for telling your life story.
*hugs and kisses to a special person*

Sis · Newbie User Joined: May 04, 2007 Posts: 7

joshueg · Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 10:07 am Post subject:

Thanks very much to both, Roxy and Sis!!, i read your messages and i' m so sorry too for what happened to you too.
It is now easier for me to tell my story , because it is not the first time i tell it, but i remember the first time i told my brother what happened to me once and words didn' t come out of my mouth.
It was really hard.
A was feeling very ashamed for a something that i hadn ' t done.
thank u again!!! Wink