Joined: Jun 25, 2005 Posts: 410 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 2:46 am Post subject: are there any easy ways to stop avoiding things
I have been realizing just how much worse that my apd has gotten over the years.I've always been extremely shy and not really good with being social but was able to manage to not avoid to many things.But now i find myself avoiding more and more things.It seems that i just cant get around things and make any changes.The main thing that just makes me feel miserable is avoiding going out with friends to any form of anything that would involve having to talk or be around random people.I'm ok with just a few people in an environment that im comfortable with.The thing that really made me see how bad it was a few weeks ago a friend calling me from a bar saying there was a girl i went to school with wanting to talk to me.I made up an excuse why i couldn't go. But the reason i didn't go was cause just the thought of going up there made me panic and get nerves.I felt really shitty and disappointed and disgusted with myself.Then a week later same girl up there asking about me again and again made up an excuse why i couldn't go. I feel pathetic that i can't do something so fucking simple but for me it's hard.It makes me feel really pathetic being 23 and basically never having a date or even talking with a female.Other then talking with some girls at old jobs and even then they were really short and awkward and meaningless conversions.
Sorry for the long-ish post.I doubt anyone will even read all of my bitching
Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 6:41 pm Post subject: Re: are there any easy ways to stop avoiding things
abc1234 wrote:
I have been realizing just how much worse that my apd has gotten over the years.
It wasn't too long; I read your post.
I didn't date until I was older. It didn't start out as dating, either. I had participated in some things in a group and that seemed to make it OK to do something with a female as just a friend from the group, and then it became dating.
Notwithstanding what I just said about participating in a group, which I find hard, too, I am better with someone one-on-one than I am in a group. In a group I tend to say little or nothing and let others control what is said and done. You should not pass up these opportunities, though. As you get older, someone from school calling you up and trying to get you to come out and socialize may diminish or disappear. Try to see this as people telling you they like you; they think about you; they want to be around you. I recommend you accept the next invitation, but if you can't, still do something to follow up with one or more of the people with whom you would like to have some kind of friendly or romantic relationship.
You could tell the caller to give your phone or email information to the other person who asked about you. You could ask for the phone or email information of that other person and follow up yourself. Lots of people find they can be a bit more chatty and social with the phone or email relationship than in person. That's OK for starters. If you can get comfortable that way, you can always get together in person later.
Please don't pass up these opportunities, though. You will just have more regrets than you are expressing now. Good luck.
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