Positive Posts Only

scatmantom · Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 10:02 pm Post subject:

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blackhole · Newbie User Joined: Jul 31, 2006 Posts: 12

^^ amazing. i wish i'd taken up more opportunites at university.

JurajCroatia · Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:30 am Post subject:

My story is positive! I had that crap of social phobia a few years.There wasnt a good and bad days, every day was "bad" Constant fear of people, actually I dont think that that was a fear, I had a reaction on every situaison like I am affraid.I knew that nowone is "watching at me or judging me" I just couldnt help myself, Every time I react like I am in a nightmare. Now I am on Seroxat and klonopin and I opend a forum about SAD and OCD so please join my forum and discuss about your problems.(tell you the truth I am kinda bored to write only about that F***** state now when I dont suffer from SP anymore.I am mpore intrested in other stuff like music and some not so havy themes like SAD.

visit my page socialphobia-ocd.com and discuss about disturbances caused by SP.Or just go to a doctor that will prescribe you a seroxat and klonopin.That really works in my case!

cutekoala · Newbie User Joined: Nov 21, 2006 Posts: 6

O.K, Just wanted to post this somewhere in case it doesn't get accepted as a story:-

This is slightly rambly, but I really feel that this needs to be read, I hope that it makes some sense:-

O.K, I wan to start out by highlighting the fact that the terms which are used with this forum, such as ‘Social Anxiety Disorder’ etc. are labels used by psychiatrists as a means of helping themselves to describe a range of complex emotions and behavioural characteristics. As brutal as this sounds, I really believe that we place these labels on ourselves because its almost easier to submit yourself to one of these definitions than to really examine what you’re feeling.

I admit, when at 15 I started to feel isolated and my friends seemed to be slipping away, I broke down crying reading all these symptoms for ‘Social Anxiety Disorder’ and ‘Avoidant Disorder’ etc. I found on the Internet because I felt almost as if what I felt ‘made sense’. But suddenly, I stopped seeing myself as a real person and became someone with this ‘Disorder’ which I deluded myself that I couldn’t escape, and the more I read about it, the more I resigned myself to this ‘disease’ believing almost that my life was ‘over’ because of it.

Its taken me almost four years to actually realise that to be honest, this ‘Social Anxiety’ term basically meant nothing, because the truth was that there is and was no medical term to define what I was feeling: same with everyone else here. We’ve all had some awful experiences which have harmed our confidence and self esteem, and hence have led us to feel that we cannot interact with people. But everyone on this forum is completely different, and a medical term can’t be used to describe or define the behaviour of so many complex and different individuals.

I’ve heard people in this forum talk about getting a ‘cure’ and becoming ‘normal’, and there lies one of the many risks of adopting these definitions, because there is no-one on this forum who is not normal; not to be patronising but I’ve seen that you’re all compassionate, and sensitive and you care about people. Just because we see, feel or respond to things differently from others, this does not make us ‘abnormal’, or whatever. This issue of ‘Social Anxiety’ or any of the other terms used is really a symptom of a fundamental problem with low SELF ESTEEM, which has led to this belief that you cannot interact, and its this issue of self esteem and not the idea of ‘Social Phobia’ which should therefore be focused on.

If you look around, you’ll notice that the people who perhaps you admire, because of their social skills aren’t necessarily ‘gifted’ with these fantastic skills of communication that you don’t have, but they have a confidence which comes from basically liking themselves for who they are, and that’s why its easy for them talk, even about absolute nonsense, very comfortably. They may not always ‘say the right thing’ or ‘perform’ well in every situation, and they probably suck at a number of things, but they recover and accept these flaws and still like who they are.

I think so much time is spent fixating about this idea of some ‘disorder’ that you can start to consume yourself with worry about it and lose perspective. But the real problem is not that anyone here is unable to have a conversation or to do it well, its that somewhere along the lines, something has happened which has affected your perceptions of yourself to the extent that you feel that you cannot do it, and this is basically again a product if low confidence.

If you seriously want to overcome this, you need to talk to someone about it and regain some perspective on your situation; as terrifying as it may be, you will not regret it. First thing this person will probably tell you is to throw the label of ‘Social Phobia’ out of the window and really start to look at YOURSELF. What do you think of yourself? Why do you feel that way? When you start really answering these questions and rebuilding your self esteem you’ll realise that the concept of ‘Social Phobia’ is exactly that, it’s a concept which honestly doesn’t apply to a three dimensional person.

In conclusion… Probably like most people here (but not to generalise), I think in my own way, I don’t like following crowds because frankly, a lot of the time I’m more comfortable alone! I’m an introvert, I’m intelligent, and I may never ‘fit in’ because I don’t fit a set mould. That’s just the way I am: but it doesn’t mean I can’t have friends or have fun, I just don’t have to be the ‘life of the party’.

Anyway, I think it takes a lot of bravery to acknowledge that you’re different and not just accept, but actually like that. I’m not saying that (having been through counselling) I don’t have insecurities and that I’m suddenly ‘cured’, because the true solution for these problems is really knowing and liking yourself, and that’s a gradual process that doesn’t just happen by magic- But it will happen. There’s no quick-fix to low self esteem, which is the real issue that exists here, but the first step is to talk to someone about it that might help you understand the root of what you’re feeling.

Anyway, I hope that helped at least someone, sorry for the length of this ‘essay’ and I hope it wasn’t too rambly to follow! I blame too much time spent paying attention in English Lit when I should’ve been thinking about boys or makeup or summing =S!! LOL! (Jokes) xx

xx cutekoala

Mondo · Newbie User Joined: Jun 17, 2007 Posts: 14

louieann34 · Intermediate User Joined: Apr 17, 2007 Posts: 130

YankeeBob · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 113

i will call three people i know and talk to them.

have done one already.

thanks for this good post.

baffled · Newbie User Joined: Sep 09, 2007 Posts: 8 Location: UK

nice thread. i'm becoming aware of just how many negative reactions i make in my mind and try to see it as a choice each time i'm reflecting on something and choose to look at it in a positive light. been writing quite a lot, and came to some really positive conclusions about what i've managed to achieve despite SA and destructive self-medication over the years which sort of amounted to a pretty interesting life having done things like living abroad. when i tell people about that they often seem impressed/interested, so i'm trying to get in touch with the positivity of all these things myself. do you feel guilty about feeling good about yourselves? nightmare isn't it. enough is enough! moving forward little by little. i do a daily yoga practise aswell, 3 times a day actually just 5 minutes each practice. i've been doing that for a few months now, took me a while to get into it and, like everything, its a gradual process, but my breathing has improved considerably-much deeper and more even-which is great for relaxation in general.

Winter · Newbie User Joined: Apr 16, 2007 Posts: 41

I managed to do a 5-minute presentation today in tech and it actually went okay Very Happy

Even if it was just reading off a sheet i'm so pleased I was able to get through it without letting my nerves get the better of me as had usually happened in the past.

So i'm finally starting to get over my SA, without meds or going to docs or anything, what works for me is simply positive thinking Smile

DawnShade · Newbie User Joined: Oct 24, 2007 Posts: 6

After reading everyone's positive stories, I want to ..well not add a story so much as a general ..thing.

Up until I was in year 10, I had real bad problems with other people, but I made it into University (my dream) and suddenly I had to push myself because there was no friends or family to cover for me as they had their own lives. I've now been in University for two years, I'm really activity in class discussions and group talks, I had to ride the train/bus everyday I went to University until I recently got my license, I think the forced interaction helped me, I now go shopping on my own and go to University which I'm truly in love with. I can even talk to register operators on my own in stores without needing another person to go in between for me.

When I turned 18, I also had to get a job because my parents pressure, I work for a hardware store, very large, about 120 co workers, and 100s of people in and out the door everyday. My job has been on the registers and greeting people on the door, and my bosses have said they noticed a real change in my attitudes over the past 18months, I'm more open when talking with customers and teammates and I smile a lot more, which made me feel good inside. Like I was beating this big darkness that had hovered over me so long.

I never have seen a doctor, or taking meds, but Ive gone from breaking down in movie theaters and never going out with any friends..to a point I didn't have any anymore, never entering the school canteen because of crowds to living my own independent life.. Although its not all sunshine, I still have fear of people at work, I can't talk back to anyone in authority, or seem to make long-term friendships...but I feel like I'm getting there, and I'm doing it on my own.