Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 10:48 pm Post subject: Saturday night-go out & attempt to socialise or stay in
I have been invited out by my best mate tomorow,its great when its just us two or 3 but now my mates made a lot of new friends its always all of us meeting up and usualy involves drinking stupid amounts of drink followed by everyone standing round chatting dancin and me stood at the side not wanting to join in the banter for feeling sooooooooooo self contcious and feeling a failure... what would you do?
Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 4:09 am Post subject: Re: Saturday night-go out & attempt to socialise or stay
bird wrote:
usualy involves . . . me stood at the side not wanting to join in the banter for feeling sooooooooooo self conscious and feeling a failure...
Well, what I have done over the years is what you should not do. I either just keep standing there alone or I look for an opportunity to step away and then I just leave.
I don't know what you need to do to motivate yourself to leave your spot, but please try your hardest to do so. Your friends don't understand you standing at the side. It makes them feel like they have to keep coming over to you, even though they don't want to be over there on the side.
What if you took some dancing lessons? How about you pretend your an actor and when you go out with your mates go out in character -- make up a little backstory for yourself (someone more confident than you are usually) and resolve to stay in character for the rest of the evening. Without drinking to the "stupid" point, doesn't the alcohol loosen up your inhibitions some; most people say it does. Can you find someone else standing at the side that you can try to strike up a conversation with; have 3 topics on which you can say something worked out before you leave home (like a TV show you saw; a movie you read about; a band you'd like to see; something on the front page of the newspaper).
If the bar scene is too hard for you, then tell your friends "no" for that, but find something else your more comfortable with. Can you invite people over to play some game? Try to find something you can do with people. Maybe you need some alternative activities with a completely different group of people. Consider volunteer work. Those groups are vey accepting and won't make you feel like a failure at all.
Thanks Skog, well i have to drink to relax anyway and calm my nerves,when it was me my best mate we used to be on the stage dancing and yes even though it was all alcohol induced i felt on top of the world,confident,sexy and not at all self contcious....... i think that when your introduced to new people you feel you arnt good enough or that is how i see it & so i stand there feeling inadequate and shy.Last time i went out even copious amounts of alcohol didnt make me confident or want to join in.I am beginning to think its because i havent been out for a while like anything perseverance and familiarity make things a whole lot more comfortable...maybe i need to go out more...
I wouldnt invite people over,its all part of the social phobia thing i can just about bear to be invited over to a friends or family-to invite people over is just putting myself through torture when i don't need to.I also hate talking about myself and at work when people say 'oh did you see this' or try and tell you something funny?i cant do that as as soon as iopen my mouth i feel the heart go the red face etc... so i tend to say nowt and must appear to be a boring cow
Funny thing is when im in myconfort zones with people i know well family etc... im myself and people laugh at me and say i appear confident?crazzzyyy...
I am on a mission to conquer this as i dont want to go on this way...i am onthe list for some cbt therapy...keep you posted as to if it helps
Hi skog errr no i felt a bit rough& then i had an invite from an old flame (that i finished with) to pop over... for a cuppa (honest!) i was all up for seeing him and by the time i got home from mums i had talked myself out of it.I was ummin & ahhing & imagining the silences etc.. that i told him in the end i was havig a 'bad' day(he knows about my panic)He replied a very arh sounding text which rung true(about facing it or people wont hang around)so i proceeded to cry my heart out all night gripping m head wishin i could just stop Fucking thinking!!!!! hating myself.I ended up being told to get my arse over to my old trusted mate for a cocktail & a chat,cheered me up temporarily but come the morning after i felt depressed again. Since then i have stayed in & have been off work today & yesterday... unfortunalty the blues have gotten hold of me again due to this god damn phobia which everydayi thinkof how trivial it all is but cannot for the life of me get over it!! Thanks for asking anyhow...
How do you sufer from it?
Hi skog errr no i felt a bit rough & . . . ! Thanks for asking anyhow... How do you sufer from it?
My problem is with people at work. I get along with my family OK. I haven't had any friends since long ago in school. I started typing out an explanation, but it got too long, so I will paste it into an email to you, if I find that's possible on this forum.
Check your Inbox for Messages on this forum. I have pasted a long description there.
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