past bullying, still lives on....help needed

Diana · Newbie User Joined: Jul 10, 2007 Posts: 8

Ahh..I'm the same. Sort of, I've become a lot bolder.hahaa. Maybe you should find something or someone that makes you a lot stronger and confident. Something so effective that you can use the confidence most of the times. Yeah, moving away would be a good choice but you can't let those people control your life like that. They're no one to boss you around, not in real life , not in your head. And as for your familiar people, really try to be positive. A rethey nasty to you too? If not then I don't think they'd be talking to you(know you) if they didn't like you at all.

arjuna · Newbie User Joined: Dec 07, 2006 Posts: 55

What you are saying really sucks. Bullying can have a barbaric effect on you and you can take that into your adult life. If you ever what to talk about this on messenger send me a private message on this site and I'll add you on. I am living a similar situation to yours.

FallingPhoenix · Newbie User Joined: Mar 29, 2007 Posts: 24

..Heh I spend most of my time avoiding anything that reminds me of the past year as well... Don't know if this helps or not but I'd recommend "The Feeling Soul" by Mark Linden, "Teen Torment" by Patricia Evans and "Stalking the Soul: Emotional abuse and the erosion of identity" They have some pretty good insight into the mind of the bullies and how society tends to blame the victim... Rolling Eyes

real eye opener for me... best of luck on finding a new job (perhaps getting a new clean start somewhere else might not be such a bad idea) and hope you get through this

W1CKEDJO · Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:07 am Post subject: Yes

It's so hard, when you try desperately to forget, but then you see someone who reminds you of your past.

Like me, for instance, these Internet social sites, like Bebo or Facebook, etc. I keep seeing the profiles of people who used to make my life miserable, commenting my friends, etc. I want to forget the exist, but they're always in my face. I could just not use these sites... but I don't wanna change my priveleges because of them.

I think the only way that I will ever get over it, is if I go up to them, and tell them exactly what they have done to me. But I've never had that opportunity.

kon_san · Newbie User Joined: Aug 08, 2007 Posts: 4

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scissorhands · Newbie User Joined: Oct 05, 2007 Posts: 92

I know exactly what this is like, but trust me moving to another city won't change a thing. I did just that, after highschool I dropped my whole life in my small town and moved to a big city to escape it. Everything was fantastic for a while, but I am still haunted by the past all the time and have gone back to being very cautious of any social situations. I know the people who bullied me in my teens are not anywhere to be found here, but I see types of people who remind me of them, and just my peers in general I feel like I can judge and tell what type of people are capable of doing that type of bullying to someone and I don't want to give them a reason to put me through what I have already been through so I remain rather lonely and friendless.

joeljjison · Newbie User Joined: Mar 02, 2008 Posts: 27

"I still cant seem to forget what happened and come to terms with everything.....Cause of the bullying I experienced I still think twice before saying anything, feeling that I might end up making fun of myself and although I am much less shy now than I used to be but I still tend to avoid most social situations and simply stay away from people in general even though I dont want to. "

Can't really advise you there, sounds exactly like me. And i bet when people insult you, your either very defensive, or retreat into your shell. Its easy to think even your friends or against you because it seems more likely... then you feel bad for thinking it

"I cant seem to get my head straight...even seeing familiar ppl makes me recall bad experiences a bit too much... "

again, nothing useful here. its the same for me

"How should I tackle all this ? since I think less from my head im seriously looking to get a job in a different city in the future so I can get over all this..I know it sounds stupid but I just simply want my past to be completely erased and never come back again..."

You could do that. It may work. Though i know when i left my primary school, or elementary or whatever you want to call it, i didn't go to the local secondary/high specifically to avoid the bullies i'd been with... and then when i went to secondary school i got bullied almost right off the bat. i dont think that will happen to you, but wherever you go, it will plague you in social situations to some degree... the wounds will age with time.. but its also a part of you.. we've all learnt some interesting things..

its a chance to make new friends anyway. contrary to what alot of people think, i dont think theres anything wrong with running away, so long as you've changed somehow before you run away. and yes its definitely running away. but definitely nothing is wrong with that

makemehappy · Newbie User Joined: Mar 14, 2008 Posts: 1

kon_san: you just wrote the story of my teenage life:) I know exactly what you are going through, if i see a person who used to bully me in town i walk the other direction and sometimes just leave and go home. I used to walk to and from school in tears, and then i decided to leave because i was getting so depressed.
I'm not very good at this sort of advice but, moving away from where all the bad memories are sounds like a really good idea. At least it will give you a chance to start over. I know it's easier said than done, but personally, when i'm away from places i associate with my past i feel like a brand new person. It takes some getting used to but it feels really good.

CPA23 · Newbie User Joined: Apr 21, 2008 Posts: 34

I can relate to this on so many levels. I am 23 now and I remember those junior high and high school days of bullying. My bullying probably wasn't nearly as bad as others, but nevertheless I was still teased. My anxiety and anti-social behavior definitely didn't make it better. It is very difficult to move on from the past even though it would seem we would want to. I can definitely relate to being defensive when someone makes a joke or says something. I can't help it, but I always end up in my "corner".

I always try to tell myself to move on and not dwell in the past. The only person it is hurting is myself and the people who teased you probably have forgotten all about it. It is DEFINITELY not easy. That's why I always keep my guard up and I am very distrustful of people outside my immediate family. I wish I could stop this!!