New Guy (With Problems)

AJB4 · Newbie User Joined: Jul 01, 2007 Posts: 10

Alright -- here's the story.

I'm a 16 year old guy, and a loner (I sit with my cousin at school, no-one else). I've been at high school for almost 3 years now and have been with the same year level and same people that whole time. I'm a shy, quirky kind of guy with glasses, average height. A few years ago, my Mum thought I had Aspergers Syndrome, but I wasn't diagnosed with it. It looks like I'm just a normal shy guy.

Anyway, I'd really like to learn how to make some friends. I kind of feel like it's too late for high school, I mean, how will it look if I suddenly start talking to the same people I've been ignoring for almost three years...I suppose that's where the key lies though. I feel like a failure.

emmdee · Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 5:34 am Post subject:

You're not a failure!
And you're probably great.
Welcome to the world of the socially anxious, where we know how you feel...every single day.
It's going to be fun. =]

YankeeBob · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 113

Hi my name is Bob and I too am new to this site.

These things you describe are very similar to my high school experiences.

I kept up similar thinking and behaviour until I was 53. Am turning 58 this week so its been 5 years now that I have been working on changing my thinking and behaviour.

Went to a meeting last night. We talked about self esteem.

I think I heard someone say "No one took away my self esteem. Rather as a child I let it go. Comparing my self with others I wanted what they had and saw myself as being lost."

I could connect with what the seeker was saying.

So here is a suggestion: write down what you want in your new life.

* Three friends,
* Hobbies that involve people,
* Self esteem

...for example. Make up your own list.

Now decide what others do to get each of those. To do this ask others how they have achieved it in their life. Read a book on it. Do a google search.

Then you will have some tactics, some things to try to move in that direction.

Then try every day to record in a diary what your efforts have been that day on this issue. Successes, failures, mistakes.

Then reveal your mistakes to others - such as on this forum - and ask for advice about how to handle situations that baffle you.

These are suggestions that have worked for me.

Be well.

momijichan · Newbie User Joined: Sep 19, 2007 Posts: 6

One thing you can try is to get involved in groups or clubs at school. Or a committee, that's even better. That way you'll have a "reason" to start talking to some of these people, especially if you are in a committee and need to work towards a common goal with others.

AJB4 · Newbie User Joined: Jul 01, 2007 Posts: 10

Yeah, thanks guys. I'm so over being a loner. It's time to f***ing get over myself.