anyone being treated 4 avpd...or thinking about it..help?

miguy · Newbie User Joined: Oct 12, 2007 Posts: 23 Location: MI

hi,

here is my situation...

i know i need help and just being diagnosed at 29, i just can't see the future of anykind where i will be naturally social or "re-programed" in some way to be social and enjoy socializing, interacting and wanting to be around others....where does that need, want or desire come from? anyone going thru this...? i also wonder what kind of therapy and the step of it are involved? i mean i know it's talk therapy with cognitive-behavioral modification but at this point i have no idea where the drive to socialize is going to come from, is there a switch that will be turned on by the therapist or what???

here is bothering me and i want to correct/change/understand, but don't know how or if it's possible...anyone know?:

-correct/change or negative behavior or way of thinking i grew up with
-creat a spark of wanting and needing to be around others or with looking forward to social stuff
-think, reason, remember, learn and analyze stuff in the world and my head
-realize and understand my strenghts/weaknesses and figure out joys and passions in life, discover myself and how i fit into the world, find or understand meaning
-how to be interested in anything and everything, motivation, goals, ambition, tasks priorities, be responsiable, how to achieve and be successful...etc

thanks to all...

YankeeBob · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 113

I suffered from some of the symptoms you are talking about during different times in my life.

Am 58 at present....started finding out what was going on with me 5 years ago.

In a sense I envy you. You are starting working on this 23 years earlier than I did.

Email me if you want to talk about this. You don't have to if you would prefer not.

Its your choice. Your life.

miguy · Newbie User Joined: Oct 12, 2007 Posts: 23 Location: MI

hi yankeebob,

thanks for responding.

you know, right about now i wish i had a terminal illness and only weeks, months to live.

i don't get it, how most everyone on here is so positive and upbeat, hopeful about everything...i wonder if they considered their life and what it might have been if they were "normal" and grew up in an ideal situation and then thing about where they're now wih all the issues and all...how can anyone feel good or be positive about that?

winnipegjets

miguy · Newbie User Joined: Oct 12, 2007 Posts: 23 Location: MI

sponge off my family...i figure they owe me for not getting my "right" during childhood and destroying my life.

what abou u...going thru similar stuff?

u know, i don't get it...everyone on here, well for the most part, is so positive about their stuff and lousy life they had...i just don't get it, what is there to be so thrilled about, u know? maybe u can fill me in..

YankeeBob · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 113

"miguy" and "YankeeBob" are two men on different sides of the world typing letters on a keyboard to each other.

is this what normal males do? Maybe sometimes.

i have a sense though that the normal man that i am slowly coming to be will pick up the phone and talk to someone.

or

better yet,

organise to go out and talk to someone face to face about what is bothering them. that is "connect" with another living human being.

now its hard to switch from isolating ( being a loner, self absorbed in one's mind with problems and uncomfortable feelings) to being OPEN and HONEST.

to make the switch is hard. every bone/cell in our body wants to continue to live with self piety and anger that fuels us in equal proportion.

I was telling a man last night, he was in my dining room, that in 1990 I was out of work for six months. could not get a job interview. there was about 15% of the adult population in the same trouble but that was no comfort to me.

i kept all my problems and negative thinking to myself. slowly i found it harder and harder to get to sleep each night. and would wake up exhausted the next day. this self destructive cycle went on for four weeks of pure hell.

finally my wife, now my ex wife, got me to talk to the doctor . he said "Bob first thing we need to do is get you to sleep. "

sleeping pills knocked me out, and within a week I was sleeping more regularly.

then one day I had a "lightbulb moment". i was coaching my son's basketball team on a thursday afternoon. it was a drill session.

we had arrived at the gym early, and there were a group of men on the court running some drills.

actually, they were in wheel chairs so they were not exactly 'running'.

I looked at them and wondered what there live might be like. Only then, till I was confronted with someone else's misfortune did I see that mine was relatively better.

sad but true.

I got a job, got back some self respect. Lost my wife and family, lost my self respect.

went in a daze for 10 years keeping all of my "shit" a secret. thinking that if I bottled it up and didn't talk about it "well it would go away".

it never did.

it was only until I started talking about my problems, of letting others see into me ( that is what INTIMACY means: letting you see into me ) that I started to getter well.

I had never had an adult man ( neither my father nor uncles ) ever speak to me and explain what its like to live in a healthy, balanced way. In short I did not have a healthy role model.

Do you have healthy role model(s) ?

Prescious · Newbie User Joined: Oct 12, 2007 Posts: 38

miguy are you a guy a a girl?
Secondly, I feel the same way you feel. My whole life right now is my satellite tv, my computer interent, and my pets. That is my life but I thank god for television because tv is what gets me through the day. I watch tv 24/7. It makes me feel so good to watch tv I don't know why. Maybe because tv feels like I have someone in the room with me but all I know is that it entertains me. Then you have my computer. This is also special to me because it takes me outside of my house. And then I get to meet like minded people like myself. And I get to talk to you guys in here. Again I am a Substitute Teacher because I don't have to be around the same people twice also because I work when I want to work. Like today, I did not feel like working so I did not work today.

I feel so serene and safe in my house. AS long as I have my tv and my internet. I feel good but something is still missing. I need a companion or somone to talk to. I am tired of being alone. I am 37 years old but people think I am still in highschool. When I go to the high schools, sometimes the students think I am a new student or something. LOL. Just the other day, I Substituted at a middle school, and a teacher looked at me and said, oh my god, you look younger than the whole class! But still its sad because especially in high school, I feel like the kids are looking at me like something is wrong with me too so I try to work in the elementary schools instead. Because children are different from teenagers.

But I understand how you feel about your family because I grew up in a dysfunctional family myself and I feel like if my upbringing was better, I would not have social anxiety or Argophobia. Believe me when I tell you that I have Argophobia. I know that I still get out my house to go to work BUT I have no choice. Who is going to pay my bills if I don't? And when I do go outside, I am in terrible pain. Excruciating pain with the stares of people and stuff but I am looking for a way to make money from home and not go outside. I have found something but it is not enough to pay the bills for now. But in anycase, if you want to talk, I am the woman to talk to because I am going through exactly what you are going through. BTW, what state do you live in?

miguy · Newbie User Joined: Oct 12, 2007 Posts: 23 Location: MI

ok, i'm going to answer this in order so bare with me...

yankeebob,

unfortunately, i have never had a role model(s), now now nor early in my childhood - hence my dysfunctional life i call my exsistence. you know you make some good points, but one thing i noticed is i have no basic human need, want or desire to with others or around others. i mean i tried when i worked to make nice and pretend i was fitting in and was social and all that, but it just came off not being sincere i guess and others just stayed away from me. as i think back about the "missed" chances i had, i get sick and think was i blind or just stupid for passing up great opportunities to make friends and have relationships...i guess it comes down to not having that "thing" inside of me that would cause me to connect to someone else, show interest and etc...

for me, talkin' is ok, it feels ok, but it doesn't seem to solve or undo much of anything...it's like i need to get reprogramed and live my life over again, that's just how i think i can get it done right...just a thought.

but seriously, in all my life i never had a "friend", just people i come in contact with because of school, work or store or something and that's it. never had a relationships...just couple of 1 night stands but nothing meanigful. it's like i just can't, don't know how or what basic human connection is all about, it's just not natural to me...it feels weird, more so the last few years since i stoped working and casually and superficially "socializing" and all.

now i been diagnosed at local university and in few weeks will go in for followup and therapy, additional testing for possible neurological disorders...see what happens i guess.
well, maybe talk to you some more later...for now, another day gone and perfectly nice day wasted...just a thought, i'm such a loser-it's friday and i have no plans, no interest in anything or anyone- i never have anything that gets me going, i'm a total defect of a human being, that sucks!!

ok, now precious, hi!!

yes, i'm a dude in michigan....how about you?

you sound very productive and doing well- staying positive and all.

i know, i feel like my mind is just not at my age. when i do come in contact with people my age, i feel like a child or something. i just wish i had some education or skills or something, so i can do something technical or online but have not figured it out yet....oh, by the way, i think i'm retarded to, or at least kind slow or something. lol
i never had a real job, just pt work like customer service - no wonder i couldn't take it because of all the human contact and all.

i do have a small, boyish look which hurts even more because i look like a 14 year old..especially now, kids are eating animal products full of hormones and all and are growing super fast...i didn't have that growth...so, i'm really thin and only 140 @ 5'8"....which is not that great for finding flings and all..women seem to want a manly man and all. lol well anyways, i hope some psychotherapy can heal my soul, my heart and my twisted mind...i keep praying but no result. well, i'm not really religious so maybe that's why it hasn't worked. lol

you know, the weirdest thing with me is when i'm forced to be around others or to interact, i can't see to bring up for topic or relate because i have no experiences, other than what i saw on tv, news or weather....that's it....now interesting stuff like parties, hobbies or whatever else interesting and non-boring people do....i'm totally bornig and uninteresting....gosh, i hate myself right about now.

you seem to have it pretty good, at least you have animals that care about you unconditionally....that's good, nice.

have you been reading up on the "self-help" stuff for avpd or any other stuff for improvement, positive thinking and all? i been doing so online research and their is a lot of that but it's just there, there is no real step-by-step guide or anything becaue i'm totally lost. even if i want to get better, i don't know where to start. it's like my early social deficits affected my whole life - i couldn't learn, i couldn't get a academic life going and no career and so on.... and now, only thinking what if??

well, if you wanna chat some more, write me....i have nothing else to do....i know i'm totally boring and not interesting....maybe i can change that..but then i think probably not, just mission impossiable i guess. lol

bye...