Posted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 5:35 am Post subject: My quirks and eccentricities; am I alone? a freak?
Does anyone else feel insecure with sexuality in and of itself? Does anyone else lose interest in sex with a person upon coming to love them? Does anyone else feel "unworthy" of love, as if, (it's hard for me to put such abstract thought into language), as if love, sex, etc., are just things "for" other people, not "for" you? Is anyone else nagged by the thought that members of the opposite sex consider you "non-sexual" and simply an "innocent," quasi-juvenile by-stander in any such conversation/situation, or worse yet, are "creeped out" by you in that way ("creeped out" and a connotation of sexual "icckyness" are mutually inseperable). When I walk, I'm plagued by the thought that women I casually glance at, as one does when walking, will see me every time I look at them and get creeped out; will think I'm creepy. It's terribly difficult just to talk to a woman... Do I make eye contact? I don't remember if I do that with men; it's so casual around them... How long? I never know what to do with my hands... I look around frantically, so as not to appear as if I'm staring at them... I must seem absolutely insane... Am I that far gone?
I understand how you feel on a lot of these issues. The whole romantic, sexual side of things feels like a different world to me. At 21, I've never been on a date, so naturally I've been developing some insecurities. It's not that I'm a bad guy or unintelligent or even that unattractive; however, my paralyzing social ineptness seems to disqualify me from this world. I'm hoping that soon (or someday) I'm going to break through, be able to connect with a girl, and my confidence will start to build from there. It'll be like "Hey, I'm the type of guy who can have a relationship." I hope the same for you. Once guys like us can finally make it to a relationship, these types of insecurities will hopefully start to fade. Also, I understand what you're saying about feeling creepy. I go to a big university, and just walking to class it's hard for my eyes not to wander between all the beautiful, unattainable girls. Try not to feel too bad about it. I think most guys do it, and as long as you're not leering at them, you're probably worrying too much about what they think of you. Don't worry! You're not crazy! At least you made sense to me.
I understand how you feel on a lot of these issues. The whole romantic, sexual side of things feels like a different world to me. At 21, I've never been on a date, so naturally I've been developing some insecurities. It's not that I'm a bad guy or unintelligent or even that unattractive; however, my paralyzing social ineptness seems to disqualify me from this world. I'm hoping that soon (or someday) I'm going to break through, be able to connect with a girl, and my confidence will start to build from there. It'll be like "Hey, I'm the type of guy who can have a relationship." I hope the same for you. Once guys like us can finally make it to a relationship, these types of insecurities will hopefully start to fade. Also, I understand what you're saying about feeling creepy. I go to a big university, and just walking to class it's hard for my eyes not to wander between all the beautiful, unattainable girls. Try not to feel too bad about it. I think most guys do it, and as long as you're not leering at them, you're probably worrying too much about what they think of you. Don't worry! You're not crazy! At least you made sense to me.
Thx a lot. Some reassurance feels good. Good luck to you too.
I know exactly what you mean.
Many girls that have been around me, I believe, consider me neutral.
I think this is because I am not physically, or intellectually attractive.
Although, almost every girl I have been around seems to mention how "quiet" and "shy" I seem.
I kinda' feel like a sideshow attraction, because of my disabilities, and I guess that they can percieve it.
____________________________________
I don't run around, tryin' to be what's not within me
Look into my eyes, I am free
YOU"RE JUST A WANNABE!
Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:42 am Post subject: Re: My quirks and eccentricities; am I alone? a freak?
the_green_bastard wrote:
Does anyone else feel "unworthy" of love, as if, (it's hard for me to put such abstract thought into language), as if love, sex, etc., are just things "for" other people, not "for" you?
In my case, its not a feeling - its a fact.
the_green_bastard wrote:
Is anyone else nagged by the thought that members of the opposite sex consider you "non-sexual" and simply an "innocent," quasi-juvenile
That is a good way of putting it. An appearance of physical, emotional or social immaturity as an adult, makes one appear childlike, and therefore undesirable to anyone, except for potential abusers looking for prey.
the_green_bastard wrote:
by-stander in any such conversation/situation, or worse yet, are "creeped out" by you in that way ("creeped out" and a connotation of sexual "icckyness" are mutually inseperable).
I don't get close enough to anyone to appear creepy.
Joined: Feb 19, 2008 Posts: 46 Location: The Netherlands
Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:01 pm Post subject:
DelGreco wrote:
I'm hoping that soon (or someday) I'm going to break through, be able to connect with a girl, and my confidence will start to build from there. It'll be like "Hey, I'm the type of guy who can have a relationship." I hope the same for you. Once guys like us can finally make it to a relationship, these types of insecurities will hopefully start to fade.
When you start to feel good about yourself, women will take notice and I'm sure you will date and meet a lady with relationship potential. This is the situation I find myself in. I've overcome my SA, I have an interesting life with lots of friends and I feel good about myself. I felt king of the world before I found myself in my first real relationship.
I always thought once I would meet a great girl my self esteem would blossem even further. BUT this wasn't entirely the case. I found myself slipping, I became obsessed with the idea of having a relationship. I wasn't able to focus on the things that were important to me before I got into a relationship, the things that made me feel king of the world. My insecurities, due to no experience in this part of life, were at full strength.
It took me a great deal of introspection to realise why I was losing control. I was focusing to hard on my girlfriend instead of on my own life. Once I started to change the focus from my girl friend back to my self improvement and to my own life, was I able to relief myself from my insecurities. I'm comming out stronger than ever before.
My point is that your insecurities won't magically "fade". It takes hard work and a willingness to go through the bitter end, even if it costs you your relationship. Hell it might even cost several relationships to lose your insecurities, but in the end it is worth it. This is what drives me through hard times.
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