Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 8:18 pm Post subject: Anyone ever held a house-party?!
Hi, let me start by giving you some background...
I work with a very good looking girl 26yr old (me 28) who basically extremely outgoing and friends with a lot of guys in the office. (We work in a male dominated environment). To my surprise, we have become quite friendly and I have developed feelings for her, probably unrequited! I guess this is because I am not used to having attention from someone like that which gives me these feelings.
From day to day at work she is always laughing, joking with different guys near the coffee machine etc...and yes, this MAKES ME EXTREMELY JEALOUS, even though I know some have no chance with her!! Although I would love to ask her out myself I don't think it's a real possibility for the following reasons:
- Even if she did say yes she would quickly discover I have virtually no friends outside of work, end up thinking I'm either weird or anti-social and dump me! Do I really want to put myself in this position?! That would be more painful as I have experienced it once before..
- The attention I get from her could just be out of friendliness. I am quite good looking: tall, keep in shape, just quiet/shy. So her potentially being interested isn't anything beyond the realms of fantasy ! She could at least find me physically appealing.....However, because she is friendly to a lot of people it's hard to distinguish whether she's flirting proper or just being friendly.
When we have been for a drink in the pub and lets say for example there are 4 guys + her. I notice that she addresses me when she is speaking noticeably more than the others.....and the other day she was quite drunk and smiling at me lots of times in quick succession with a 'sultry/come to bed' type look (lol!) if you know what I mean! Lots of these things make me think: 'arrgghhh! does she doesn't she'!!!
I have generally come to the conclusion that I need to make myself less of a loser before trying to take things any further. However, I am smart enough to know that she could end up meeting someone else before I get the chance or just going off me altogether. It's a risk I'll have to take.
We both bought our apartments at the same time and she has been talking about having a flat warming party and also saying that I should too! However, the thought of doing this is ABSOLUTELY PETRIFYING!!! Of course I've been to some parties before in the past but never ever held one myself...
But when push comes to shove I may just have to do it because I do have one thing in my favour...my flat is quite small! Therefore I can just invite WORK people and say that I kept numbers quite low to avoid overcrowding.....but then again, I don't know if I'm well liked enough that people will actually turn up!!! Well I guess I know of at least 10 or so people who would probably turn up unless they have weddings/funerals to go to...
I had a party for my 21st in a bar/club. It was okay as it was a joint party so the pressure was off me a bit!
To be honest I don't think I would have the confidence to ask people from work to come to a party but I have been to other peoples which was nerve wracking enough
Have you got a Xmas works do coming up? That is always a good opportunity to pull
I had a party for my 21st in a bar/club. It was okay as it was a joint party so the pressure was off me a bit!
To be honest I don't think I would have the confidence to ask people from work to come to a party but I have been to other peoples which was nerve wracking enough
Have you got a Xmas works do coming up? That is always a good opportunity to pull
Not havin the confidence to ask people to a party?! TELL ME ABOUT IT!! That's exactly my thinking.
I've been to house parties before, not very often though - maybe one or two per year on average. Some I have positively sh****d myself beforehand because of the fear of not knowing anyone.
The last one I went to I only knew the host and it was quite awkward because everyone else seemed to know most others. At the end of the night I apologised to the other host for being so quiet!!!
Yes, we do have a work xmas do coming up in the middle of december!
I've never thrown a party b4, but if you say that you know 10 ppl from work that would go then I think that is enough for a party. Tell them you wanted to invite only work people and make them your friends.
As to whether she likes you or not... the only way to find out is to ask her. You can always ask indirectly. At the right time drop a question like: If you could take only one person out of {the office, the party, etc} to a desert island with you who would you take? (and why?) If she picks you I think it pretty much says it all. Now comes the awkwardness of not knowing what to do! lol, well that has been my experience of it.
Good luck!
We had a similar thing at uni: choose any 3 women/men (ones that you know); then pick one you would 'throw off a cliff', one you would 'sleep with once' and the remaining one you would 'marry' (and hence sleep with for the rest of your life). Could be an interesting question to ask work colleagues!!!!
I've already drafted an invitation to my 'party' and now it is just a matter of finding the courage to actually send it!! Even some people I used to work with I am not sure would turn up - we got on ok but we rarely contact each other... As I said there are 10 people who would probably come but I'd be quite embarrased with less than about 20! I have drawn up a shortlist of people to ask - it's about 37/38 people. I guess if some bring partners/bf's/gf's it will feel like more.
So you've sent out the invitations! I find hosting a party is much easier than going to one. When you are the host you can be busy making sure everyone is having a great time. You've invited a good number so everything should be good.
As the host you can move very quickly from one person to the next (food/drink in hand). Say a quick few words then get busy again ... until you're relaxed yourself! People coming to your place for a party will expect you to be busy.
One thing I always put thought into is who the MIX of people are. If there are some that don't know anyone - make sure you introduce them to others so the pressure isn't on you to converse with that person all night.
Also, something you've already probably thought of is the lighting ... so important (especially for me as a Social Phobic). If the lights are dim - I come out - so much more relaxed. Also you're party goers will be alot happier and friendly with each other.
I'm not sure about the question thing ... you're 28 years old, goodlooking ... as a girl speaking, I'm not sure if I'd take a person that used that seriously - that's more for the school grounds??? Don't know just my opinion. Just show her special attention at the party - look out to see what she is drinking and take her one without asking. You don't have to say a word. Touch her occassionaly and look for the vibes - you'll get the message soon. P.S. Heaps of Girls Love Shy Guys - especially the outgoing ones.
I'm not sure about the question thing ... you're 28 years old, goodlooking ... as a girl speaking, I'm not sure if I'd take a person that used that seriously - that's more for the school grounds??? Don't know just my opinion. Just show her special attention at the party - look out to see what she is drinking and take her one without asking. You don't have to say a word. Touch her occassionaly and look for the vibes - you'll get the message soon. P.S. Heaps of Girls Love Shy Guys - especially the outgoing ones.
Enjoy the Games![/quote]
You're right. It would be lots of work and I'd be stressing out with doorbells ringing etc etc. The parties I've experienced have always been at a shared house (rented) where there is more than one host...that must take the pressure off!
I'd like to try to touch her more but it's a bit awkward because we work togther. When we have been out for drink as a group she always gives everyone an arm over the shoulder and kiss goodbye, but as far as any other touching goes....zilch!!
In other situations where we've been out in a club she will quite happily lean over to another guy, put a hand on their waist, to say something in their ear. (I mean like in a club when the music is loud). However, she never does this to me me! Even relatively average looking guys who are just her friend get this attention! Why not me?! Maybe if I was being optimistic I'd say she was too shy to do it to me because she likes me!
But then again I'm too much of a wimp to try it myself and to do so I would first have to think of something to say before I did!
I'm going to a bar with her and a group of people tomorrow night as it happens so I'll try to show some bottle and stop acting like a wimp..
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Even relatively average looking guys who are just her friend get this attention! Why not me?! Maybe if I was being optimistic I'd say she was too shy to do it to me because she likes me!
