It's all in my head...

RedRibbons · Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 6:21 pm Post subject:

Hehe. Yea. I get those too. I don't know why I'm hehe'ing, could be the good mood today. ANYWHO!! Yea. Sometimes I get intrusive death thoughts or images. People being dead, ways of dying.. etc etc. Those aren't the REALLY annoying ones, even though they are disturbing... Cause I don't have a hard time pushing them away.

Most of the time the thoughts are JUST words, questions and images. Like say I was having a lesbian thought moment it wouldn't be so much the image of me with another girl, it's like the word.. Lesbian over and over, or asking myself a ridiculous amount of questions related to being attracted to someone.

I feel kind of awkward about telling this story, cause some people might misinterpret it.. but.. I remember once I was having a particularly hard time while at work. There was an attractive woman there and I would just dwell on it for hours, pretty much the whole time I was there. I would go through questions (about my sexuality, about what she might do, about how to act, etc etc.), scenarios, have words popping up in my head and I couldn't shake them, and any time this woman came around I couldn't talk or do anything really I just smiled to make it look like what I was thinking was normal and I was just a quiet person. It felt like the thoughts were controlling my mind, and all I wanted to do was be friendly and talk or anything. It caused a lot of stress and made me avoid spending time with the rest of the people at my work so that I wouldn't have to be around her or them. In case I like blushed or something. The thoughts were so strong I could barely think of anything else. And when I was it was calming myself or getting the hell out of that place. lol.

I just want you guys to remember that that work thing didn't happen too long ago, so that's after almost 7 years of dealing with this gay obsessive thought. Meaning by this time I have basically accepted this idea of being attracted to women even though I am not.

So yea. I don't know. The way it is is that I am fine at first but over a few hours or days the thoughts start to creep up into my mind and they get stronger the more I have to be in the situation where the thought originally began to sprout... Even if I have no reason or basis to have this thought... and it becomes very complex and hard to deal with and I began to dread the next time I have to be in that situation because the thoughts are going to come back... And I don't know how strong they will be.. And if people find out, they will think all wrong.

ANYWAY! Is that what you mean, aqua? Shocked

AquariusOutkast · Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:49 pm Post subject:

Yeah, something similar.I thought I was going crazy or something but I guess it happens to some people.

RedRibbons · Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 8:03 pm Post subject:

I never talked to anyone who actually has similar things going through their mind.. It's cool, but I feel bad at the same time cause it's such a burden. Shocked

You might want to check out this article I found a while ago..

Click this little smilie..

rado31 · Expert User Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 693

opening this topic here could attract more uber-nerds than cebit manifestation. Very Happy