Love-Shyness

2112 · Newbie User Joined: Jun 19, 2007 Posts: 3

"Would love to hear advice of what a "shy man" would like a girl to do that may ease their fear, embarrassment, pain, in this situation."

...that would be very helpful. I just met this guy and he told me that he used to love this girl that he knew loved him but he acted as though he was rejecting her because he was too scared and she finally gave up which made him really really sad. What you guys said about guys who are love-shy, that they endup living lonely and sad lives..argh i dont think anyone deserves that especially not him! I want to help him but i dont know what to do..

jazy · Newbie User Joined: Jun 02, 2007 Posts: 4

I suffer from love shyness as well. I just don’t see myself being married with a wife and kids. Besides, I always feel stupid when I would approach a woman and she would turn me down. Probably because I’m a ugly piece of s**t. I don’t know, being single is all that bad. You would save a lot of money staying single than having a family to waste it on right? It’s pointless really. All I can say is that if you think that you will never find somebody call up an escort service. It might help. Smile

TAMPA-BAY · Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 6:02 pm Post subject: love shyness

My suggestion is to use technology. If you are sure he has somekind of anxiety and have regular contack with this person;

Get his e-mail first and try chatting online.
If that does't work at least give him the link to this site and we will take it from there. You sound like you have a kind heart. Do you have anxiety like the rest of us?check you pm.

rado31 · Expert User Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 693

I believe most people here are love-shy and therefore lonely.
See this as a root of problem

bulldog21083 · Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 3:14 pm Post subject:

I am love shy as well, I'm 24 years old. The thing with me is I really want a relationship, but I'm not good at approaching girls and starting a conversation. I've never had a relationship; I probably had a few opportunities for one, but I don't really realize it until it's too late. I'm not really good at telling if a girl likes me or not, if one does it seems like I don't realize it till it's too late.

I think the main reason is I've very shy and even though I'm happy with my life (other than the lack of a relationship) I don't smile a whole lot, I just don't like my smile. So I think I am sending out the vibe that I'm not happy, not friendly, and just want to be left alone.

opinionated_m · Newbie User Joined: Oct 07, 2007 Posts: 11

maybe some can agree w me on this.. but this is what I've gone through
blame it on my SA bc it's hard for me to be myself around guys I like

i overcame SA for about 4yrs ...but a recent relationship where the guy just used me to sleep with me & I was hiding that I was dating him from my best friend who orginally had the crush on him... was part of the start of my relapse of SA.

SA has made it really hard to get close to men I'm attracted to w/out feeling very uncomfortable. usually if they are comfortable & pursue me makes it easier.

But lately have been usuing alcohal just to watch movies at guys houses who are also alchohalics usually (most of them are great guys...) but in turn I kind of set myself up with my shyness to be used by men & them not wanting to get to know me.. so on top of my recent neck tension I developed 9mo's ago.. I've felt rejected & like men just want to sleep w me & not get to know me. (of course even though I drink doesn't mean i sleep w them..). however I put myself in these situations where bc I want to be comfortable I don't go on dates but prefer to watch movies at the guys house & have a few drinks so I can feel comforatable.. & it doesn't lead anywhere bc then the guy just wants to use me. so SA for women can def have disadvantges. but I've just decided to quit dating until I overcome my SA & feel more comfortable going on real dates w out drinking.

rado31 · Expert User Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 693

flake__ · Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 6:57 pm Post subject:

ermm..does this thread apply to girls aswell?

i would class myself as love-shy! cos of the SP. i guess it is much harder for a guy tho as they have to make all the first moves.

turned down lots of guys. even ones i really liked. sometimes i'll talk to them, but if they ever actually asked me out or made a move i just get a voice saying 'run away, run away!'. very frustrating when you actually like the guy, cos then they obviously think you don't like them and back off. and them i'm like, why did i do that?!

saying that i had a year-long relationship, ended several months ago. looking back i really have no idea how i managed that. i felt hardly any SP with him, and he had no idea of my SP. rarely i will meet someone like that. sometimes i think this is because my sister bullied me as a kid, and cos she is female i feel more SP around girls than guys?!

i don't know.

rado31 · Expert User Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 693

i hate to say...but it is easier for a girl to be like that for one reason : all girls look like that on a surface, both SA or non-SA girls. It is usual that a girl is the one that choose her company (Or her SA Sad

).

If you are boy you are get a lot of negative mis-judgments or miss-assumptions , you can presume which they are. Life is a hell for shy men.
i think ill blame my parents for being like this..in some other post..or maybe never..

flake, i often ask myself how you so good understand a SP-guy problematics...frankly(and other guys here), i didnt know the answer to the question that girl hooked on a shy guy asked. till i read your post.

flake__ · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 6:19 pm Post subject:

Yeh i guess. With a girl you can get away with alot more!

But i don't think it's all bad for guys. Alot of girls like shy, sensitive guys. And girls can be alot more understanding. So don't give up hope!

rado31, it's only cos i have been in the same situation! as in i'm the shy one with non-shy partner. and the disarmingly nice thing worked with me--it just completely crumbles your anti-social, must-protect-myself defences, and if he had acted more emotionally-vulnerable i wouldn't have pulled away.

we SP-ers tend to think of our partner as confident and never needing reassurance, and to be honest as probably going to wise up and leave any moment, whilst we view us as the only emotionally-vulnerable one, always needing reassurance. We don't realise they can't read our thoughts and desperately want us to like them too! If that makes sense.