may be this world isnt for us.

bandit · Newbie User Joined: Sep 15, 2007 Posts: 17

I' ve had SAD since I was 14, now I'm 23. About six months ago, I started having feelings for this girl, and since I was tired of being single (2.5 years) I decided to go for it. It was the first time in my life I was going to ask a girl out. And so I did it. And things were going well. On my past relationship, my social anziety didnt really allow me to open up, and I didnt want this girl to go through what my last girlfriend had to go through with me. So I opened up to her, entirely. I literally poured my heart and soul to her. One day when we were lying in bed, she asked me to put into words my feelings for her. It was hard, but I did it. I showered her with compliments. I told her everything about me, even my deepest secrets. Whenever we had an argument, I was the first one to apologize. I tried to help her as much as I could with errands among other things. She had an issue with trust, so I tried to keep in touch, and spend as much time with her as possible. We saw each other just about every day for two months. Her mother had passed away recently, and sometimes at night she would be afraid. One night she called me around 1am saying she was afraid, so I offered to go to her house (it's a long ride by the way) and sleep with her. So technically, I did everything right. I know in my heart that I did. I'm not going to bore with details, but we broke up and she hurt me a lot. She broke a promise and lied to me.

So why did this happen? Why do nice guys finish last? Why does everything have to be so hard for me all the time? Why cant I be treated the way I treat people? I faced my fear, I asked her out, it was something I had never done before. I went to restaurants, I did things I had never done before? Why did she have to shatter my trust again? We're told we have to open up, we have to share our feelings, not keep it bottle inside, but you know what? Bottled inside was a lot better than this. I'm tired of fighting.

okkamsrazor · Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 11:28 am Post subject:

Bandit I feel sorry for what you went thru but dont beat yourself up over thinking what went wrong what could have done better.
It sucks that you tried to do eveything within your power to help, and it sounds like you operated from heart (always a good place) but sometimes giving too much doesn't allow the other person room to expand and grow.
It sounds like you were in a difficult situation with many heavy, opposing factors, so don't feel at fault; Infact there may not have even been a right or wrong way to deal with it at all; sometimes sh*t happens but one thing you gained from it is experience right? I say carry on the fight Wink

_________________
"At the center of your being you have the answer;
You know who you are and you know what you want."

-Lao-tzu

SilentType · Expert User Joined: Jul 04, 2007 Posts: 644

Bandit, you have nothing to feel ashamed of man. You did something that most of us on here don't even have the courage to do. Sure, you failed, and that sucks that she treated you like that. Not everyone finds their soulmate the first time around but that's part of life. Honestly, I feel envious of you, because you had the balls to do the socially intimidating shit that a guy needs to do to healthily maintain an intimate relationship with a female. Those simple things like going to restaurants and running errands and opening up completely are some of the hardest things for us SA sufferers to deal with, and I commend you for the obvious effort you put into it.

What I'm trying to say is, you may feel bad for now, but at least you know you can do those things that you couldn't do before. You're on the road to recovery, and by the sounds of it you don't have much of a problem attracting the ladies. You're way ahead of most of us here, so as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You have nothing to change about yourself or how you handle relationships, because you're a good hearted guy who is fighting his way through social anxiety. You're almost there, and if you give up now, you probably won't find "the one." She's out there waiting somewhere for a guy just like you, and if you don't scoop her up while you can, someone else will... Get back out there and be yourself, because believe it or not, there are people out there who like guys like u.

Sorry for goin on so long. Hope I helped...

Peace