My anxiety is afffecting my social life

edmontonguy · Newbie User Joined: Nov 24, 2007 Posts: 2

Hi all,
This is my first time to the site. Hopefully some of you can relate to what I'm going through. Here's my story for those patient enough to read it. Even if you don't, maybe it'll make me feel better to rant anyway!

Anxiety, especially social anxiety has been a long term problem for me- I'm 25 now and have only really identified and confronted my problem in the last few years. I was well on my way to settling for a lifestyle that I didn't want....I was a computer tech out of highschool because it was easy to get a certification and I knew I wouldn't have to deal extensively with coworkers. I really wanted to get a post-secondary education, but the fear of being in classrooms packed with students terrified me, so I put it off.

Fortunately (strange, I know), the company I worked for went under and forced me to look for work. I made the difficult decision that I was going to try something to open up more social avenues for me, so I took on a professional job that moved me around the region for a couple years...being the new single guy in small towns, my new coworkers were really nice to me and had me over for dinner with their families and I took up running with a group.

However, the company functions like Christmas parties terrified me - I went nevertheless, but I'd always go home angry with myself over how I think I came across- quiet, uninterested and uninteresting, or distant - even though I didn't intend to be that way. In social situations, I would shut down...while I can usually control how I appear outwardly, I am so anxious that I can't put together a coherent thought, so of course I keep quiet.

So all in all, while I was putting myself in social situations, I was not being very social...but practice is supposed to make perfect, so I kept trying not to turn down opportunities.

Fast forward a couple years, and since I at least survived my previous attempts at avoiding hermitism, I decided to finally go to school..to be a teacher no less! Well, this is where things got difficult. Year One, I became so overwhelmed at having to "gear up" to face my fears everyday that I became literally exhausted and had to drop a couple courses and was prescribed medication to help with my anxiety. I put a lot of pressure on myself to make efforts to speak with my classmates with limited success. For whatever reason, I'm actually a really good speaker one-on-one. Add a third person, and I shut up involuntarily.

I decided to ask out a girl in my weekly evening class...I'm a sucker for smart, outspoken women. I decided I would ask her out after class..bad idea...I damn near passed out in class..no exaggeration, I was on the verge of losing consciousness and my heart was pounding...all this from the thought of asking her out during a 3 hour class!!

Even though I'm opinionated and reasonably well-spoken (when calm), I *never* speak up in class. For one class in my second year, there was a "participation" mark given. So, I would have to force myself to contribute to class discussions. Finally, I would work up the nerve to raise my hand and be called on by the "moderator"..the worst would be when he listed off names in the order they'd be called on to speak...as my name got closer, my heart pounded more and more..once, I got so flustered, I was looking for an exit so I could bail...LOL, that would've looked so smooth, having my name called and sprinting for the door! The few times I did speak, I sounded like an idiot, my voice quivered, and sounded like it was much higher...not to mention that I couldn't collect my thoughts or control my heart rate.

So all this should give you some idea where I'm at....terrified at the prospect of teaching and without much of a social life. What I've found is that if I'm in a conversation with a clear focus, say at work, I can do just fine. It's when it's a social situation, where I don't *have* to speak, that I clam up and get anxious, whether it's coworkers, or even my extended family...so it's not only with strangers. It's like I need an "excuse" to be involved in a conversation, then it's OK. But I struggle to initiate conversation, and worry endlessly about how I come across when I do.

Does this sound like anyone else's experience with anxiety? How open were you with potential friends about your anxiety, and did it go well? How did you keep relationships going with your friends? I'm guilty of using excuses not to go to many social events and it's lost me a lot of friends I imagine. Now, I find it hard to make new friends fearing the conversation about why I don't have many friends.

Thanks for listening!,
-Dan

Thelema · Expert User Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 799 Location: USA

Man, you should pat yourself on the back. You're doing pretty damn good for yourself.

Think about it like this, "normal" people don't usually go back to school and stick with a job they hate, but you went in to a situation you even had a phobia about!

If you don't think making yourself better on your own or with medication is the best way, you might try therapy. A lot of people have used therapy and medication to get over anxiety.

_________________

Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything

be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.

edmontonguy · Newbie User Joined: Nov 24, 2007 Posts: 2

Thanks for the encouragement Thelema!
Yeah, for all the anxiety, I'm still glad I took those leaps. It would be waaay to easy for me to completely withdraw so I have to avoid that temptation quite often.
I briefly used Celebrex with awful effects - made me depressed and tired, but maybe less "jumpy". Worst were the physical side effects like lack of sex drive and headaches.
Anyone here ever attend classes for those afraid of public speaking? Did it help?

narpati · Newbie User Joined: Jan 05, 2008 Posts: 7

Anxiety disorder is a blanket term covering several different forms of abnormal, pathological anxiety, fears. Anxiety can harm anyone social life because it is the feeling of fear
18.1% of Americans are affected by anxiety disorders.