I think I'm going to die

Disimus · Newbie User Joined: Nov 24, 2007 Posts: 1

I will be completly honest here, I am 22 y/o male who tried smoking marijuana a few weeks ago. I am in a methadone program for reasons i preffer not to disclose at this time. The first few times I smoked was great I had a wonderful time. I am goign through a LOT of stressful things right now including a recent discharge from the military and a divorce. I had to move in with a guy I just recently met at work and my world already feels like it is being turned upside down all the time.

Case in point, about a week ago I smoked A LOT of pot with my new room mate and noticed that my perception of reality was starting to change completly. My roommate's movements looked jerky and I started to feel like my lungs were filling up with water. I started clearing my throat a lot and then my mind started racing with all kinds of thoughts. I was trying to play it cool because my room mate and I are still new freinds and I didn't want him to think I was a crazy person, which I believe he would have thought if I had told him how I was feeling at that point in time. He and I started smoking out on the patio and that is where these feelings started to take place. We then proceeded into the house and he was going to show me a new video game. While he was showing me the video game the movements of his hands looked really fast and all the sudden I started to remeber a story i had told him about how junkies will shoot up almost anyhting they can which lead me to think about dust on the table in our "Smoke Room." This triggered a thought that something in the marijuana was killing me, or perhaps the mix of my methadone with the marijuana was killing me. he passed me the controller to the video game and I stood up. I started to walk a bit and stated "This is bad, this is very very very bad." He looked at me and with a smile thinking I was kidding about something and asked "oh yeah? whats bad brotha?" I told him something was wrong with me, that I didn't feel right. I started feeling this weird sensation that my physical being, the thing I call "me" was in my cheeck and then different parts of my face, then into my foot and then in my finger tip, then i was inside the floor and then i was inside the cuch looking at my body. Then my mind started racing with thoughts about death. I was convinced that this was how I was going to die. I thought that this is how someone feels when they are about to die, they realize what is happening and either accept it or fight it. I tried walking around a bit trying to find a mirror so I could look at myself and get a grab on reality, but as I walked twords the bathroom something in my mind told me the bathroom was a dark place and to not go in there because I would die sooner. I screamed to my roomate "WE NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!" Of corse this pretty much came out of no where to him but to me i felt like i had already been living this moment for an eternity. He tried to quite me down and figure out if I was seriosue or not and why I needed to go to the hospital. I tried to explain to him what I was feeling but couldn't put it into words hell there were more important things at stake to me I thought my life was ending and that I needed to get to an emergancy room RIGHT AWAY. I screamed "WE NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, WE NEED TO CALL AN AMBULANCE OR CALL THE POLICE." Telling my roomate to call the police was definatly the wrong thing to say as he already has some trouble with the law. He wanted to make sure that I wouldnt say his name to anyone or his address to anyone so he asked me what his name was. like I said we had jsut made freinds with eachother at work I didnt know exatly what his last name was so i said what I thought it was which was good to him because it was wrong, so he figured he could just drop me off at a hospital somewhere and he would be fine. Then he asked me what his address was. I knew that because I was living there now so that put a nix on that plan. I eventually was able to convey to him that the reason i mentioned the police was because I was scared that I was about to die. This made him realize that i might be tripping on the pot but decided to take me anyways. We went into the garage and I ran to the car door opened it and told him to "GO GO GO." He looked behind him and realized the garage door was shut and told me to hold on till he could open that. For some reason i decided that if i returned to my military training of just obeying orders that I would save my life, so i replied to him with "YES SIR!" and then jumped into the car shut the dor and was like "ok GO GO GO!" He asked me to calm down and i screamed "YES SIR!" He asked if I was ok and I yelled "NO SIR!" so he peeled out of the driveway into the street. We started driving around and he started asking me questions about what I was feeling. I just wanted him to take me to the hospital but because he was so worried and seemed so sure that it was just a bad trip I tried to just believe whatever he had to say. He told me it was probably jsut the pot and to calm down. While we were having that conversation my mind was hallucenating thinking that I was already dead and that I didn't make it to the hospital in time because I decided to trust my roomate. I could see a vision of myself arriving at the hospital too late and seeing my wife there and she was throwing water on me. While I was having this Hallucenation my freind had turned around heading home becuase he thought he had figured out what was going on. we pulled into the garage and as we did the lights were off so i felt like that was the moment I died. we proceeded into the house and I thought I was in hell. I went into the bathroom right away because I felt like I was damned to the dark place where I didn't want to go before.

As I stood there in the bathroom looking atmyself in the mirror I had the sensation again that whatever "I am" was in my eye lash and as I was having that sensation the eyelash I was looking at fell into the sink and slipped down the drain. I didn't know what had happened but my hallucenations started again. I was seeing myself in a hospital bed with a police officer standing over me trying to comfort my wife saying "These things happen, they are very sad but they happen. then I felt like thousands of years were passing and my body was decomposing and whatever "I am" (my conscience) was a single drop of water doomed to turn into somethign else eventually. I thought maybe I would end up as a drop of blood in some one famous.

My roomate then interupted this hallucenation and I opened the door. I just wanted everything to be over with. He suggested I lay down, in my mind this was either god or the devil telling me to lay down untill they figured out what to do with me. I accepted my fait and laid down.

When I woke up the next morning everyhting was fine I was completly back to normal. I tried to explain to my roomate how sorry I was for makign such a scene and that I had no idea what happened. I tried to explain as much of what happened as I could but nothing as detailed as this forum post (I'm sorry for writting a book on here but I need help!). My roomate and I had a few good laughs about it over the corse of a few days and figured it musta just been from too much pot and not enough sleep. I was fine with that explination untill two nights ago my roomate and I decided to smoke A LOT of weed again. While we were getting high my roomate and I were joking about that night, mocking how I sounded saying things like "we need to go to the hospital..." Then I realized that I was starting to loose touch with reality again. He started talking about dropping acid to the other guy we were with. I started to get the feeling again where my conscience started to drop down to my fingertip and then into the sunglasses I was holding. I told my freind that I was REALLY high again and that I kinda felt liek i did the night I had my first episode. He laughed and we went inside to play video games. Apparently I played some video games with them and did pretty well. I don't remeber any of that because I was having hallucenations about the first night again. I was even reliving some of those moments. I wanted to tell my roommate that we needed to go back to the hospital but I knew that this feeling was the same exact feeling I had the first time so I tried to fight it. I asked what time it was, it was 4 am, so I said I was heading off to bed. They suspected nothing about me already being in the same state of mind again. I laid in bed for what seemed like hours trying to grab reality. I knew that the feelings I was having were going to go away if I could just fall asleep but I couldnt. I felty like my lungs were filling up with water again, or i was so scared that I was goign to die tat I couldnt lay still. I fought and fought and fought the thought of asking my roomate to take me to the hospital. I figured he would just laugh at me plus I had the realization that I already had these feelings and that I just needed to go to sleep for them to go away. I kept telling myself in my head over and over again that whatever will come will come. I eventually fell alseep and woke up the next morning on thanksgiving being extreemly thankful that I didnt die and everythign was back to normal.

I told my roomate that I had had the same exact feelings the previouse night that I did a little more then a week ago. He was very concerned but happy I was able to get through the night without making him take me to the hospital. I have been very concerned about these two episodes and I have been doing a lot of reading online about pot causing panic attacks and the descriptions of panic attacks seems to fit what i experienced but I am still wondering if that is what really happened to me or if I really am going crazy or if I really am going to die soon

Please help.

InDeepshit · Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 11:17 am Post subject:

I don't think it is a common reaction to abusing cannabis.. I personally don't have any experience but i heard the worst it gets for most people is becoming paranoid for a few hours.. but it sounds like you are experiencing symptoms of acute intoxication (look at this website.. http://www.priory.com/psych/cannabis.htm). Like intense somatic, nihilistic and paranoid delusions, depersonalisation and auditory hallucinations i think i can safely say aren't common, you might have activated a vulnerability to schizophrenia. Or maybe it's just your frame of mind when using.. and your prone to having a negative response. I think people mostly just get high but you sound like you genuinely believe your going to die so i think you should atleast stop using it and see if you get any better and tell your friend to keep an eye on you. If those thoughts are hindering your ability to function normally, if you continue to have these experiences or if you begin to think about harming yourself or others.. then see a doctor. I don't know much about it and I guess it would be very helpful to see how others have coped with these symptoms from personal experience but i have none but there's my input.

flake__ · Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 12:41 pm Post subject:

Hey, you're right you are not going to die lol this is just panic attacks, paranoia or whatever--the drugs messing with your mind. For god sake stop if they're doing this to you! And see a doctor if these thoughts or any other weird stuff continues even after you've stopped taking them

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MikeG · Newbie User Joined: Dec 28, 2007 Posts: 5

Your still alive. Thats a great sign. And try to keep that in your head. That you went through this a few times and your still alive.

But keep this is mind.

When panic starts it opens your mind to many things. You feel what ever you want to feel. You can even bring on a panic attack. You want chest pain, Hard time breathing, numb legs, you can give it to yourself in a Panic attack.

Just like with weed. Weed opens your mind to a state you can control. You wanna cry? You can. You want to laugh? You can.

You can snow ball a panic attack into a million things. And Panic and weed work the same in many ways. Dont let it snow ball.

The thing that makes me nervous is your on methadone also. You in reality you have a 3 way fight in your body. The Meth, Weed and Panic. This will bring anyone to there knees.

If you can get out that house. Or stop smoking weed. Also I hope you have a Doctor. See him and explain this to him. Dont be afraid to tell him what you told us.

I hope you find an answer.