Help...

ma31 · Newbie User Joined: Nov 26, 2007 Posts: 1

When I was really little I remember making a certain noise with my throat as a habit and becoming obsessed with it (it shounded like a gulp)
I remember blinking really hard with both eyes as a twitch
When I was at primary school I remember not wanting to step on the lines
When I was at High school I remember switching the lights on and off repeatedly
I also remember fearing that Mum and Dad would die unless I did certain rituals
It seems to have gotten harder and harder though, the more I don’t want to think about bad things, the more I cant stop and then I feel that because I thought about it and felt a certain way when I did that I will cause it to happen
Now, almost all of my superstitions relate to the love of my life, John. I am so scared that something will happen to him (he will get sick)/ and as a result I feel like I will cause it to happen. I get this feeling in my chest and I feel like there is something negative or magical there that can cause things to happen and when I am constantly thinking don’t get sick, sometimes the feeling is more that he will and then I get a strong feeling in my chest and think that it is going to happen. I can then spend ages trying to get that same feeling when I think that he wont get it and I end up getting to a point where I just cant get that feeling again and then I think that it will happen

We are due to get married next year and have just booked our venue, but I got a negative feeling before we booked it and now I feel like he will get sick if we get married there. I am wanting to cancel the venue but it really is the prettiest venue we have been to and I also am too embarrassed to do so.

Tacomm · Newbie User Joined: Nov 29, 2007 Posts: 1

You shouldn't be worried about something bad happening. Your rituals don't affect what happens to people you know or what really happens, they'll only just make you feel worse and worse. The absolute worst thing about OCD is how it can trick you into fearing just ridiculous thoughts you didn't have before. Don't cancel your venue and talk to someone about this. You took a first step by posting here, now take the next one. Talk about this with a professional, or at least your fiance if you haven't told him. OCD shouldn't be the end, don't let it ruin your life. It will just get worse and worse if you keep doing these rituals, and I know how that is. It sounds like you've OCD or a precursor to it for a long time. I've had it for six years. I will never give up, and I hope you don't either. I'm rooting for you. Good luck.