Advice please?

reesy · Guest

I Know exactly how you feel - I feel so anxious about group gatherings that I have made excuses at work on three occasions to not accept awards that I had won nor turn up to receive my degree from university!!

The bastards at work know I am shy and they recently held a morning tea for another achievement. The boss made me give a speech (standing up in front of 15 workmates .. Not just a thank you speech either. I stuttered, shook and my legs were shaking - I was a mess. I feel so foolish and don't want to face my colleagues in case they laugh.

In case your wondering how I have coped so long for at work - well I work on my own in an office and don't have to worry about interaction unless I win something then they all come out of the woodwork.

Morning tea celebration should be just that - I just wish I could lighten up and enjoy it like alot of other people I know - My hubby and kids are total opposite of me and LOVE to do speeches etc. I hate parties, and make excuses all the time so as not to attend social gaterings.
Its a pain in the arse being like this. Even valium doesn't help.

RedQ · Guest

I've had social phobia for more than a decade.There are times when I think this sadness or depression will never end. I have made friends but I keep my SA a secret so they don't understand why I get so moody all the time. Sometimes, I won't smile for a week. It is hard to smile when you think that everything you do is wrong or bad. It is harder even to talk to people then because I know that if I talk to them then later on that night I will internally criticize myself for saying something stupid. On regular days (when I feel more comfortable), I wouldn't dwell on such things but when I am upset. It's terrible. It is like a snowball rolling down a hill......with each passing second, I am doing something wrong, again...again...again...again..
Sometimes, I feel that I will never have true genuine friends. I worry when I show this 'dark' side (when I am sad or angry) of myself to other people. I worry that they might think that I am weird and then cut off all contact with me. So I keep this happy face on or try really hard to keep a happy face on when I am so angry and sad inside. I hate being me.
I would like to think that one day. I can get away from all this and be myself. I keep reminding myself that tomorrow will be better. I pray.
Does anyone feel the same way?