hello, i'm a newbie!

summer · Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 8:32 pm Post subject: hello, i'm a newbie!

Hi to everyone
I am a 30 year female and have suffered from shyness and and lack of self confidence for as long as i can remember. As a little girl i always felt stupid because i found my school work hard and i hated being in any situation where i thought people will be looking at me such as school plays. My parents always had trouble getting me to school and i would make myself sick because i wanted to be at home with my mum. Secondry school was difficult for me aswell, i had a nice group of friends but because i had a low self esteem i was a target to become bullied and thats exactly what happened to me. I then started to rebell because i was still finding my work hard, and by the age of 15 i was regulary truenting to avoid lessons i didnt enjoy. At the age of 16 i met a guy who became my long term partner of 10 years and the father of my 2 children. He was a bit of a jack the lad but as a teenager i thought this was great and a bit of fun.When i left school I went to work at a quiet stable yard where i used to keep my pony but at 19 i became pregnant and had to give that up, i had my second child 3 years later. After the children were born things went wrong between me and my partner, he had never treated me well and was constantly giving me mental abuse and going out all the time which added to my lack of confidence. I somehow found the guts to kick him out and havn't had a proper relationship since as i find it hard to comunicate with people especially men, i just clam up and dont no what to say.
The reason i came across this site is because i have decided to try and diagnose myself. For a while now i have realised that i'm unusually anxious about situations especially situations where i think people may be looking at me such as walking in a pub( i wont without someone else), or past a group of work men( i'll take another route if i know they are there) just recently i have started college, on the first day i had to introduce myself and it was horrific for me.
But today has made me realise i want to seek help.
Last year i started voluntry work as a student in a pre-school and i am getting asked to do things in public such as street carnivals and carol singing in busy public places while dressed up, chrismas drinks while dressed up as fairys, i just cant bring myself to do these things as people will be looking at me and my boss and other staff are getting fed up with me, i fear she will sack me because of this.
I feel like im mad or insane, no one understands that im not being igronant i really cant do these things, it makes me feel very down and wander how i am going to manage to keep a job doing this, that i really enjoy 95 percent of the time, i see no end to it.
Embarassed

I'm sorry this is a long post but i have never talked about this to anyone before and i have just realised i do have a problem and i have now found someone to share it with.
Thanks for listening. x

TAMPA-BAY · Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 12:36 am Post subject:

Hi summer just wanted to give a warm welcome and a hi. Its alwayse nice to see people who seek out sites like this because it usualy shows they are ready for a change.

I and the others can relate to what you said about never telling anyone about this. If we did they just dont understand. This is like the only place to find people who can begin to understand. Others who dont have it think we are snoty and stuck up or rude.

millymoocow · Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 1:14 am Post subject:

hey summer! Very Happy

your school years sound exactly like mine. i have zero confidence also and im always being bullied. Sad

but you're not mad... there are sooo many people on this site that have also got the same issues and have experienced the life that you had. Surprised

hope you make some new friends here! Smile

summer · Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 8:36 pm Post subject:

Thanks for making me feel welcome Smile

Its so good to talk to people who know how i'm feeling.

turtle · Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 1:44 am Post subject:

Hello

oneday i will actully work my way upto doing a propper into post

miss_amy · Intermediate User Joined: Nov 21, 2007 Posts: 274

Hello Summer,

I'm new here too. It feels good to know I'm not the only one feeling this.

danex · Newbie User Joined: Dec 07, 2007 Posts: 2

Hi Summer,
I too am new to this site and have found it comforting ( is this sad?) that i'm not alone.
First of all,congrats on finding strength to make a break and end your relationship,must have been really hard but you must have more confidence than you think.
I've been suffering SP for about 15 yrs now (in silence) and thought its time for change.
I have a job I enjoy doing but find it hard to communicate with work collegues. They class me as anti social which is totally wrong,i want friends,want to fit in,be "normal" lol.,but when that fear grips you,you just wanna run..