Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:07 pm Post subject: Is there something wrong with me?
Since I was little I've always been a very shy person, I guess it came from being raised in an Asian family where social interaction isn't exactly encouraged. I'm incredibly scared of going up to talk to people, and I just barely got over being scared of asking for help in a store or stuttering whenever I try to order food at a restaurant. My problem is that people never seem to want to approach or talk to me, yet it seems so easy for everyone else to attract tons of people to them at social gatherings. Even other girls who are generally quiet seem to be able to get way more people to talk to them than I can! So I'm wonder is it something just plain unlikable about me? I'm not ugly or anything, so it can't be a looks issue, but I wonder if my shyness is being misconstrued as arrogance?
wave at people... it makes you seem more friendly... if not crazy... but tend to wave at people who look ... or glance at you... or try going over to someone else who seems hy.. im sure they will understand.. how hard it is for you to talk
Joined: Oct 17, 2007 Posts: 411 Location: 'Rooooound heeeere,
Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 10:23 pm Post subject:
If it's acceptance you're looking for, try looking inside first. Search yourself, explore your 'unmarked' spiritual territory. Chances are, once you learn to fully love yourself, your fear will decrease to the point where attracting people will start happening by sheer accident.
Like I always say, the shyness/confidence coin is all about your inner self, and inner beliefs. Do you believe in yourself as much as I believe in you?
_________________ Love+Compassion+Eternity+Freedom
Always believing that there's something good in this world
Joined: Jan 27, 2006 Posts: 143 Location: Sydney, Australia
Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:25 am Post subject: Re: Is there something wrong with me?
HasuSouffle wrote:
Since I was little I've always been a very shy person, I guess it came from being raised in an Asian family where social interaction isn't exactly encouraged. I'm incredibly scared of going up to talk to people, and I just barely got over being scared of asking for help in a store or stuttering whenever I try to order food at a restaurant. My problem is that people never seem to want to approach or talk to me, yet it seems so easy for everyone else to attract tons of people to them at social gatherings. Even other girls who are generally quiet seem to be able to get way more people to talk to them than I can! So I'm wonder is it something just plain unlikable about me? I'm not ugly or anything, so it can't be a looks issue, but I wonder if my shyness is being misconstrued as arrogance?
Probably may have already heard this, but i think the reason you may not be able to have many approaching you (for now atleast!) in social situation, is simply because of the attitude/energy/emotions, whatever it is your carrying with you. I too am not ugly, but i despite being recognised as the best looking guy in my grade by many girls (was a loner anyways), i would always carry a shitty attitude about ymself around, and thats what it seems you have troubles with. You know . . . . you can be quiet like the other girls and play cute, timid, nervous like you see some highly adored actresses play in old-school movies, but atleast love yourself and be happy in your own shoes. Don't doubt yourself in life, don't worry or give a damn what others think. I might also add, that your shyness i'm guessing probably isn't misconstrued as arrogance, but instead low self-esteem. Now my sister on the other hand, who is an absaloute loud, attention craving, typical teenage drama queen even tells me herself, that she recognises that there are guys who are shy and so forth, however when i ask why she doesn't talk to them or see others talk to them, she tells me simply something along the lines of: 'its just people don't like being rejected either by the shy, or experiencing an akward moment, even if your not shy i guess you can worry very much about social situations too.' So IMO people recognise SA or shyness fair more easily then many of us percieve, so i think if anything needs working on, it may be you having to learn to develop more confidence in general in a fair range of social circumstances, otherwise i really believe you can. Good luck with it.
I'm in the same position, but I find that smiling really helps. I can't approach people for anything, but if I'm approached I make sure I smile when they speak, give small laughs, anything simple like that.
Joined: Mar 03, 2004 Posts: 210 Location: Australia
Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 7:57 pm Post subject:
I am sure that many people (guys) want to talk to you. Like in many social situations people get caught up with familiarity. Its much easier to talk with people you know and are comfortable with. Sometimes (most times) shy people are left out of the conversation. I wouldn't worry to much. IMO quiet or shy girls are the best. Eventually some guy will come along who understands you and just thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. This is for all you people who are still in high school. It ends. It is not forever. High school ends. Five years of crap. However it ends. Then your real life starts. Deal with it the best you can. Change schools if you have to. Just remember your real life and identity starts after high school. Then you have the freedom to choose your life. Trust me on this. Your life after high school is yours. You can do what you like( within reason). Just think of it as a temporary stage. Good luck
Joined: Nov 17, 2007 Posts: 64 Location: New York City
Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:41 pm Post subject:
Go to parties with at least one non-shy friend and stick around as he/she makes conversation with random people. Even if you feel scared, introduce yourself to those people and try to shut off the rest of the crowds if it makes you feel better. It took me a while to even be able to say "Hi, my name's _____, nice to meet you," but in the presence of friends it becomes much easier. Besides that I can't offer much else, since I don't find parties enjoyable when it becomes a test of conversational and socializing skills, which I have, but, only in limited amounts.
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