I see your point but I'm so shy that being under spot, being wondered and followed makes me much more nervous and triggers my SP and then I start escaping people. That's why I opened this topic. I think nobody understands me and I hope all comments here will add some perspective to me and help me understand how wrong the way I'm thinking and then I can push myself to make a change in my point of view about my life.
Beauty sometimes helps I accept it. But what you cant see is that sometimes (esp women!!) dont like you since you are a bit more attractive to men. I dont want to be attractive but then blamed with that and my SP adds on top of it since I'm a distant person other girls think that I'm arrogant and dont approach me.
I almost agree on your comments. I just need to motivate myself and be more outgoing with new people around me and feel comfortable or at least dont escape from new people
Butterflies wrote:
It's hard to be always standing out when you have SP.
I am not recommending this, just saying- a beautiful person can make themselves look ugly if they really want. Personally - I think you should embrace your beauty - accept it as your gift and work it! Although this isn't easy.
Beauty can be a curse in some ways (you've already highlighted these) but beauty also brings you opportunities that others don't. Eg. You could get a great job on your looks alone, people want you to like them, that's a fact of life - I've seen it over and over again.
That being said - try and focus on your spiritual inner beauty. Try and learn some skills to deepen your horizons within - you know you are beautiful on the outside but what about in? What are your interests? What's your purpose? Learn how to reach out to others (not easy with SP) but it is possible. Try to move your focus from outside to in.
There are resources out there to help you - hard work - but worth the effort.
Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:21 am Post subject: Re: I dont like attracting attention
IknowIhaveSP wrote:
I dont like attracting attention. However, unfortunately I'm attractive. I hate to be followed up, overheard whatever. But people always wonder me cause I look a bit mysterious and unfortunately they say I'm beautiful. My remedy is escaping from all people especially men. Because they want to talk to me but I dont.
I just want to dig a hole and hide into it then nobody can see me.
hey iknowihavesp..i know what you're saying. I think being attractive and also suffering from social phobia is not an easy situation. I think there are certain expectations that come from others finding you attractive..i find people seem to expect me to be more confident, more flirtatious, more social because of the way i look, or sometimes people think i'm a stuck-up snob when i don't socialize with them..and sometimes i get that look..you know...like 'what the fuck is up with her?' look
That's ok - you may not think anyone understands. It is true noone truly knows what it's like to be you.
As for the other women being jealous - many people have people that are jealous of them (for whatever reasons - looks, brains, wealth) finding true friends is like finding a diamond - rare and precious. When you find a true friend they will be happy for you. They will be proud to have a beautiful friend. But they will also know your inner beauty.
It's not worth even knowing people that a jealous (in a vindictive way) of you. So forget them. Focus on learning to love the inner you. Take your time. Get to know yourself, your inner self first - apart from your good looks what are your qualities, ambitions? - How do you really feel about people? What can you learn from another human being when you speak with them? Sorry I'm raving now
From a practical point of view - what have you done to help overcome the SP? Can you do something starting today to develop your conversations skills in person?
Don't try and fix it overnight - just gradually - you could start with getting to know the inner you a bit better.
i feel the same I actually just wrote the exact same post the other day but mine wa that I hate standing out and I hate attention that being pretty brings. I hate the way people judge me I hate the way girls are jealous of me I hate the way guy friends always want more and I hate the way I attract attention. I just want to melt into the background but I stand out. I know people reading this wouldn't see it as a problem but it is a problem it's difficult to deal with Social Anxiety when all you want to do is blend in but you stand out! I totally relate to what you are saying but I think if we could be happy with who we are inside we could be more comfortable in our own skin. Im trying to do that but I dont seem to be making any headway with it, I just can't accept myself coz I feel like Im bad company and not fun, chatty and interesting enough! I avoid social situations especially one on ones like friends calling over, Im ok in a group coz the pressure is off me to make conversation but still Im so vulnerable at the moment I find it difficult being around anyone at anytime! Im so bored and want to be healthy but Im trapped inside myself feeling inadequate
O_o I think you're a mind reader! lol I feel the same way, except most of the time I try to just push through it and form relationships anyway. Not with girls though, I can only be friends with certain types of girls... And I don't really want to melt into the background... Attention and I have a love/hate relationship. ^^
Joined: Jul 23, 2006 Posts: 387 Location: -Gulf of Mexico-
Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 10:16 am Post subject: Attention
Wow excelient topic. I hate attention with a passion. This is the worst time of the year for me cause it the time when you have all those family gathering and have to deal with those nosy relatives that allwayse want you to practicaly give them a essay on your life.
No matter how hard I try I just can never seem to blend in. I love when I can find a corner to hide in. I am sick of hiding tho.
OK i'm pissed off again. one of collegaues just implied that i am alone all the time. i hate this. i'm alone or not. what's the problem?? what will change if I say I'm alone or not. why do they care it so much?
last year we were in a project abroad with some collegaues that i dont meet before and i was alone most of time because everyone was hanging around with only people they know. i only know few of them who I really dislike and I prefer not to join them most of the time. now i'm in another country for another project and one of them asking what r u doing this weekend, are you alone again?? and this stupid guy is hitting on me. that's another story!! I just want to kill him. I hate all these people!!
and I see we write to each other here and relax a bit. nobody recovers from this. this is what I understand. I'm being ignored these days all the time and i feel a lot worse. writing on forums doesnt help, hearing how distant i'm from others doesnt help, nothing helps to me. i'm like this and i see i can never change. i'm trapped and dont know what to do
I think it is possible to get "cured" (I'm not, tough). I think I started to feel better when I understood I coudn't guess what where inside other people's head. It was hard at the beginning, but now, when I find myself thinking: "He must be thinking that I..." I can stop and turn my thoughts into: "There's no way for me to know what they are thinking about me. Probably he isn't even thinking about me.", which I think it's the truth. Perhaps you could start by this little step when you find yourself thinking: "I'm sure she is jealous".
Last edited by osse on Tue Jan 08, 2008 6:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
Whenever I meet with a new guy at the office, they tell me I noticed you before! But I never notice any of them. One of those hitting on me told me the same today. I just told him I dont want to be noticed and he said not possible, you're beautiful but I dont want to be noticed and followed
Whenever I meet with a new guy at the office, they tell me I noticed you before! But I never notice any of them. One of those hitting on me told me the same today. I just told him I dont want to be noticed and he said not possible, you're beautiful but I dont want to be noticed and followed
I have never been in this situation, but I would try to take a deep breath and calm down. Ok, now you know you were noticed some days ago, but that doesn't mean you are beeing followed and observed.
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